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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

£100 Christmas budget per teen, I feel awful

411 replies

ClypoClimb · 09/12/2025 19:41

I have 2 DC, DD1 is 17 and DD2 is 15.
We don’t have any family support, we live in a small 2 bedroom house so they are still sharing a room, and tbh I feel like I always feel as though I’m just not doing enough for them. DD1 does have a part time job but it’s one day a week and she’s not making loads.

Anyway their dad had promised he’d contribute £200 per child to the Christmas budget; luckily they don’t need any big items like phones or laptops this year so I have budgeted £100 per child, on top of that. Well today their dad messaged saying he can no longer give anything.

DD1 has asked for a full size digital piano with semi weighted keys and a sustain pedal as she has been teaching herself and the keyboard they have right now is awful. I’ve looked on Amazon and they do seem to have some for £100-£120 but that would be either the entire budget or over budget. She’s also asked for some books which I think I’ll be able to get second hand, a skateboard and some beauty stuff that comes to about £50 total, so would have been fine on £300 but not fine on £100.
DD2 has asked for a vinyl record player, a Polaroid camera, some beauty stuff and a new pair of trainers (which alone quite expensive).

I feel really crappy and totally disengaged from Christmas now. Their dad doesn’t live locally and basically never sees them, so Christmas is all on me. I think for teens their lists were quite reasonable and now knowing I’ll hardly be able to get them anything has just upset me so much.

AIBU to feel like this?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
SandwichShort · 09/12/2025 23:46

ohnotthisagain2020 · 09/12/2025 23:44

Ignore Ebenezer Scrooge and his malevolent cheerleaders OP.

Do tell your kids the truth, and I am very sorry this has happened, sorry their father has chosen to do this to his children.

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and hoping you manage to get the fair and reasonable gifts your teens have asked for.

And at least they have a loving, caring mum, which is worth more than gold.

Love this post ❤

Pussygaloregalapagos · 09/12/2025 23:47

I think £100 per child is very generous. We are very comfortably off. I would say I spend about £50 on stocking ( mostly toiletries, chocolate and undies) the stockings are small and then get them one other thing.

your ex should be buying then gifts himself really.

Get big item like piano after Xmas in the sales.

Catsbooks345 · 09/12/2025 23:54

Id maybe suggest they pick one or two things up to around 100 each and then get the rest in sales in Jan. That could be a nice way to do it if they enjoy shopping. At that age it doesn't all have to be on Christmas day. X

SandwichShort · 09/12/2025 23:55

I read more of the comments...honestly, I do not agree with them all. I know Christmas is important to children but honestly, you being their mum is enough. My mum didn't have a pot to poss in for 16th birthday...and she pit £10 on my birthday card. You know what I remembered...she forgot to make yourkshite puddings for my birthday! Its not the money for children, it really is the effort (i still feel annoyed at over 40 years old she forgot that 🤣) most importantly I knew that was the best thing my mum could do...but she was so stressed about money....she missed the thing I would have loved the most.

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 09/12/2025 23:58

Mumsnet is always such a race to the bottom. £100 is not a lot of money and just because some people will have less to play with doesn’t mean op can’t have a moan at their dad being a massive let down.

speak to them. Don’t get in to debt. Try extra hard to get a bit extra for their birthdays if you can afford it by then

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 09/12/2025 23:59

Since when do kids get everything they’ve asked for?

gobbledoops · 10/12/2025 00:07

100 per child is a really good budget. There is nothing to feel bad about. I would think that the majority of people are spending less than that per kid. I am!

You could buy the books/small present and then give the rest as money into their bank account so that they can save some pocket money and buy the expensive item themselves later in the year.

