AIBU to be fed up of defending my choice to use formula

[Sequinbow]

I just want a bit of a rant, I’m fed up of having to defend formula feeding my little girl. She is 5 months old and thriving 💓 she absolutely loves her bottle and it’s wonderful to feed her she’s happy and content.

but….

I’ve had a stranger tell me (whilst I was feeding my LO) ‘breast is best’ and i should try harder to breast feed. I’ve also had colleagues and other mums pointing out ‘oh you’re not breastfeeding’ when I get her bottle out and asking why im not breast feeding.

There is a lot of chat in the mums WhatsApp group about how they are beside themselves to make the decision to bring in one bottle per day of formula to top up their supply and how they need to come to terms with it etc I find myself wanting to defend formula feeding my baby. And it’s the implication that my little girl is at a disadvantage because of me, her mum.
I wonder what do they think of me if they’re so caught up with adding just one bottle of formula when I exclusively formula fed.

im really fed up of having to defend my choices and having to provide a reason for formula feeding. I feel looked down on for formula feeding my daughter x

I breastfed my 1st and currently my 2nd. I’ve been relentlessly criticised and even ridiculed for it. No matter your choice, someone will take an issue with it. When you’re weaning, you’ll have more criticisms there too. How you discipline or nursery choices you make, they’ll be open to comments too. Motherhood seems to divide rather than unite. It’s pathetic really. Women should be supporting eachother, not tearing eachother down.

Just ignore. Who really gives a crap how you feed your baby, as long as they’re fed. Nobody else’s business but yours.

I must admit when I see Mums bottle feeding I do feel a bit upset for the baby, but then I remind myself they might have good reasons not to. It’s up to you. Maybe if you have another baby, bearing in mind how you feel about it now, you might want to try? But it’s your choice, nothing to do with strangers

This. I breast fed for the first couple of days to give colostrum and then switched to formula. Not one comment from anyone. Who knows maybe I was the subject of much whispered gossip behind my back? Although I doubt it. I'm an extremely boring person and I think all the other new mums I met were too busy navigating the trenches of early motherhood (just as I was) to care about the fact I was formula feeding. OP, just try and enjoy your baby. It's tough when you are in this phase but it's over so quickly.

Fuck sake 😂You feel upset for the baby 🤣

You dont need to justify your choice on feeding your daughter.
You will receive criticism on your feeding choices (and other parenting choices) regardless of your choices.
My daughter was born at 35 weeks weighing 5lbs and would not take to breast feeding despite support from professionals,her birth weight dropped and i eventually gave her formula ,she thrived but ohh the criticisms were endless and painful.
My son born at full term 7lbs 8oz took to breast feeding wouldnt take a botttle and thrived ,i breast fed him for 2 and a half years,ohh the criticisms were endless and painful.
Both my children thrived and there were no differences in their development and childhood.
They are grown up now and i explained the choices i made regarding feeding to them, they are the only people who deserve an explanation as to my choices for them.
Bottom line i did what i thought best for me and my family despite criticisms .

Absolutely rank thread in the end. Women just cannot fucking help themselves.

Why would you be upset for the baby. Bottle or breast feeding doesn't make any difference at all. You can't tell which kids have been bottle fed or breastfed.

I've bottle fed both my babies and you don't need to feel upset for them thanks. They're loved, happy and healthy.

I'm sorry for what you have experienced OP. I've bottle fed both my babies and never had any negative comments on it. And even if they did, I wouldn't feel any reason to justify the decisions I make for me and my children.

Quite frankly people need to get a life if they have nothing better to worry about whether a baby is formula fed or not anyone expressing judgement towards a mother, it says more negative about then it does about me.

Yes because the baby is missing out on the vital first weeks of antibodies from Mum

You can't win OP! I chose to FF from the get go and it was great for our family. All the literature provided by the hospital etc. said his much better breastfeeding was but the evidence is slim. Not sure if anyone else has mentioned it yet but Emily Oster's book is great on this. Clearly there are ethical limitations jn how they can run studies in relation to breastfeeding but I think it was something like, if you control for everything else, 1 in 4 breastfed babies will get 1 less tummy bug in the first year. I had a baby in Covid and the only group going was a breastfeeding one. They absolutely refused to let me join even though there were lots of bottles in the mix at that point, because I didn't try. It was such a lonely time. Sadly you may have to just get a thick skin as everyone has opinions and people can be sanctimonious assholes!

I can’t believe people really care, other than the WhatsApp group.
But I’m from a WC area and everyone bottle feeds! You are weird if you breastfeed.
If you are happy with your choice why do you care!

The benefits of breastfeeding have actually been misinterpreted and overstated. It's a pretty cool biological function, but this idea that it's significantly 'better' is a fallacy.

Have you tried getting over yourself?

How we feed our babies is a personal choice. Nobody should feel bad or be made to feel bad. Just because someone feels sad about bringing a bottle in for their baby, doesn’t mean they are judging you.

I wouldn’t give it another thought - enjoy your baby!

There is nothing wrong with my comment. The fact it’s upset you is maybe your own guilt for some reason? Did you bottle feed? I actually don’t care but I see no need for your comment to me unless you have your own hang ups. This is a public forum.

@Jane143

if a mum doesn’t want to breastfeed then she doesn’t want to. Or if she can’t, then she can’t. It doesn’t make her any less of a good mother, and her babies don’t need random strangers to feel sorry for them.

You get shit on no matter what. I had lots of negative comments about breastfeeding. Especially once you get past the 6 month mark.

If you wanted to breastfeed and couldn't, that's very upsetting. I'm sorry you didn't get the support you needed.

Everyone wants to do the best for their babies. Objectively, breastfeeding is best. If a woman for some reason cannot do it, she will be sad. And women should be allowed to express their upset at such an important thing in their lives. It's not about YOU.

Of course the choice is yours but the bottom line is Breast is Best. For a whole load of really well researched biological reasons . So a choice to bottle feed is the second best choice. There are a huge amount of physiological reasons why some women can’t breast feed, therefore formula feeding is the only option. If this is your position OP then that’s what’s best..

However - if you didn’t bother trying or just didn’t fancy it.. then you have done your child a disservice

Upset! It’s just a parenting choice. Do you feel upset when you see children eating UPFs, on tablets instead of reading books, not exercising etc etc

Do you think it's possible you're not getting positive vibes from strangers/other mums because you're so stroppy ? Must be the most defensive OP lve ever seen on here. The posters you've accused of being rude were perfectly reasonable, you just chose to take offence.

Formula is full of rubbish (not literal rubbish, but you know what I mean)
there are actually women who sell their own breast milk which would have been better

There are many many second best choices that parents make every day as such by your logic every parent is doing their children a disservice daily.

Yes I do!

It’s the most scrutinised food humans eat. It’s not full of rubbish. The diet of the vast majority of children in the uk on the other hand is full of rubbish aka UPFs.

Formula is one of the last parenting choices you should lose sleep over.