£100 Christmas budget per teen, I feel awful

[ClypoClimb]

I have 2 DC, DD1 is 17 and DD2 is 15.
We don’t have any family support, we live in a small 2 bedroom house so they are still sharing a room, and tbh I feel like I always feel as though I’m just not doing enough for them. DD1 does have a part time job but it’s one day a week and she’s not making loads.

Anyway their dad had promised he’d contribute £200 per child to the Christmas budget; luckily they don’t need any big items like phones or laptops this year so I have budgeted £100 per child, on top of that. Well today their dad messaged saying he can no longer give anything.

DD1 has asked for a full size digital piano with semi weighted keys and a sustain pedal as she has been teaching herself and the keyboard they have right now is awful. I’ve looked on Amazon and they do seem to have some for £100-£120 but that would be either the entire budget or over budget. She’s also asked for some books which I think I’ll be able to get second hand, a skateboard and some beauty stuff that comes to about £50 total, so would have been fine on £300 but not fine on £100.
DD2 has asked for a vinyl record player, a Polaroid camera, some beauty stuff and a new pair of trainers (which alone quite expensive).

I feel really crappy and totally disengaged from Christmas now. Their dad doesn’t live locally and basically never sees them, so Christmas is all on me. I think for teens their lists were quite reasonable and now knowing I’ll hardly be able to get them anything has just upset me so much.

AIBU to feel like this?

Just be honest, they are old enough to understand, get them what you can afford and tell their Dad how he has not helped their Christmas

Only £100 per child, heavens forbid!

I’m not sure why there’s a handful of posters insisting this is poverty or ‘Victorian’ and then jumping on anyone who says it isn’t. I don’t think these people can have experienced poverty recently, because this isn’t it. I guess some people are just out of touch but it’s weird to see it!
Anyway, OP. You’ve had lots of excellent advice so I don’t think I can add anything. But I did just want to chime in and say what an ass their dad is to let you down so close to Christmas. That’s completely awful of him. I agree, explain situation to your daughters and find out what they’d like to happen with their £100 budget.

I've spent £80 each on my 6 and 3 year old but we have family buying presents too. Bracing myself on the expensive teenager years!

Definitely call up some music stores and even music teachers ,- look up some local piano teachers they might have something or know a student selling - I'm a guitar teacher and it's the kind of thing people would ask me.

Otherwise get your child a piano accessory and explain that you'll have to save up for the keyboard - maybe giving a date for that. I really hope you find something second hand because there are so many second hand instruments out there.

I hate all the financial pressure at Christmas. It's a lot isn't it? Maybe in the future we'll all decide a £100 limit.

Thank you for everyone who was kind, and I do appreciate where the “£100 is plenty” comes from and I agree in normal circumstances it is plenty.

However my children have no other relatives to buy for them, they do not get any gifts or expensive items unless it is their birthday or Christmas (so no beauty items, no books, no extra shoes or clothes past what the absolutely need). I think it’s quite rare for teens to only get £100 worth of non essential items bought for them. My children don’t expect the entire list to be bought for them, but they do also plan the list with the knowledge of the budget (which was £300) at the time and knowing its the only non-essential items they will get until June/August.
I also think it’s pretty rare to be in a situation where there are no wider family buying gifts. I budget all year to save the £100 each and I know my children will understand but be disappointed that they aren’t getting their full budget.

I put YABU because no parent needs to put this level of pressure on themselves. Many of those items listed can be bought after Christmas with money from relatives.

Stop being hard on yourself ❤️

Sorry OP just read your update.

Lay it to them straight. All of my DC (18, 15, 10 and 8) have been told we can't afford much this Christmas. We never get into debt for one day. Be honest with your teens, OP.

I am just matter of fact about the issue.

