To not apologise to sibling

[Bearingsbear20]

It's another inheritance one!

My sibling and I had a verbal agreement that I would take DF's whole estate when he died (as I'm the only one named in his will, sibling isn't as they don't get on, they keep saying he was abusive when they were a child etc. which is stupid as he's pleasant now) and my sibling would take DM's.

DM died earlier this year somewhat unexpectedly and didn't leave any legal will. We then found a draft will naming sibling as taking the bulk of the estate and leaving me a small remainder. This tallies with what DM told me i would be left, as she phoned me up before she died and told me she was trying to 'make it fair' between us.

Initially I told sibling to sort out all the administrative stuff for DM's estate as I was about to have my first DC and was too busy to take it on. Sibling initially was communicative, let me know what was happening. Involved me in the funeral etc.

After a few weeks I told sibling I wanted 50% of mum's estate as per the law since there was no valid will and that i would buy sibling out of their share of the house. Sibling then mostly stopped talking to me, I couldn't find out what was happening with the estate etc. and we argued several times. Sibling was insisting I was doing the wrong thing for pushing for my 50% and they kept mentioning DF's will, which is unreasonable IMO and I find it sad they are talking about this before he's even passed. Sibling wanted to put DM's house up for auction and said they'd be in touch when the estate admin was sorted and would follow the intestacy rules. Then they started selling off assets e.g. the car without consulting me.

I went and got a solicitor to send a letter to my sibling as I wasn't getting any detail about the estate and they were refusing to have me buy out 50% of their share of the house. The solicitor sent a few letters and eventually now sibling has agreed I can buy out their share.

They're now not talking to me though and have refused to see me over Christmas etc. until I 'acknowledge what I've done'. I don't see that I've done anything wrong, I've just pushed for my legal inheritance, and sibling cut contact first. So AIBU?

I bet OP said to mum “don’t worry mum sibling can have it all cos I’m having dads so it’ll be fair. Don’t need to draw up a new will we’ve got an agreement …” so she never finalised it.

There are some threads that you just read and laugh at the crazy shit youve just read.

I wish your brother peace and a better family than he grew up with (perhaps bar your mum)

Yabvu.

No doubt she encouraged your mother to leave your father because your father was abusive. She had your mum's welfare and wellbeing at heart. You are just a money grabbing domestic abuse apologist.

Your mum would be furious at you not abiding by her wishes. I hope she haunts you.

I find it really weird that you didn’t know about the legal position when you made this weird inheritance agreement. It’s not some big complex secret, even one knows about interstate. Your sibling obviously assumed you’d honour your agreement despite that.

You are horrible to your sibling -

1. you are dismissive about their childhood abuse, calling it stupid.
2. You made them do all the admit stuff regarding mother’s estate and didn’t mention you changed your mind about the agreement you had with them.
3. You are greedy - taking whole of father’s estate, also wanting 50% of your mum’s.
4. you don’t care about your mother’s wishes.

What a greedy horror you are. Am surprised anyone wants anything to do with you at all.

Saying you “have to follow the law” by taking 50% is just so bizarre and wrong. No. The law says you are entitled to 50%. Do you think you’ll be arrested if you don’t take it?! It’s like how I am legally entitled to cheat on my husband. That doesn’t make it morally right though!!! I am legally entitled to tell my gran she’s a silly twit and I hate her. That doesn’t mean either of those things are advisable if I wish to spend Christmas with either of them. And it certainly doesn’t mean I’m obliged to do any of those things. Honestly, it’s been a couple of hours since I first read this thread and I’m still shaking my head at the idea that you think the law would be at all interested if you and your sister mutually and amicably decided to split the money however you wanted, as if you’d have the police knocking if they found out you didn’t take the full 50% 🤣🤣🤣 wtaf

Either do the honourable thing and stand by your agreement and your mother’s wishes, or be grabby and take what you’re entitled to but at least don’t expect your sister to be happy about the betrayal, and PLEASE don’t pretend you had no other option. That’s just totally untrue.

You know the answer to this because it was in your original post. All three if you; you, your sibling and your mother, were on the same page with a verbal agreement that you wouldn't inherit the bulk of your mother's estate. You changed your mind after your mother died.

That is the issue. You've been given alot of logical replies on this thread, surely you can see that you have reneged on what was agreed and in fact wished for by your mother? Legal rights aside, as that's not the question here. As others have said you didn't have to pursue 50%, it's a mere technicality that you could because your mother trusted you to uphold her wishes clearly.

