To not apologise to sibling

[Bearingsbear20]

It's another inheritance one!

My sibling and I had a verbal agreement that I would take DF's whole estate when he died (as I'm the only one named in his will, sibling isn't as they don't get on, they keep saying he was abusive when they were a child etc. which is stupid as he's pleasant now) and my sibling would take DM's.

DM died earlier this year somewhat unexpectedly and didn't leave any legal will. We then found a draft will naming sibling as taking the bulk of the estate and leaving me a small remainder. This tallies with what DM told me i would be left, as she phoned me up before she died and told me she was trying to 'make it fair' between us.

Initially I told sibling to sort out all the administrative stuff for DM's estate as I was about to have my first DC and was too busy to take it on. Sibling initially was communicative, let me know what was happening. Involved me in the funeral etc.

After a few weeks I told sibling I wanted 50% of mum's estate as per the law since there was no valid will and that i would buy sibling out of their share of the house. Sibling then mostly stopped talking to me, I couldn't find out what was happening with the estate etc. and we argued several times. Sibling was insisting I was doing the wrong thing for pushing for my 50% and they kept mentioning DF's will, which is unreasonable IMO and I find it sad they are talking about this before he's even passed. Sibling wanted to put DM's house up for auction and said they'd be in touch when the estate admin was sorted and would follow the intestacy rules. Then they started selling off assets e.g. the car without consulting me.

I went and got a solicitor to send a letter to my sibling as I wasn't getting any detail about the estate and they were refusing to have me buy out 50% of their share of the house. The solicitor sent a few letters and eventually now sibling has agreed I can buy out their share.

They're now not talking to me though and have refused to see me over Christmas etc. until I 'acknowledge what I've done'. I don't see that I've done anything wrong, I've just pushed for my legal inheritance, and sibling cut contact first. So AIBU?

Bollocks!!

Good lord OP. Do you have cloven hoofs and a forked tail?

Good lord! The words that come to mind are "selfish", "greedy" and "nasty piece of work". And that's not in reference to your sibling.

You're trying to royally fuck over your sibling, and you're complaining that your sibling isn't being nice, helpful and pleasant to you while you do it.

You may end up with lots of money OP, but you've no morals. You've sold your soul.

I don't know how you can look yourself in the mirror.

Firstly, firstly you sound fairly horrible @Bearingsbear20....

But I would assume that given you've challenged you're mother's intentions. Your sister will be able to challenge your fathers will. I hope she gets alot.

I was reluctant to join in the obviously goading OP, and maybe a windup one too. However, you are correct except the surviving spouse gets a fixed sum + half the remaining estate where the value is more than around £300k. The remaining half of the residue is divided amongst children. If less than that, all goes to spouse.

I wonder does OP know this, despite the legal advice given.

It's not real folks, wind them up and watch the Duracell Bunny take off!

You posted in AIBU and the majority are saying you are BU, you don’t seem to want to hear that though.

So I’m just going to say that based on the information you have provided and the way you are responding to questions and comments, you are coming across as a bit of a backstabbing, grabby, unpleasant git. Choose to take that feedback on board or not, it’s up to you.

You sound like greedy and selfish. I am gobsmacked your family are all supporting this grabby behaviour.

You're absolutely disgusting for multiple reasons.

You acknowledge there was an agreement there and you're going back on it saying that it's the law etc but you know full well what you're doing. You're just being a money grabber.

You admit that your DF was abusive. It's your choice to forgive him and she is certainly within her rights not to. I was abused by a family member, same as my Mum - she chose to forgive him and I didn't but not once have either of us judged each other for doing what we felt right.

FWIW I have cared for my disabled mother my whole life, my siblings have done nothing but her will is still being split fairly as I think it should be. It's not all about money.

Your Dad's not dead yet, there's time for things to change.

Do you genuinely not understand why your sibling is upset with this situation?

You should keep your word.

I gave a previous reply about this fact, but I omitted to say it would only apply if the parents were still married and not divorced.

You're greedy and you know it.
You have the opportunity to make things fair and instead you come on here bragging about your inheritance and bad-mouthing your sibling.
You're despicable.

