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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not apologise to sibling

725 replies

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:09

It's another inheritance one!

My sibling and I had a verbal agreement that I would take DF's whole estate when he died (as I'm the only one named in his will, sibling isn't as they don't get on, they keep saying he was abusive when they were a child etc. which is stupid as he's pleasant now) and my sibling would take DM's.

DM died earlier this year somewhat unexpectedly and didn't leave any legal will. We then found a draft will naming sibling as taking the bulk of the estate and leaving me a small remainder. This tallies with what DM told me i would be left, as she phoned me up before she died and told me she was trying to 'make it fair' between us.

Initially I told sibling to sort out all the administrative stuff for DM's estate as I was about to have my first DC and was too busy to take it on. Sibling initially was communicative, let me know what was happening. Involved me in the funeral etc.

After a few weeks I told sibling I wanted 50% of mum's estate as per the law since there was no valid will and that i would buy sibling out of their share of the house. Sibling then mostly stopped talking to me, I couldn't find out what was happening with the estate etc. and we argued several times. Sibling was insisting I was doing the wrong thing for pushing for my 50% and they kept mentioning DF's will, which is unreasonable IMO and I find it sad they are talking about this before he's even passed. Sibling wanted to put DM's house up for auction and said they'd be in touch when the estate admin was sorted and would follow the intestacy rules. Then they started selling off assets e.g. the car without consulting me.

I went and got a solicitor to send a letter to my sibling as I wasn't getting any detail about the estate and they were refusing to have me buy out 50% of their share of the house. The solicitor sent a few letters and eventually now sibling has agreed I can buy out their share.

They're now not talking to me though and have refused to see me over Christmas etc. until I 'acknowledge what I've done'. I don't see that I've done anything wrong, I've just pushed for my legal inheritance, and sibling cut contact first. So AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 10/12/2025 11:33

So you’re completely ignoring your mother’s wishes? Nice.

ComfortFoodCafe · 10/12/2025 11:34

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:30

@Solentsolo DM wasn't well when she made her draft will reducing my share. She was well known to fall out with people

Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, im sure your mum is looking down at you & is utterly ashamed and horrified at your lack of care towards your sister. Shame on you op. Do you even know what empathy is?

Toddlerteaplease · 10/12/2025 11:34

Wow! I would never do that to my sister! No wonder she’s pissed off with you.

ShesTheAlbatross · 10/12/2025 11:35

My sibling and I had a verbal agreement that I would take DF’s whole estate when he died (as I’m the only one named in his will)

So not a verbal agreement, just following the will?

They keep mentioning DF’s will, which is unreasonable IMO and I find it sad they are talking about this before he’s even passed

Slightly hypocritical since you’ve clearly had verbal agreements about both your parents’ estates.

But broadly speaking, legally I guess you’re right. You mother didn’t leave a legal will so you’re entitled to half, and your father has a legal will leaving you everything so you’re entitled to that.

Morally though if I believed that my mother’s will was written genuinely by her then I’d stick to it even if it wasn’t legal.

ProseccoPie · 10/12/2025 11:35

I hope losing your sister and all the relationships associated with her is worth the money…..

me24x · 10/12/2025 11:35

Presumably you knew the law when you came to this agreement with your sibling and still agreed upon it? You sound horribly greedy. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Allmywishcometrue · 10/12/2025 11:36

", they keep saying he was abusive when they were a child etc. which is stupid as he's pleasant now)"

😮😮😮😮

heartofsunshine · 10/12/2025 11:36

You have a choice, you can do this or you can have your sibling. Not both.

SparklyGlitterballs · 10/12/2025 11:36

There's a big difference between what is legally correct and what is morally right to do. You are very greedy to take so much of your DM's estate, knowing what her wishes were, and in light of the verbal agreement you had with your sibling.

You keep telling yourself it's the right thing to do, because you're the only one who seems to think so.

UrbanFan · 10/12/2025 11:36

I hope your father writes a new will leaving everything to charity, rather than giving his money to a greedy selfish child.

beAsensible1 · 10/12/2025 11:36

your being cheeky and you know. you know what your mums wishes were regardless of a written will and know this was based on fairness and getting half of your fathers estate.

You are wrong and behaving abominably.
Your mother spoke to you, she trusted you.

