£100 Christmas budget per teen, I feel awful

[ClypoClimb]

I have 2 DC, DD1 is 17 and DD2 is 15.
We don’t have any family support, we live in a small 2 bedroom house so they are still sharing a room, and tbh I feel like I always feel as though I’m just not doing enough for them. DD1 does have a part time job but it’s one day a week and she’s not making loads.

Anyway their dad had promised he’d contribute £200 per child to the Christmas budget; luckily they don’t need any big items like phones or laptops this year so I have budgeted £100 per child, on top of that. Well today their dad messaged saying he can no longer give anything.

DD1 has asked for a full size digital piano with semi weighted keys and a sustain pedal as she has been teaching herself and the keyboard they have right now is awful. I’ve looked on Amazon and they do seem to have some for £100-£120 but that would be either the entire budget or over budget. She’s also asked for some books which I think I’ll be able to get second hand, a skateboard and some beauty stuff that comes to about £50 total, so would have been fine on £300 but not fine on £100.
DD2 has asked for a vinyl record player, a Polaroid camera, some beauty stuff and a new pair of trainers (which alone quite expensive).

I feel really crappy and totally disengaged from Christmas now. Their dad doesn’t live locally and basically never sees them, so Christmas is all on me. I think for teens their lists were quite reasonable and now knowing I’ll hardly be able to get them anything has just upset me so much.

AIBU to feel like this?

Oh no that’s such a let down! I would ask the kids to choose one thing on their list and try to get them that. £100 per child isn’t bad at all. Don’t beat yourself up, you’re doing your best.

Agree, but she should definitely tell her children the truth about what he has done. In future, I would rely on him for nothing at all and involve him in nothing at all.

Ok. And you sound like someone who is very angry at the world and searching for someone to take it out on.

From my personal experience growing up 100 was a lot of money I know times have changed but additionally your children are in their late teens. They maybe happier just to receive the money and they can then budget from that what they really want or save towards a larger item. They're not tiny kids who necessarily need gifts to open and fuss over.

Thats just my opinion besides Christmas is about family and there's no point going beyond your means if you do not have it. I grew up in single parent family and I just knew we didn't have it that way so id ask for one gift or give some idea what I wanted but was happy to get anything. I was the poorest out of my friendship group it made me resilient if anything

January is like 6 months in one so take it easy on yourself.

Can you ket him know thaf you will tell the children he is buying his own gifts for them this year?

Really? In this day and age, for teenagers? Do you buy your children throughout the year? OP’s children don’t have any gifts whatsoever outside of Christmas. Telling someone to “work harder to find something in budget” is a fucking dick move.

Lot of people on here subscribing to the “well in my day we had an orange in the stocking and sang around the ol’ Joanna and that was alright by us!” mindset, completely forgetting how utterly miserable it can be to be poor (if they ever knew).

As for posters saying they’d not be happy if their charity was given to OP and her children, are we going back to Victorian standards of the deserving poor? Only ones we deem acceptable can access the stuff we donate.

Merry Christmas innit.

We have never ever budgeted more than£100 for DCs Christmas presents- they are early 20s now.
Thats with 2 professional incomes coming in.

Yep, it's definitely NOT a lot of money for a teenager's Christmas. Honestly, my heart goes out to OP.

Am I really in the minority thinking £100 per child is more than enough?

Tell them your budget and give them the choice to hunt down the things they want.
They can decide if they want to spend it all on one thing they really want or spread it out to have more items.

My 15 year old picks his own presents because he's old enough to have very specific tastes.
I'd never have guessed the exact items he picked himself and he's really looking forward to getting things he really wants.

Yes.

I didn't say anything about working harder . Dont put words in my mouth. For all I know op may work incredibly hard already, that's simply not what this thread is about.

My kids aren't fussed by having endless piles of stuff. Gifts are just a small part of Christmas

I wouldn't say £100 each is Victorian or miserly

I have had nothing. I have been "skipping meals" poor. £100 a child isn't nothing.

It might be nice to be able spend more but it's enough to buy some nice gifts.

So is he contributing anything ?

I would be honest with them and say that dad isn’t contributing as usual so all you have is £100 /smaller budget and what would they like most of all

wouid they wait a day or two and wait for the sales where many things be half price so get more for their money

I agree with you. If our dcs wanted something more expensive then relatives would put their budgets together and they got fewer presents, but of a higher value

I have no / few money worries and consider £150 a generous Christmas budget per young adult child. I wouldn't by buying eg a record player AND expensive trainers. One or the other

Nobody you are currently replying to said endless piles of stuff. Nobody said $100 is nothing.

Nobody said "work harder" you misquoted "work harder to find something in budget" (but you already know that).

Stop putting words in other people's mouths.

I was quoting a previous poster, who absolutely did use those words. It’s not about having endless piles of stuff, it’s about having the means to provide something. How much do you spend on your children?

About £100 each.
That feels like plenty.

Right, sales are the way to go, for sure. I'd sit them down, tell them the truth and ask them to wait a week or two.

And how old are your children?

Op I've not read many of the other comments.
But what a shit situation your childrens father has left you in. It's all too common they shouldn't get away with it. Sit them down and tell them what he has done and explain your budget. They are both old enough to understand. Work on your budget don't get into debt for Christmas.
There may be some charities or community groups near by that could provide a few gifts each for them to help out abit.
Maybe going forward set up a credit union account or something similar to save for birthday and Christmas. That's what I do and it's the only reason I afford gifts for my DCs. Their father is unreliable and only give me something towards says before so I have to buy it all in and hope for the best.
Hope you all have a fantastic Christmas despite the let down

Ignore Ebenezer Scrooge and his malevolent cheerleaders OP.

Do tell your kids the truth, and I am very sorry this has happened, sorry their father has chosen to do this to his children.

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and hoping you manage to get the fair and reasonable gifts your teens have asked for.

And at least they have a loving, caring mum, which is worth more than gold.

He hasn't let you down. He has let his children down. That is not your responsibility. He can tell your children he cannot buy them anything for Christmas. You can then rephrase xmas to your children. This is how much I can afford...what would you like most, within this budget?