Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have weird feelings about friend's silence re. sudden wealth

332 replies

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 09/12/2025 18:04

So, I have a wonderful friend who I love very much.

Long story short, she and her husband had a crappy rental when we met and now they're on their third absolute palace of a house. I only found out about her change of circumstance when I went to her first amazing house. She said nothing at all, just gave me the new address. I was stunned when I saw it, and happy for them. Assumed they had just been saving hard for years. He's a GP and she's an eternal student - she's very clever, was working on a physics fellowship at Oxford when we met. Since then she's been doing a long PhD part time, which obviously doesn't pay but is important. They got married and had kids a few years ago.

Anyway, nothing was said about the amazing new house and what a huge upgrade it was from their previous rental. We (me and the other lovely friend in our trio) were simply invited over and nothing was said.

Then they got a second incredible new house, and kept the old one to rent out.

Then they moved across country and I haven't seen her for a while, due to me looking after my terminally ill dad.

She's just sent me a video of her sons dancing around, and their third house since their new circs looks more majestic than ever.

I do realise that it's her and her husband's business. This is why I have never asked her about it, and never would. She clearly doesn't want to say anything, or she would have. His grandparents died not too long before they got their first mansion, so I suppose they must have come into a ton of family money. Or won the lottery! But I remember their rental, and it's just SO WEIRD that she keeps pulling amazing house after amazing house out of her sleeve and has never said a word about their very-changed circumstances.

I don't know why, but it just makes me feel a bit odd, the way that things have changed so much for her and yet we are supposed to just studiously ignore it!

AIBU?

OP posts:
YeezyBreezy · 09/12/2025 18:10

Why would she discuss her and her husband’s personal finances with you? Do you discuss yours in detail with her?

Why do you think she owes you an explanation? Also, is it possible she would feel awkward making a “thing” of it if she’s considerably better off than you and your other friend?

To be honest, you sound very jealous. Why can’t you just be happy for her that her life is going well and improved over the years? Is it because you feel she’s not “earned” it?

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 09/12/2025 18:13

Could you just ask her something along the lines of "Where did you get all your money from?" or just ask how much money she has?

parietal · 09/12/2025 18:13

It is very likely to be an inheritance. And that is typically something people won’t discuss because the loss of a grandparent is sad and with windfall of money can feel random and odd.

just let her be and stay friends without discussing money

JacquesHarlow · 09/12/2025 18:14

This is why as a British person I hate living here and have much preferred living abroad, where in New York people are far less interested in how you've become wealthy, and far more interested in celebrating you or just hanging out. Same in Hong Kong when i lived there, (yes outing).

In Britain, everyone who gets wealthy is viewed with suspicion as if they ripped someone off. In Britain people will wait to commiserate with you in the hope you fail to make them feel good. I can't stand it.

YABU @NewNameforThisPost2025

ViviPru · 09/12/2025 18:14

I agree OP. It’s none of your business as you’ve acknowledged but close friends who are blatantly sitting on a big piece of information but act like it’s nothing get on my nerves too although I’d never do/say anything about it! I’m also quite open about my financial situation to close friends and appreciate when others reciprocate but recognise that’s not for everyone

Bringemout · 09/12/2025 18:15

Honestly I think people tend to have bad experiences when they come i to money they haven’t “earned” people expect them to share it. I’m not saying thats you OP but if I won a million I wouldn’t say a single word about it to anyone.

HollyhockDays · 09/12/2025 18:16

GPs are pretty well paid. Have you never said “wow love the house” to see what she says. To be fair most people start in a “crappy rental” and move up.

couldthisbethenewname · 09/12/2025 18:19

I’d find it odd but then people (in this country) are super weird about money. ESPECIALLY unearned money.

Like i’m really open with everyone about everything but if I won the lottery I’d lie and just say I’d saved up. Dunno why. Would be weird to talk about it.

Whatisrichandhaveiearnedit · 09/12/2025 18:21

We made a leap from a small flat (mortgaged not rented) to a big house - spent years in the flat saving for the deposit for the house. It wasn’t a case of climbing up the property ladder a rung at a time but skipping several rungs. Only one house, mind.

feellikeanalien · 09/12/2025 18:23

Maybe she won the lottery. I wouldn't tell anyone if I did except for close family and maybe one close friend.

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 09/12/2025 18:23

So it seems pretty obvious it was an inheritance, don't know why you're acting like it's something weird...

