£100 Christmas budget per teen, I feel awful

[ClypoClimb]

I have 2 DC, DD1 is 17 and DD2 is 15.
We don’t have any family support, we live in a small 2 bedroom house so they are still sharing a room, and tbh I feel like I always feel as though I’m just not doing enough for them. DD1 does have a part time job but it’s one day a week and she’s not making loads.

Anyway their dad had promised he’d contribute £200 per child to the Christmas budget; luckily they don’t need any big items like phones or laptops this year so I have budgeted £100 per child, on top of that. Well today their dad messaged saying he can no longer give anything.

DD1 has asked for a full size digital piano with semi weighted keys and a sustain pedal as she has been teaching herself and the keyboard they have right now is awful. I’ve looked on Amazon and they do seem to have some for £100-£120 but that would be either the entire budget or over budget. She’s also asked for some books which I think I’ll be able to get second hand, a skateboard and some beauty stuff that comes to about £50 total, so would have been fine on £300 but not fine on £100.
DD2 has asked for a vinyl record player, a Polaroid camera, some beauty stuff and a new pair of trainers (which alone quite expensive).

I feel really crappy and totally disengaged from Christmas now. Their dad doesn’t live locally and basically never sees them, so Christmas is all on me. I think for teens their lists were quite reasonable and now knowing I’ll hardly be able to get them anything has just upset me so much.

AIBU to feel like this?

Oh and I wouldn’t go getting into debt over it. Sometimes we have to lower our expectations and that’s ok.

This is the best piano I’ve found for your budget: eBay also offer pay in 3 https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/226067737358

Try and pick up the record player, books and Polaroid on Vinted

as for the trainers - is there any chance you could get them on a website that allows you to pay in 3?

Christmas is not about lots of expensive gifts. It's not supposed to be.

If all that you can budget is £100 per kid then that's it. If you are putting a roof over their head and food on the table and that's really as far as you can stretch it without going into debt, okay.

17 and a 15-year-old are old enough that they don't believe in Santa Claus, they know how it works. I know it will seem awfully anti-Christmas not to have a surprises under the tree but how about giving the girls the money and say let's go out together and shop for what you like, I'll wrap it up and put it under the tree for Christmas. That way they can budget how much they want to spend. So for instance if the second daughter wants A record player and beauty stuff and a expensive trainers and a Polaroid... You say this is the money, decide what you want to buy. Or where you want to buy it from. Give her the opportunity to look through flyers or online specials, you probably don't have the time, if she really really wants these things and she knows exactly how much money is in hand, that gives her the chance to be a savvy shopper.

It sucks but we all have limits, they're not so young that they can't learn how to shop within a budget. You don't have to feel bad about this. Don't forget, it was only a couple of generations ago if that where kids got a piece of candy, a satsuma, some new stockings for Christmas, and not much more. More has become the name of the game it's all about more more more and more. That's why I am turning away from modern Christmas, is just getting out of hand.

Yes, this.

Poor OP, treated badly by her ex, worried about her kids' Christmas, trying hard as a single mum, and then scolded and lectured by several Ebenezer Scrooges.

I wish her and her teenagers a lot of love and luck, and hope things turn around financially for her very soon.

At their ages I would tell them the truth, dad’s not contributing anything towards your presents so I have got £100 to spend on each of you, so if you can tell what item you’d like the most. You have nothing to feel bad about.

you dont have to buy everything on the list

i dont think it is an voteable question
£100 is plenty

No you’re not. It’s absolutely plenty. It’s what I spend. Always manage to get some nice gifts for mine.

This is a normal spend per child in my world. It is only on MN that I see people spending ££££ and buying great mountains of presents and Christmas Eve boxes etc.

They have no wider family so this is all the kids will get

Does your town have any Facebook acts of kindness or giving pages? If so, get on there and ask if anyone is giving away any of the things you want. You might be surprised by how generous people are.