Kisskiss · 10/12/2025 00:15

100 per child is still a big budget, someone upthrwad suggested credit card, please don’t bung things like this on a credit card the rates are crazy. If they are old enough, explain to them, to be honest Xmas has turned into some crazy commercial thing if 100 per child is a disappointment

Kisskiss · 10/12/2025 00:17

Bridesmaidorexfriend · 09/12/2025 23:58

Mumsnet is always such a race to the bottom. £100 is not a lot of money and just because some people will have less to play with doesn’t mean op can’t have a moan at their dad being a massive let down.

speak to them. Don’t get in to debt. Try extra hard to get a bit extra for their birthdays if you can afford it by then

It’s not unreasonable to point out that 100 is a lot and that even if you had millions it’s not a bad idea to teach your kids to value things other than materialistic goods… not saying give them a lump of coal, but do what you can afford ( and again, 100 is a lot)

deadbobaplace · 10/12/2025 00:24

'Dear Shit Ex,
Are you going to explain to the kids that you drank their Xmas present budget this year, or do I have to do it like I have to do every other fucking thing?
No love,
ClypoClimb'

They're old enough to be told the truth: they can't have everything they want this year because their dad is shit.

I'm sure they're already aware of this so hopefully it won't be too much of a shock.

beautifuldaytosavelives · 10/12/2025 00:29

I think it’s a shame that their dad has opted out, and the only thing to do is be honest. But to those saying £100 is more than generous…a can of deodorant is knocking on for £4 now, so while you’ve got what you’ve got, and Christmas is about more than presents, £100 does only take you so far when shopping for teen girls.

CharlieChaplin99 · 10/12/2025 00:32

TBF your children sound a bit grabby and entitled. £100 is more than enough to spend on Christmas presents the world has gone mad. Our children got second hand laptops mid secondary school age and only then because it was lockdown.

Have a chat to them both discuss budget and what they most want. Will the child who really wants a piano accept a second hand one is it not a priority or is she happy to contribute etc.

Don’t feel bad OP. Christmas gift giving and keeping up with the Joneses has got totally out of hand.

irie · 10/12/2025 00:38

Can you sell anything on vinted or eBay or marketplace? I made £100 last couple weeks selling bits x

JFDIYOLO · 10/12/2025 00:41

The huge amounts and piles of presents that some families seem locked into feels unbelievable sometimes.

They're old enough for a family conference. Sit down together and explain their father has decided not to give them anything this year, and has chosen not to explain why. They will almost certainly know what he is by now.

Explain that you have saved £100 for each of them - and give it to them. Let them plan with you and each other how they'll budget and spend the money. Helping and teaching and guiding them to do this is building a skill they will always value, and one which it seems their feckless dad lacks.

Whatever his reasons - maybe the business has tanked, the taxman has caught up with him, he has a new relationship and there's extra responsibilities looming - let them know that you are the parent who stayed, who provides, who's dependable.

Happy Christmas to all three of you.

Enrichetta · 10/12/2025 00:51

DuchessDandelion · 09/12/2025 23:29

Am I really in the minority thinking £100 per child is more than enough?

I hope you are not.

Some responses here make me think “give your head a wobble “…

Clonakilla · 10/12/2025 00:52

Pineapplewaves · 09/12/2025 20:01

Tell them that the budget is £100.00 and they need to decide which items in their list they want the most and they won’t be getting everything they’ve asked for. Be honest and say there will be less money than you thought because their Dad is no longer contributing.

£100.00 is more than many children will be getting spent on them and they need to learn that they cannot have everything they want.

This is just so needlessly unpleasant. At what point has the OP suggested her children are spoilt, ungrateful or entitled? They live with a single parent, I think it very unlikely they don’t already know you don’t always get everything you want.

They asked for a few things well within the expected budget. It’s entirely normal for children, even older children, to feel a little disappointed if that budget is more than halved.

It’s very interesting to me how many incredibly mean-spirited people are posting about the true meaning of Christmas etc. I can only suggest they start living their words.