Maybe she just doesn't want to look like a brag so she's just... getting on with life

You sound quite nosey

WindsurfingDreams · 09/12/2025 18:25

I lived in a "crappy rental" for ages then bought a big house.
I don't get why people made assumptions about my wealth based on the rental. It didn't make sense to pay more in rent than I absolutely had to. And I didn't want to buy until I knew where I wanted to live

I still drive a crappy car and I am sure people think that's all I can afford. But I just don't like spending money on cars.

It's your error as much for making assumptions based on the property she rented.

But also- why not just ask her if you are so curious?

Hollowvoice · 09/12/2025 18:25

Why does she owe you an explanation on how they funded their house purchases?

LaurieFairyCake · 09/12/2025 18:26

I just wouldn’t think you were that close. If I had a friend like that I would happily ask because real close friends don’t have weird not-said things between them. I would probably say it jokingly as me and my friends have quite dark humour “who died and made you queen, fuck me this place is mahoosive” Grin

TheMorgenmuffel · 09/12/2025 18:29

You aren't supposed to ignore it. When you first go to someone's new home you're supposed to say how lovely it is.

ChristmasinBrighton · 09/12/2025 18:30

I’m going against the grain here. I am very close with my friends.

If they moved from a two bed rental to a big fancy house, with no reason cited, such as fabulous new job, sad inheritance etc, all of us, the rest of the group, would say “wow! Have you won the lottery or something!?”

Of course, if friend said “it’s personal” I wouldn’t ask again, but I would find it very odd. We do share pretty much everything though, and have done since we were children.

me24x · 09/12/2025 18:30

Am I the only weirdo who would straight up ask my FRIEND how on earth did you get this amazing house ??

tilypu · 09/12/2025 18:31

She sounds like a great person - they are clearly doing well, but they are just getting on with life without making a big deal about it.

me24x · 09/12/2025 18:31

ChristmasinBrighton · 09/12/2025 18:30

I’m going against the grain here. I am very close with my friends.

If they moved from a two bed rental to a big fancy house, with no reason cited, such as fabulous new job, sad inheritance etc, all of us, the rest of the group, would say “wow! Have you won the lottery or something!?”

Of course, if friend said “it’s personal” I wouldn’t ask again, but I would find it very odd. We do share pretty much everything though, and have done since we were children.

We think alike!

x12 · 09/12/2025 18:32

Personally I think it’s odd to not acknowledge it, that wouldn’t be the norm in my circumstances.

GPs do earn well, maybe he’s branched out into aesthetics? They probably come from fairly comfortable backgrounds and have received a chunky inheritance.

Original poster
NewNameforThisPost2025 · 09/12/2025 18:34

A GP's salary as the sole household income would never cover these kinds of houses - three of them. The houses alone are magnificent and worth millions.

I don't think I am jealous. I have a nice life myself and a job that I love. I really wouldn't swap. But more, it bothers me somehow that the sudden and obvious change is the elephant in the room that we are not supposed to address. The three of us are close, but this change was never/is never mentioned.

Imagine if you had a close friend who was in not-great housing and suddenly had three mansions, and you find out when she invites you over, and you are just supposed to not mention it. It's weird. I really don't think it's about the money, it's about the strangeness. When my last parent died, I inherited, and he was industrially injured and also got compensation well into six figures, so I got half of that too. His injury caused his fatal illness, and this illness is known for attracting high compensation. So that, together with the inheritance, means that everyone knows why I have no mortgage, although I never refer to it or talk about how much I have.

I almost feel like she tries to pull the wool over my eyes insofar as I am just not meant to refer to any of it. Like she wants me to be blind to it. It's so odd to just not mention a change in circs that is extremely obvious.

I have not asked her because she obviously doesn't want to talk about it and I think it would be pretty rude. Someone said it's not my business, and I know that, which is why I haven't asked. I said that in my OP.

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 09/12/2025 18:35

Remember the advert where a party guest says “What a lovely house, how did you afford it?!” and the room goes silent.

You don’t ask.

I wouldn’t tell people either, it’s nobody’s business. I think it’s safe to assume her DP’s family do well and they got a leg up. People usually feel jealous of that and make judgments on unearned money so it’s not something you rub in people’s faces if you have any sense.

x12 · 09/12/2025 18:35

if it’s millions then maybe it’s lotto & she wants to keep quiet, bit pointless though when you can see the spoils!

zeebra · 09/12/2025 18:36

I am honestly surprised that you would consider any of this to be your business. She is a friend of yours- the size of her house should have no relevance to you. How does it affect you in any way?

x12 · 09/12/2025 18:36

People usually feel jealous of that and make judgments on unearned money so it’s not something you rub in people’s faces if you have any sense.

Amongst my friend group we all know/discuss who had help on the ladder. Maybe it’s a generational thing.

Swipe left for the next trending thread