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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not apologise to sibling

725 replies

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:09

It's another inheritance one!

My sibling and I had a verbal agreement that I would take DF's whole estate when he died (as I'm the only one named in his will, sibling isn't as they don't get on, they keep saying he was abusive when they were a child etc. which is stupid as he's pleasant now) and my sibling would take DM's.

DM died earlier this year somewhat unexpectedly and didn't leave any legal will. We then found a draft will naming sibling as taking the bulk of the estate and leaving me a small remainder. This tallies with what DM told me i would be left, as she phoned me up before she died and told me she was trying to 'make it fair' between us.

Initially I told sibling to sort out all the administrative stuff for DM's estate as I was about to have my first DC and was too busy to take it on. Sibling initially was communicative, let me know what was happening. Involved me in the funeral etc.

After a few weeks I told sibling I wanted 50% of mum's estate as per the law since there was no valid will and that i would buy sibling out of their share of the house. Sibling then mostly stopped talking to me, I couldn't find out what was happening with the estate etc. and we argued several times. Sibling was insisting I was doing the wrong thing for pushing for my 50% and they kept mentioning DF's will, which is unreasonable IMO and I find it sad they are talking about this before he's even passed. Sibling wanted to put DM's house up for auction and said they'd be in touch when the estate admin was sorted and would follow the intestacy rules. Then they started selling off assets e.g. the car without consulting me.

I went and got a solicitor to send a letter to my sibling as I wasn't getting any detail about the estate and they were refusing to have me buy out 50% of their share of the house. The solicitor sent a few letters and eventually now sibling has agreed I can buy out their share.

They're now not talking to me though and have refused to see me over Christmas etc. until I 'acknowledge what I've done'. I don't see that I've done anything wrong, I've just pushed for my legal inheritance, and sibling cut contact first. So AIBU?

OP posts:
RosePetals86 · 10/12/2025 11:11

I can see why she would be upset with you. Put yourself in her position.

Solentsolo · 10/12/2025 11:12

So you agreed she would get mum’s estates and you would get dads estate, and your now backing out of that agreement?

Original poster
Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:14

Yes @Solentsolo because I am following the intestacy rules, the draft will/ verbal agreement isn't valid.

OP posts:
boredwfh · 10/12/2025 11:14

You are completely unreasonable because you had an agreement and now you’re going back on it. What it looks like now you’ll get 50% of your mums estate and 100% of your dads! You’re also going against your mums wishes as what she stated in her draft will. It might be legal but it’s not ethically right. Are you going to ask your dad to change his will so your brother gets half? What is your reasoning for going back on what was agreed? Greed comes to mind. I’m not surprised he’s not talking to you tbh

Icanflyhigh · 10/12/2025 11:14

YADBU
You're planning to take the whole of your DF estate when the time comes and you're pushing for 50% of DMs even though there was a verbal agreement.

Greed is an ugly trait.

AphroditesSeashell · 10/12/2025 11:15

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:14

Yes @Solentsolo because I am following the intestacy rules, the draft will/ verbal agreement isn't valid.

But you do know you're going against your mums wishes. While it might be legal, it's certainly immoral. YABU

Lyra87 · 10/12/2025 11:16

Are you going to split your DF's estate with sibling when he passes if youre fighting for.50% of your DM estate? Or do you believe you're entitled to 75% of your parents total estate and your siblings is lesser? I wouldn't talk to you either. You really don't understand why they're angry?

BillieWiper · 10/12/2025 11:16

Why are you demanding 50% when you had an agreement s/he would get all of it, and you all of DF's?

Not surprised they're angry with you. So you think you should have all of one and half the other. While s/he just gets half of one. How is that remotely fair?

lazyarse123 · 10/12/2025 11:16

So you want 100% of dads and 50% of mums and leave your sister with just 50%of mums. Wow you are seriously fucking awful.
How can you not see that's wrong.