I know it’s far from ideal but would you not put the extra bits to the big gifts on a credit card and pay off early next year, that’s exactly what I’m doing as my first Christmas as a single parent. I can’t afford much and want them to have a few smaller bits for my kids to open, so I’m stretching my finances to do so! I’m fairly strict with repayments so Im happy to do so. Just a thought x

I’ve no advice other than what you have already received. Just wanted to say that it is disgusting how some fathers find it so easy to prioritise themselves and leave all the worry and expense of raising their children to someone else ( I have one of those exes too). Be honest with your DC, they will appreciate everything you are doing and will know who is there for them.

I’m sorry this has happened to you just before Christmas. Could you afford to pay for items over a few months? If so Klarna or Zilch could be worth trying. That’s how I purchase some of my larger Christmas gifts then they take a monthly instalment over 3 months. Only do what you can afford though if you do use them. I have found them good for birthdays too so you have smaller payments over a 3 month period.

I agree with some PPs about a few things.

Try to get things second hand where you can.
Be honest with your DDs - they are not young teens so should have some awareness of life and finances to some appropriate degree.
Could you get them a few of the lower cost things and then give them both £50 towards the larger items they have asked for?
Perhaps come up with a savings plan for them and for you to add to each month to their pots until there is enough money to buy what they want.
I agree it's really hard as there is no one else to buy for them but it is sadly the reality for you and many others this year and every year I would imagine.
I hope you find a solution that you are happy with.

Why does their dad think getting them anything for Christmas is optional? It's one thing if he can't stretch to £200 but this reads that he doesn't plan on getting them anything at all? That said you can only do what you can, I'm sure your girls would rather you enjoy Christmas with them than stretching yourself too far. Have a look on places like vinted there's loads of bargains on there, um sure uou wokld find what they are asking for on there cheap. But at their age 1 bigger present each is absolutely fine.

Their Dad has let them down- NOT you

Let us help.
I've just ordered my son some brand new Nike trainers from vinted. Perfect condition-£32 Inc postage.
I love searching for things online.
Post a list of the sort of things they would like and let us try and find bargains for you.
The piano might be a tricky one but if you're happy to pay over a few months via Klarna that might help

I understand exactly what you mean OP and also, the people saying "oh £100 is loads!" are probably buying for much younger children. Once they get into teens, absolutely NOTHING is cheap. So whereas with a child you can get them lots of "little" things to make it look like more, it's not the same with teenagers. Last year DSD wanted AirPods and we had to explain that they were around £200 so she couldn't really have anything else. She was more than happy with them but you feel awful handing over this tiny little box and nothing else 😂

I bought a very good brand keyboard second hand for £40 worth £130 from ebay. Camera, record player and skateboard can be bought second hand too. Also, they don’t need to get everything they have asked for

Reducing the budget so late in the day when they knew about the budget is awful. I think I’d tell them the truth now and either they just get tone good gift or you see what you can get second hand first? And give them some options.

It’s not your fault.

This is a really good idea.

Hundred quid is fine for xmas - stop stressing.

Would your ex agree to give you the money in instalments instead? You can then put the presents on a credit card and pay it off over a couple of months?

gear4music do great deals on pianos, they all sell almost brand new and may do finance.

Best of luck op, I'm sinking myself.

Jesus! £100 is more than enough! I think I am spending £40 on each of my kids... £20 on DP so TOTAL presents £100.

You might want to explain to your kids that things don't actually make people happy.

Please don't feel awful. I completely understand why you are feeling this way. Sadly £100 doesn't go far does it. Look at Very, Frasers and Klarna for interest free Buy Now Pay Later options to see you through. Then maybe try saving monthly for next Christmas. It's rubbish your ex has let you and your girls down. Best wishes, you've got this!

Tell them, they aren't babies they will know things are tight

Look for freebies - our local town has a charity book shop where you can get 3 free books everytime you vist - pay nothing, might be something similar near you.

Shop on vinted/fb market place - you can get very good things for not much.

Ask in your local buy nothing group for "stocking stuffers" like scrunchies or lip balm

I actually think £100 per kid is a pretty healthy budget, you could always skim from the food shop if you want to stretch it - e.g don't buy coffee or tea bags this week and you should be able to get a selection box for them each.

I think you just have to tell them the truth - you thought you would have more money but their dad has let you down.