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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have asked my parents for a lift home?

620 replies

coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 19:08

I’m 25, and live at home with my parents. I drive but use public transport for work because it’s cheaper than parking.

tonight the bus home is delayed by 45 minutes. I worked 9-6:30, I was hoping to get on the 7:15 bus but it won’t be at my stop till 8.

i texted my family chat saying I know it’s cheeky but was anyone able to give me a lift if I walked to a different stop and got on a different bus because it was cold and I left the house before 7. My mum has come back and said that I’ve been really selfish to ask as they’re in their pyjamas but they’re going to feel guilty for saying no now because they know I’m tired and cold.

AIBU to have asked? I never ask for lifts anywhere, I drive or get the bus.

OP posts:
ArtfulTaupeGoose · 10/12/2025 23:06

Pleased youre home and warming up.

Some of these replies are so mean!

I'm over 50 but if I were stuck in that situation and OH wasn't around I'd still ask my Dad if it were only 15 minutes. I also pretty much he would do it, we're family, we help each other.

Also who are the anti PJ'ers!! I'm often straight into them when I change after work!

ClarafromHR · 10/12/2025 23:07

I’d have come to get you. I don’t think your parents are very nice.

Soashamed60 · 10/12/2025 23:08

coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 22:41

I’m not entirely sure why you’ve taken such a dislike to me.

I text to ask for a favour. I didn’t expect. I didn’t demand. I acknowledged in my message that it was cheeky but I was chancing it. I didn’t kick off in the chat when they said no. I thumbsed up the message and left it at that.

I could have paid for a taxi, yes. But it would have meant walking back along the sea front (because in small towns we don’t have apps like uber!) and probably paying £30-£40. Was I cold and uncomfortable? Yes. Was I grumpy? Yes. Was I hungry? Yes. Was I all of those things to the degree that I would spend that sort of money ten days before payday in December? No, I wasn’t.

Show quote history

@JollyPotter accuses you of creating a goady post. I'd just not respond to her, I think she's one of those who love to be goady for the sake of it, nothing better to do with their time.
And if she is your mother then I feel very sorry for you.

Ohnonotthisagain2025 · 10/12/2025 23:08

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

7yo7yo · 10/12/2025 23:10

I wouldn’t be giving them lifts now.
I can’t imagine leaving my child waiting for a bus when I could pop out and collect them and had nothing to do.

Ladamesansmerci · 10/12/2025 23:10

I'm 32 and my dad will still occasionally give me a lift if I need them for any reason. Families help each other out. It was mean of them. Especially as you live at home. You are a household who should all support each other.

Original poster
coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 23:10

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Leaving seems more and more tempting by the day. Hard to figure out what I’d do/where I’d go though. It seems that the only option to really succeed in the UK at the moment is by taking a high paid city job.

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 10/12/2025 23:10

coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 19:14

I think what’s annoyed me most is I give my family lifts a lot. Every week I drive my dad to golf, I was giving my mum lifts a week after I had surgery and I regularly get drunken calls from my brother to pick him up in the middle of the night. But nobody could drive 15 minutes to me

Show quote history

Well you know what to do next time any of them want a lift don't you? You tell them no, you're in your pyjamas.

I'd be annoyed too. What a bunch of mean spirited arseholes.

Pricelessadvice · 10/12/2025 23:11

Gosh, this makes me so sad. My parents would drop everything to come and get me in that situation. Even if that meant getting out of bed to get me… and I’m 41!!

Bamfram · 10/12/2025 23:12

I am old, with kids her age, who gives lifts all the time. They pick us up at night when we are out, or drop us.
Thats what familys do.
Not a chance we would answer a request like that. We would be up and out, glad they felt they could call, glad we could help, glad they would be in a warm car soon.

OP, I'm glad you are now warm. Electric blankets are the best thing.

Your mothers response says a lot about her.
A long coat over pjs isn't a crime at night.
Manys the time a parent has done it.

Rewis · 10/12/2025 23:15

In MN expecting anything from your family is a crime. Expecting/asking rides is comparable to life sentence.

No, you were not unreasonable. It is totally normal in a family to help each other out. I would be pissed off if a friend or family member didn't ask in these circumstances. My brother is still mad at me tor walking home after surgery instead of calling him. Family help eachother out. Sometimes it is a ride, sometimes popping to a shop, sometimes cleaning when unwell, sometimes painting the fence.

I think you learned a lesson here not being able to count on them.

truffleruffle · 10/12/2025 23:20

How selfish. I would drop everything and help out especially after a long shift.
Don’t make yourself so available for their lifts

Dogmum1983 · 10/12/2025 23:20

What’s with all the shitty comments on here ?! Your family are being unfair not giving you a lift , you’ve explained your situation in detail and it’s annoying that a lot of people
on here are from the era of buying houses for next to nothing and now they are critical about why youngsters today can’t get their own properties … coz the housing market is absolutely screwed !!! If the op can live with her parents then why shouldn’t she ?! It’s not just for money reasons … sometimes mental health can stop people living by themselves . So many judgemental people on here atm looking down their noses at other …

what’s that saying ???