DaisyChain505 · 10/12/2025 11:17

YABU

ComfortFoodCafe · 10/12/2025 11:17

So you had an agreement, and now your being greedy & taking advantage of your sibling and going against your mums wishes? No wonder they want nothing to do with you. You don’t sound very nice, very greedy person.

ComtesseDeSpair · 10/12/2025 11:17

Regardless of the legal aspects, of course your sibling is going to be upset and angry by you reneging on an agreement you had. It’s not going to help that you seem to be undermining their childhood abuse by saying it’s stupid they don’t speak with your dad because he’s a nice man nowadays. The whole compilation is going to be very hurtful. You can’t really expect them to want the same relationship with you now as they did when they believed you were loyal and they could trust your word, even if you might be “right” in terms of what the will says.

McSpoot · 10/12/2025 11:17

You lost me at “he’s pleasant now”. As if that excuses prior abuse.

ComfortFoodCafe · 10/12/2025 11:18

McSpoot · 10/12/2025 11:17

You lost me at “he’s pleasant now”. As if that excuses prior abuse.

Clearly just being pleasant to their dad for their will! Hopefully he clocks on and writes them out.

Original poster
Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:18

I sought legal advice and they confirmed I should follow the legal process i.e. claim um rightful 50%.

For background, sibling hasn't bothered with DF for months. They never visit anymore and is spreading nasty lies about his 'abuse'. Whereas I see him regularly, help out with his care etc.

OP posts:
IHadaMarvelousTimeRuiningEverything · 10/12/2025 11:18

I can see you're following the intestacy rules but why can't you transfer it to her once you've had it paid out - as you did agree she would get it all?

You're perfectly entitled to keep it, but don't expect to retain a relationship with your sibling if you do.

itsthetea · 10/12/2025 11:18

You know your mothers wishes
you know what she wrote

XWKD · 10/12/2025 11:18

Have you no conscience?

ComfortFoodCafe · 10/12/2025 11:19

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:18

I sought legal advice and they confirmed I should follow the legal process i.e. claim um rightful 50%.

For background, sibling hasn't bothered with DF for months. They never visit anymore and is spreading nasty lies about his 'abuse'. Whereas I see him regularly, help out with his care etc.

Do you lack any morals? Why should you benefit 150% of the wills and your sibling only gets 50%, do you only care about money?

ObsidianTree · 10/12/2025 11:19

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:18

I sought legal advice and they confirmed I should follow the legal process i.e. claim um rightful 50%.

For background, sibling hasn't bothered with DF for months. They never visit anymore and is spreading nasty lies about his 'abuse'. Whereas I see him regularly, help out with his care etc.

So you do want 50% of your mum's estate and 100% of you dad's?

I can see why your sibling doesn't want to talk to you.

Can't believe you don't see that you're being unreasonable.

SilverPink · 10/12/2025 11:20

Always, always comes down to greed in the end.

pinkspeakers · 10/12/2025 11:20

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:14

Yes @Solentsolo because I am following the intestacy rules, the draft will/ verbal agreement isn't valid.

So why did you have a verbal agreement in the first place?

IHadaMarvelousTimeRuiningEverything · 10/12/2025 11:20

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:18

I sought legal advice and they confirmed I should follow the legal process i.e. claim um rightful 50%.

For background, sibling hasn't bothered with DF for months. They never visit anymore and is spreading nasty lies about his 'abuse'. Whereas I see him regularly, help out with his care etc.

How do you know she hasn't suffered abuse? Your lived experience isn't going to be the same as hers. I very much doubt she cut him off for absolutely no reason.

sickleaveornot · 10/12/2025 11:21

Legally you may be correct, morally you're a twat.

Also by saying that your DF is "pleasent now" I'm guessing that means he wasn't always? In which case sibling probably is correct that there was some abuse

boredwfh · 10/12/2025 11:21

But what about his mother? I assume they had a good relationship and she drafted her wishes. Are you actually saying you believe you’re entitled to 75% of your parents estate? Everyone here is telling you that you’re wrong. Just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s right