At 17 and 15 they are definitely old enough to be sat down and explained the situation to them. I think it’s all you can do to lower their expectations. I’m sure they will be grateful for whatever they receive

I’m fond of freecycle type sites and that’s fine but please don’t look for resources designed for low income families if you have £100 per child at Christmas.

It's not Scrooge like to spend £100 a head. It's just sensible. If you think the message of a Christmas Carol is that we should all spunk money we don't have on stuff we don't need them you really ought to actually read the book

Our kids will be the adults left dealing with the environmental implications of mindless consumerism.

So true.

Get what you can. Even small kids know you don't get everything from the list. Talk to your teens say Christmas is tight this year. Ask your daughter if. She wants the piano or the other stuff. You can prob afford the piano and the books ( try abe books or wob). Try vinted for the trainers.

Haven’t read the whole thread yet so not sure if this has already been pointed out.

Do not buy a second hand or vintage Polaroid! The modern day Polaroid film that you can buy now is not comparable with old Polaroid cameras. The one in that vinted listing you cannot buy film for anymore. The way that modern day Polaroid film works is different after a different company took over and revived the Polaroid brand. If buying one secondhand you need to check when it was made and if takes itype film.

makes no difference
they need to learn the value and not expect a pot of gold

This sounds difficult, I'm sorry. If he can't do 200.per daughter can he do 100 each? Emphasise to him thay this is a big deal.

This has to be a personal decision based on affordability longer term, but in that situation I would use PayPal credit to do the 4 months interest free for the bigger 2 items and pay in 3 for the others.

What’s his excuse? That’s disgusting behaviour from him. However, don’t beat yourself up, you’re giving your girls £100 more than he is. Don’t make any apologies for him, just enjoy the day with your girls. They’ll be happy with whatever you get them and knowing you love them.

I’d suggest you be honest with your girls and emphasise that Christmas can still be special with you all spending time together and enjoying each others company.
Regarding the keyboard, I got a really good ( Roland) electronic piano for my dd, secondhand from gumtree. It was fairly local so we went to see it, she played it to check it out and it’s been amazing.

You could suggest looking for a second hand one with her after Xmas, to spread the cost. Get her involved in looking for one as she will know what’s best for her needs.There may be more after Xmas as people will be selling unwanted or older items.

https://anydaydirect.com/products/glarry-gpp-101-88-key-full-size-semi-weighted-standard-electric-digital-piano-black?variant=45590068002969&country=GB&currency=GBP&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22587023673&gbraid=0AAAAAo6fhxQ_IMVQUV1YOGz9INb6616yx&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI4YGyrsqykQMVTYBQBh2KiQ0kEAQYBCABEgJkWvD_BwE

www.argos.co.uk/product/3421545?utm_custom6=LIA&deeplink=true&gclsrc=aw.ds&&cmpid=GS001&_$ja=tsid:59157|acid:416-707-6621|cid:20248059078|agid:|tid:|crid:|nw:x|rnd:4593180892173476487|dvc:c|adp:|mt:|loc:9044961&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=20248059078&utm_term=3421545&utm_content=shopping&utm_custom1=&utm_custom2=416-707-6621&GPDP=true&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=19663905000&gbraid=0AAAAAD9II9nHN7qYDI_7kr1rdvX5slORg&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5Mup2cqykQMVwZJQBh02-wHGEAQYAyABEgIyrPD_BwE

For the polaroid & Vinyl player, try Vinted, there are a lot on there

Haven't rtft but if ex isn't giving £200 each, can you negotiate for any amount at all?

My no.1 advice, though, is do not get into debt for the sake of buying gifts for Christmas. When the dc were young (~10 years ago) we really struggled, and had £200 saved for all our Christmas/new year spending including food, gifts, trips, etc.
I got the dc 1 large gift, 1 medium and 1 small, plus a stocking each. The 3 main gifts were bought at charity shops and the stocking filters were from the pound shop. Both dc were sorted out for around £40-50, so £20-25 each. I bought the turkey reduced on Christmas eve, and we made lots of memories together that didn't cost the earth, eg, movie night with fancy hot choc and marshmallows, walks, board games, etc.