BE KIND !!!

Onautopilot · 10/12/2025 23:20

Perhaps, jollypotter, the OP is trying to save enough money to provide a roof over her own head? And 50 quid a week would be a good saving.
Her financial breakdown and transport choices are very sensible! This was a one- off request, ( not a demand or a strop ) to other family members who seem to view the OP as the household free taxi! I'd be knocking that on the head from tonight!
Then there is the safety aspect - lone woman on an exposed seafront in the dark is not safe at all.

Hope you are feeling warm and cosy now OP, and had a good tea.

AiryFairyLights · 10/12/2025 23:20

coldabdtired · 10/12/2025 23:10

Leaving seems more and more tempting by the day. Hard to figure out what I’d do/where I’d go though. It seems that the only option to really succeed in the UK at the moment is by taking a high paid city job.

Show quote history

You don’t have to answer this but what about house share?
I’m sorry you’ve had some horrible replies on here tonight - you don’t have to explain yourself, your finances, your reasons for living at home or any other thing that’s been thrown at you by some of the posters here!
YWNBU to ask, the reply you got was unkind and hurtful - especially as you give them lifts etc!
Please start saying no to them. I’m glad you’re home safe and sound and keep that heated blanket on high alllllllll night long 😉
Btw I have two of my three sons still living at home and I’ve gone out in my pjs and dressing gown to pick them up and would do it again if they needed it x

IntrinsicWorth · 10/12/2025 23:20

Transport delays are an unfortunate part of working and socialising whilst relying on public transport.

On the way home, I’d generally expect a child/ young adult to suck this up, as long as they were physically safe, and definitely have in the recent past with a minor (16 nearly 17).

I think the issue is the lack of reciprocity. It sounds a bit like you’re expected to be the Default Woman, collecting all and sundry because “be kind!”. So, your battle is probably not over a lift tonight but over unreasonable expectations on you, because you’re female. Your brother in particular needs to give himself a big shake.

TonyTheImpala · 10/12/2025 23:24

JollyPotter · 10/12/2025 22:14

IT’S NOT BEEN COLD TONIGHT!!
Which is why this seems like a very goady post.

It’s not even slightly goady. I think you know that.

Soashamed60 · 10/12/2025 23:26

@pollyglot have you not seen the news lately? There is a housing and col crisis. Young people are leaving home later due to the unaffordable cost of independant living. Op says the cost of parking is £50 a week more than the cost of the bus. That's £200 a month she's probably saving towards getting the hell away from her selfish parents and into their own place.

SparklyBiscuit · 10/12/2025 23:28

Yes I think its mean and unkind my parents always pick me up if I can't get bus or taxi home where I live there is no trains and buses stop after 6pm I wouldnt want my son daughter alone in the dark cold I would worry for their safety. My mum dad always pick me up and I'm 44

PatsyJane · 10/12/2025 23:29

That’s really mean I ‘d have gone to get my kids even if they were 50 ! ( if I can still drive then) . And take no notice of people saying you shouldn’t still be living at home. The housing market is a nightmare and it’s not your generation’s fault.

Magsbd · 10/12/2025 23:30

Why were the in pyjamas at 7pm?? I would have picked you up without a second thought. I did things like that for my daughter. Even picking her up when she was on a night out at age 18 and was feeling ill after having a couple of drinks which she wasn’t used to.

Namerequired · 10/12/2025 23:36

I have a son a similar age to you and have had those calls. As long as he didn’t take the piss I would always collect him if possible. Your parents are unreasonable, and your brother? Maybe stop giving them lifts

Bloozie · 10/12/2025 23:42

I’m always driving out to pick my son up in my slippers, nightdress and coat. Your mum is being mean.

latetothefisting · 10/12/2025 23:43

JollyPotter · 10/12/2025 22:14

IT’S NOT BEEN COLD TONIGHT!!
Which is why this seems like a very goady post.

wow.

I've been repeating an example of someone who ignored the whole point of a post (something about nursery/grandparent not putting a raincoat on small child iirc) to post "but it hasn't rained today?" because it stuck in my mind for nearly ten years as being one of the stupidest things someone has ever said, either in MN or real life, and now here's another one.

How can you get to the age and ability where you are able to post online without understanding that where you are isn't automatically exactly the same as the rest of the world?

Even if it's not as cold as it could be in December, most people would finding waiting outside for a long time in the evening pretty chilly.

Copperoliverbear · 10/12/2025 23:43

They’re being lazy and selfish