Enrichetta · 10/12/2025 00:57

I admit I’m ancient. Some of my most treasured Christmas memories include…
Making Christmas tree ornaments
Baking Christmas cookies
Decorating the gingerbread house I baked and constructed every year
Going to the Children’s Christmas service at our local church

Tryingatleast · 10/12/2025 00:58

Op I disagree with the ‘your kids are old enough to be told’ thing- as parents we know what the world is- all the kids need is ‘Wohoo Christmas!’If the piano is the full budget then that’s the golden present, for dd2 the runners can be taken out and you can figure out possibly getting them later in the year for example. You say their friends will be getting all this amazing stuff- maybe they will and possibly they’ll be so used to getting stuff they won’t care. As people on mn say Christmas is things like board games tv and sweets. Get into the Christmas spirit and don’t apologise for what you’re doing/ have done and ye will have a lovely Christmas. Even if your kids notice/ care, it’ll be forgotten in all the madness and excitement. Hugs x

Onlinebutoffline · 10/12/2025 01:02

We don't spend that much on ours, so I think you're putting the pressure on yourself. Max we've ever spent per child is £200, including stocking fillers, etc. Last year was £145-150. This year will be approx £140 each.

I think people often spend way too much on their kids nowadays.
Explain to the dc that things have changed, ask them to prioritise their items in order of most wanted 1st, and instead, make some memories that don't cost much, eg, movie nights, baking together, board games, etc.

Ilovecakey · 10/12/2025 01:13

I haven't read the full thread im only on page 2 so it may have already been mentioned but you could use Klarna, it has options to either pay in 3 or pay in full im 30 days so that way you might be able to spend a bit extra if you spread the cost and theres no interest either.

YourOnMute · 10/12/2025 01:17

I understand completely OP. I too am in a situation where it's just me providing Christmas as their father has completely abandoned them. They haven’t received so much as a text message from him in years (in fact he blocked us on everything). I try to do as much as I can at Christmas as the gifts I give them are literally the only things they will get, aside from small presents from their own friends. My family don't really do presents and obviously ex's don't do anything. So I do really get you.
I also feel quite angry at your ex for pulling this stunt in December. Why can't he buy one of their presents themselves? Can he not even give £20 each to his children? Must be great to be the parent who gets to say he just doesn't have it. Even if he told you a few months back you could have planned a bit. I can only imagine that you were planning to get these things well within budget and that has changed.
Also your lists do not sound greedy to me and certainly not for teenagers! Really they're just looking for one substantial gift each - not sure how that is entitled.
I think you should explain what has happened to your children and ask them to prioritise accordingly. Could you post on local selling pages to see if someone had a keyboard? Vinted might be a good option for some trainers. After Christmas sales for makeup and books?
I'm sorry this has happened and there is nothing wrong in wanting to "spoil" your kids a little, especially when it's not easy to do so throughout the year.

Catladywithoutacat · 10/12/2025 01:20

Second hand wrapped up as something new? As long as it works shouldn’t be an issue and don’t feel bad so many people in the same position

MidnightMeltdown · 10/12/2025 02:05

£300 per child is pretty excessive. £100 is fine, just pick a few things from the lists. They don’t need to get everything that they’ve asked for. When I was a teenager, I had a part-time job and bought the things that I wanted. I would never have asked my parents for stuff because I knew that money was tight, let alone give them a list like that. It sounds like you haven’t been open with them about how tight things are.

Although your DD is only working one day, presumably she’s living at home and has no expenses, so it’s all just spending money. I felt quite well off on my part-time job as a teen.

I understand that it’s not the budget you expected, but it’s not exactly a Christmas in poverty either. Some children get nothing.

Alfgingeorgie · 10/12/2025 02:10

I’d try and find a good weighted keyboard second hand. You might find better quality second hand than buying new.

Does your DD1 work? Mine didn’t but I think it’s a good thing if they can get a Saturday job then they can buy their own make up and save up for trainers which takes the pressure off you. Not easy being a single parent when the dad doesn’t do his bit.

Ladybyrd · 10/12/2025 02:17

I think you’re going to have to sit down with them and explain what’s happened and they now need to rethink what they would like. I would not be pleased with their father. It’s one thing not to be able to afford £400, but it’s quite another to give them nothing for Christmas at all.