Enigma54 · 10/12/2025 11:38

Greed comes to mind!!

Timebudda · 10/12/2025 11:38

You sound like a greedy bitch.
Sorry op but I'll say it how I read it.
Its all about money to you.

Cardinalita90 · 10/12/2025 11:38

Shame on you. Your poor sibling and mum.

Maddy70 · 10/12/2025 11:38

You are going against your mum's wishes. It was all agreed. You both knew this. You are greedy and unreasonable

monicagellerbing · 10/12/2025 11:38

You’re disgusting. HTH

Stompingupthemountain · 10/12/2025 11:38

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:26

I'm surprised people are ignoring the law here. With no valid will, the estate is split 50/50. Sibling knew this but chose to ignore me while they carried on with the administration. Without the solicitors intervening they may have sold off the house at too low a price for us both.

Anyway re: DF. He used to drink a lot, swear etc! He treated us all badly. But sibling got a good job and moved away for a few years. When they moved back, DF told sibling that they weren't in his will because I'd helped him out more. Now sibling is very bitter over this, keeps going on about therapy etc. The rest of the family keep saying they need to get over it

You and the rest of the family sound like complete dicks. I hope the sibling contests your father’s will

IamnotSethRogan · 10/12/2025 11:39

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:14

Yes @Solentsolo because I am following the intestacy rules, the draft will/ verbal agreement isn't valid.

You may be following the law but you're ignoring your mothers wishes and what you and your sibling had agreed upon so yes, I can see why she doesn't want to speak to you.

Original poster
Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:39

@SparklyGlitterballs no, most of the family think I'm doing the right thing. When I own the house I'll be renovating it and selling it at a profit more than likely. There's a lot of relatives who think sibling is BU for getting so upset over it and not talking to me and DF anymore.

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 10/12/2025 11:39

I’m sorry this you take mums and I’ll have dads was a bit daft as huge variant on who goes when and how much they have left.

you are entitled to 50% of your mums and it should ideally have been that from the beginning - the tricky bit is you know what you agreed to and what your mum wanted and you are going against this now. It’s likely your sister won’t forgive you - so you mind as well press on and accept that

BogusBargins · 10/12/2025 11:40

Funny how it was all agreed and you were happy with it until your mom passed first, now you can’t wait to get your grubby little hands on money you KNOW isn’t yours, legal or not!

Hopefully it keeps you warm, as your sisters presence in your life certainly won’t…

UrbanFan · 10/12/2025 11:40

Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:39

@SparklyGlitterballs no, most of the family think I'm doing the right thing. When I own the house I'll be renovating it and selling it at a profit more than likely. There's a lot of relatives who think sibling is BU for getting so upset over it and not talking to me and DF anymore.

I don't know why you came on here with your post. It's clear that you are selfish and just do whatever you want, and that you don't care about anyone else.

Biskieboo · 10/12/2025 11:42

pinkspeakers · 10/12/2025 11:20

So why did you have a verbal agreement in the first place?

Show quote history

Very much this. It must have been the understanding that this verbal agreement would cut across what was in any wills otherwise what's the point of having it at all? But now that it turns out that the intestacy rules give her a better outcome, the OP is forgetting all about that agreement. If the OP is intending to split the father's estate 50/50 irrespective of what any will might say then fair enough. But from what she's said I suspect that if the father's will says 'everything to OP' then she'll be insisting on doing the legally correct thing then too. If so then that's despicable.

Original poster
Bearingsbear20 · 10/12/2025 11:42

Yes @ittakes2 it was naive in hindsight but the two estates are likely very similar in value. Sibling and I discussed this quite a bit at the time but we didn't expect the will not to be valid; reality and the law changes things.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 10/12/2025 11:42

ComfortFoodCafe · 10/12/2025 11:18

Clearly just being pleasant to their dad for their will! Hopefully he clocks on and writes them out.

Show quote history

I think you've misunderstood, it isn't the OP or her sibling who is 'being pleasant' now, it is the dad - who was not 'pleasant' to OP's sibling before. OP thinks dad being 'pleasant' now magically wipes the damage caused to sibling by dad's earlier abusiveness.

"[sibling] keep saying he was abusive when they were a child etc. which is stupid as he's pleasant now"