It's a real shame as you say you had a good relationship with your sibling, prior to your mother's death. It sounds like your mother agreed abuse took place or she'd not have separated from your father too, that isn't a step taken lightly. She wanted you both to have 50% of your parents estate and that could only happen by her leaving the bulk of hers to your sibling, and you knew that.o

She must have had to stay strong to do so when so many of the family keep in with him. The older people get, the frailer and more helpless they seem, and its very easy to forget what horrible choices they have made or how awful they have behaved towards people in their younger days.

I mean this is probably avpost to get people debating and not true at all but I would venture that the DM wasn’t completely decided about not leaving her children equal shares. It’s a difficult thing for a mother to do so maybe she decided not to go through with it. She didn’t have an official will and she could have done one.
However I think the DF is continuing abusive behavior by telling the DS she is written out of whatever he leaves ( if anything ) so I would quietly tell my sibling that in that case it will be half each no matter what his will says.

You will need to provide care for him and wipe his abusive arse or he will probably amend his will to cut you out as well.

Your sister is well rid of the lot of you. She's got the better deal not having to see or talk to you and the other arseholes in your dysfunctional family.

I do hope you listen to the advice on here OP and take it on board. It is indeed, deeply unreasonable to go back on what was agreed. It's a moral question between family, not a legal one. It's like if you asked "Am I being unreasonable, cheating on my husband?" then when the inevitable responses came through, argued with everyone by saying it isn't illegal to do so.

See I can sort of understand OP going back on her word. Money it’s tempting.

what I don’t understand at all is her wide eyed confusion about her sibling hating her as a result.

Yabu, your agreement was you had DF estate and she had DM estate. Your DM has died first and now you've changed your mind because you want money sooner. I trust if you get 50% of your DM's estate you'll be more then willing to hand over 50% of your DF estate to her when he goes? Thats only fair right? No? Well then do the right thing and stick to your original agreement. I can see why she doesn't want to speak to you or spend Christmas with you right now and I'd not blame her if she decided to not speak to you again unless you did the right thing one way or the other.

Enjoy all the money you get from both parents. You need money more than you need a relationship with your sibling. Not sure why you care your sibling does not talk to you.

Blimey. I would venture that her mother would have wrtitten a will had this been what she truly wanted . It’s not hard to do but maybe despite the talk and drafts she couldn’t bring herself to give less to one child than to the orher. If I was the DS I wouldn’t have expected it either . The abusive DF has done a good job of splitting a family up here. However if I was the OP Îd care for my father out of love if that what she feels is right and would quietly be telling DS that no matter what , if anything ,he leaves in his will it will be split between us unless he leaves it to cat’s home that is. Anyway it’s an interesting debate I doubt it’s a real story though 😅

Money is tempting to the point of ruining your relationship with your sibling. Wow.

I agree it would be most fair if they each had 50% of each estate, as it is unknown if the father will have anything left at this point. Although if I were OP's sister, I would trust her as much as I would trust a starved lion not to eat me. I would keep OP's half of DM's estate in a savings account until both estates could be shared equally.

Trustworthy and compassionate people do not become morally bankrupt, reprehensible individuals just because someone waves a wad of cash in their face.

I suspect OP's sibling already knew what her sister was when the estate was first mentioned, which is why she didn't mention sharing both estates when things first went wrong.

So you want 75% of the total inheritance. Or will you share 50/50 what your DF leaves you?

Why was it ok to discuss what your DM would leave as a inheritance while she was alive but it's sad to talk about your DFs while he is alive.

Its very possible that you were parented differently. It's very common. YABU to disregard this just because DF is pleasant now.

Abusive parents can turn mellow as they get old and don't have the same energy anymore. That doesn't mean they shouldn't be held to account for their past behaviour.

The only fair thing to do is to split everything equally or stick with the original agreement of you take DFs and sibling takes from DM.

My twopence worth here is that DM never did make that call to you about trying to make it fair between you. Sounds like greed has taken over and you will stop at nothing to see your sibling gets less.

the law changes things.

Law is not forcing you to make a claim on 50% of the estate. Just say you pounced on the opportunity because money is more attractive than relationship with sister and wishes of mother.

This has to be a reverse? Surely!

i think op thinks if they don’t make a claim to 50% of mother’s estate, they will be arrested for going against the law. Poor op.

This is so despicable.

I know it's fucking ridiculous, the OP is just using that as an excuse to steal her sisters share....

You’re hiding behind “the law” because you can. You can gift your 50% to your sibling to stand by the agreement. There are ways to do this, you just don’t want to.

You aren’t trustworthy.

I’m glad I’m not your sibling.

It was a silly agreement in the first place.

I would cut contact with you if you were my sibling.