This can’t be real? You sound absolutely awful! How dare you go against your mums wishes so you can take 50% then take 100% of DF’s. It’s irrelevant whether the sibling helps or speaks to them as they clearly were affected by his behaviour. Your DM clearly thought this was a fair way and you’ve completely disrespected her. It makes no difference if your family ‘agree’, they sound as greedy and selfish as you. I feel really sorry for your sibling and I hope when the time comes they contest DF’s will to get back their fair share.

It’s clearly all about the money. Nothing else. I know it doesn’t count for a lot these days but I wander how you sleep at night? Knowing deep down in your heart that you’re a bit of a c@&t?

Challenges are seldom successful and cost a fortune. The sibling would appear to have no grounds to challenge a will given they don’t even have any contact with their father, let alone been financially dependent. A challenge is a non starter.

I have more sympathy for you as you may be thinking along the lines of "a bird in the hand", perhaps you don't want to let your entitlement to your mother's estate go for the mere promise of receiving all of your father's estate? If I'm right, then have a conversation with your sibling and maybe get a solicitor involved so that the share of both estates is 50/50 because if I was your sibling I wouldn't be happy about you going back on your claim for fear of you claiming 75% of both estates.

I'm of the opinion that all estates should be shared equally between children, whatever the relationship between the parents and their children - why poison the next generation with favouritism and punishments? But that's not on you - that's the tangled mess you've been left with.

Threads like this give me a rare moment of gratitude to be an only child. Your poor sibling - an abusive father, mum recently deceased and now their only sibling is laying claim to 75% of the family estate and breaking a long-held promise.

You do realise that your father has disinherited your sibling because of the abuse he inflicted upon them - he is angry and guilty and intends to continue to punish them - even in death. You, however, are his sole beneficiary BECAUSE you condone and have tolerated/diminished the abuse of your sibling. If I were you, I wouldn’t touch a penny of his money based on that alone.

Oh what a grim nasty human you are !! Absolutely vile and please dont create any more tiny humans !

This 100 times over.

So your Dad was abusive but you think your Sibling needs to get over it.

You have morals lower than an alleycat.
Legal and moral can be different things. Your poor sister.

This reads like a reverse, the OP comes across to much as a villain like someone trying to write from the perspective of someone who they cannot truly understand the motivation of

Wow I hope this not a real situation or I’m shocked at how you cannot see how utterly wrong you are! Legally it may be right but morally absolutely wrong! You made an agreement with your sibling and now renaged on it for pure selfishness and greed! You’re trying to fool yourself that you’re not behaving like the awful human you are behaving like by quoting but it’s legal! Karma will come to get you! Good luck to you sibling and you as you’re going to need to when karma comes back to bite you!

Legally you might be right. But you're behaviour is greedy and pretty low. The solicitor doesn't have to live with the consequences of your actions - you do.

She stopped communicating because you stabbed her in the back!

just put yourself in her shoes. The father that abused you rings you up and tells you that he’s with your sibling and he’s cut you out the the will and sibling will get everything and you nothing

sibling slides up and says “dont worry - you can have all of mums - ill not do that to you!”

mum starts to draw up draft will to ensure you get all due to her ExH behaviour - but doesn’t get it finalised because she believes children have a moral agreement so doesn’t think theres any need and you will get all because Sibling said so

then DM dies, you start to administer the will and sibling rocks up and says - actually I never meant any of what I said cos I’m a selfish cunt and I want half of mums estate.

if it was the other way round —- would you be speaking to them right now?? Would you fuck.

Karma will get you. You reap what you sow.

That last bit has to be a joke, surely?

Not read everything but probably going against the grain. I think if that’s what your DM wanted it should have put in an official will not a draft or a phone call. Îm guessing your parents aren’t married because if not intestacy usually means it goes to the spouse? Your DF could use all his money in care anyway or remarry or just spend it and you might be left nothing.
I love my sibling and would hate to fall out over money so Îd need to think if it was really worth a rift? I think I would promise to share any inheritance from DF further down rhe line if I took half of DM’s estate now.and I would keep that promise