AIBU to be fed up of defending my choice to use formula

[Sequinbow]

I just want a bit of a rant, I’m fed up of having to defend formula feeding my little girl. She is 5 months old and thriving 💓 she absolutely loves her bottle and it’s wonderful to feed her she’s happy and content.

but….

I’ve had a stranger tell me (whilst I was feeding my LO) ‘breast is best’ and i should try harder to breast feed. I’ve also had colleagues and other mums pointing out ‘oh you’re not breastfeeding’ when I get her bottle out and asking why im not breast feeding.

There is a lot of chat in the mums WhatsApp group about how they are beside themselves to make the decision to bring in one bottle per day of formula to top up their supply and how they need to come to terms with it etc I find myself wanting to defend formula feeding my baby. And it’s the implication that my little girl is at a disadvantage because of me, her mum.
I wonder what do they think of me if they’re so caught up with adding just one bottle of formula when I exclusively formula fed.

im really fed up of having to defend my choices and having to provide a reason for formula feeding. I feel looked down on for formula feeding my daughter x

@Jane143

are you perfect yourself?

Crack on then as I doubt even your children go through life UPF and screen free, getting the exercise, educational experiences and plants they ideally need.

Oh dear God, you are so wrong!
It absolutely is magical.
Antibodies develop in the BM in response to infection detected in a babies saliva .
It is also richer and packed full of fatty acids at night which is why babies,wake at night when BF, your consultant is appalling in giving you incorrect information.
BM literally saves the lives of premature babies as it reduces the risk of EC.
That's why there are BM banks in NICU.

Formula is adequate, BM is better and the normal biological way to feed babies

You've bought into a lie. There's actually a lot of research that shows the advantages of breastfeeding are slim, non-significant and/or erroneously associated with short and long-term outcomes.

And they say propaganda doesn't work...

What part of my comment indicates you've upset me? I BF as it happens, for 2 years.

I still think your comment is dog shit.

Have you tried therapy to work out why seeing a baby being fed from something other than a breast causes you to feel the way you do?

Did you know that the most impactful factor in terms of a baby’s gut bacteria isn’t breastfeeding but the mode of delivery? Breastfeeding helps but the most significant contributor to a baby’s microbiome is whether they were born vaginally. Fun fact!

Then that’s selfish

BF is not the “normal” way to feed babies.

Formula has been around for centuries.

Normal means conforming to a standard; usual, typical - criteria which formula reaches .

It is evolutionarily the way we have come up with to feed babies. Our bodies do a lot of stuff that evolutionarily was good enough to allow us to survive but that's all it is: good enough. Not 'magical'. And in modern times a lot of things that evolved through random chance are pointless and an archaic hangover, rather than a divine occurrence.

Lots of daily parenting choices are selfish. Thankfully mothers don’t have to sacrifice themselves onto the alter of sainthood when making parenting choices.

It also reacts to babies temperature and changes accordingly and changes as they grow. It is pretty magical.

Absolutely but the FF wont have it!

But I paid £10 a tin, it must be better!!!😂

Oh dear. Hopefully we aren’t friends in real life.

In that case so is the womb, cervix, ovaries, fallopian tubes, basically every part of our body which sustains a pregnancy and aids in giving birth.

Breastfeeding does seem to bring out shall we say ‘high emotions’ in some women who never ever miss an opportunity to talk about it and praise themselves for their breastfeeding journey. Nobody is about to wax lyrical about how magic their fallopian tubes are as they can reach over and pinch an egg from the opposite ovary if needed.

Yes but not good formula. I don't think the pap 19th century babies were fed was good for them. Obviously we are designed to feed with our breasts as we are mammals with milk ducts.

I do think some women did struggle to breastfeed- hence wet nursing. Just like some women struggle to give birth safely. Biology is complicated.

I had c sections and I'm very glad they exist but I don't think they are the way we evolved to give birth. I don't feel the need to go around criticising vaginal birth.

Formula is one the best parenting decisions I ever made (not without some agonising with the first one).
Oh and I had C sections. A miracle I have 2 healthy children, really.

Honestly OP, I find the bf sanctimony and competitiveness so prevalent these days unbearable and just really unattractive in people .
But I'm not remotely jealous.

@Jane143

its perfectly ok to be selfish sometimes. It’s self preservation.

happy mum = happy baby

Tell them to stuff it. I heard a pediatrician once say that in 20 yrs if you stand two kids up side by side you won’t know who had the breast milk and who had the formula. Formula has to meet extremely high standards. I can’t believe the audacity of some people!

Actually I think that is pretty magical! I had fertility struggles and I often think how amazing it is that my eggs stepped up. I think pregnancy and birth are pretty magical as well. I also think medical advancements are great. Thank god we live in a world with modern obstetrics and safe formula.

You’re definitely not being unreasonable. I was absolutely set on breast feeding my daughter however after a very traumatic birth ending in an emergency c section combined with the minimal support I received at the hospital, over the course of my 5 days there, to breast feed as a first time mom, it just didn’t happen for me. I wish I had advocated for myself more in hindsight.

To then add insult to injury, I will never forget how distraught I felt when attempting to buy one of my first lots of formula at Boots with my advantage points (as I had them available) to be told I wasn’t allowed to because apparently the ‘UK law banned promotions on infant formula to encourage breastfeeding’. Can honestly say I had never felt so shit in my life and like I’d let my daughter down and was a terrible Mom.

Of course, fast forward to 4 years later, my formula fed baby is the brightest button and amazes me daily with her brain!

This can feel quite raw when you have a baby. I felt very judged too. I always intended to breastfeed and couldn’t. I over-compensated at the weaning stage and my first born had a perfect diet. I went a bit ott and counted micronutrients etc and recorded every mouthful of food for a year. I don’t recommend that either! However, I promise you, in 5 years time you won’t give a shit. Your baby needs feeding and formula is perfectly adequate for that purpose.

Absolutely not. I think you need therapy for the appalling rude way you speak to others though

YANBU, but I think either way there'd be comments. I exclusively BF and regularly got told "You need to give her some formula, your milk won't be enough" and "Why don't you introduce a bottle so someone could babysit?"

Most sensible people know it makes no difference as long as baby is fed, healthy, loved and cared for.

If youre going to state your (strange) views, for no other purpose than to be edgelord, which is clearly your aim, then you should be prepared for rudeness tbh.

If you arent, then perhaps message forums arent for you.

What strange views? I’ve totally lost track on what you are complaining about!