Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have weird feelings about friend's silence re. sudden wealth

332 replies

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 09/12/2025 18:04

So, I have a wonderful friend who I love very much.

Long story short, she and her husband had a crappy rental when we met and now they're on their third absolute palace of a house. I only found out about her change of circumstance when I went to her first amazing house. She said nothing at all, just gave me the new address. I was stunned when I saw it, and happy for them. Assumed they had just been saving hard for years. He's a GP and she's an eternal student - she's very clever, was working on a physics fellowship at Oxford when we met. Since then she's been doing a long PhD part time, which obviously doesn't pay but is important. They got married and had kids a few years ago.

Anyway, nothing was said about the amazing new house and what a huge upgrade it was from their previous rental. We (me and the other lovely friend in our trio) were simply invited over and nothing was said.

Then they got a second incredible new house, and kept the old one to rent out.

Then they moved across country and I haven't seen her for a while, due to me looking after my terminally ill dad.

She's just sent me a video of her sons dancing around, and their third house since their new circs looks more majestic than ever.

I do realise that it's her and her husband's business. This is why I have never asked her about it, and never would. She clearly doesn't want to say anything, or she would have. His grandparents died not too long before they got their first mansion, so I suppose they must have come into a ton of family money. Or won the lottery! But I remember their rental, and it's just SO WEIRD that she keeps pulling amazing house after amazing house out of her sleeve and has never said a word about their very-changed circumstances.

I don't know why, but it just makes me feel a bit odd, the way that things have changed so much for her and yet we are supposed to just studiously ignore it!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
NewNameforThisPost2025 · 09/12/2025 18:58

GasPanic · 09/12/2025 18:53

It's you that is creating all the guesswork, not them.

Some people just don't talk about such stuff and let's face it they don't owe anyone an explanation.

Maybe she doesn't want to talk about it because it is his money and feels it is not her place to talk about his business. Or maybe she feels slightly embarrassed about the whole thing.

Show quote history

But they are not trying to hide their money. Their houses are stunning and professionally designed. It was very sudden, too. I think I'm just experiencing a lot of dissonance between this and the silence from her about it.

I think she must simply be a bit embarrassed about it. It's the only reason I can think of.

OP posts:
LeafyLou · 09/12/2025 18:59

I would put it out of mind but it sounds as though it is an inheritance from the husband’s side. I don’t mind sharing with someone about me specifically but when it is something about my DH, I don’t share. He does the same. Maybe your friend doesn’t want to disclose her husband’s finances.

Original poster
NewNameforThisPost2025 · 09/12/2025 19:00

MaxandMeg · 09/12/2025 18:39

Really? My son in NY absolutely detests the constant talk of money and that people will ask straight out 'How much did you make last year?' Money -and your golf handicap- seem to be the only topics of conversation.

OP I can't see why you can't say 'What a lovely house' though. You don't need every last financial detail, but that might open a conversational pathway.

Show quote history

Oh yes, me and the other friend have admired the houses. She has never mentioned the obvious change in circs so I have followed her lead.

OP posts:
snugasabug75 · 09/12/2025 19:01

I'd feel weird too OP, and would definitely have to say something 'wow did you win the lottery?'

Original poster
NewNameforThisPost2025 · 09/12/2025 19:02

LeafyLou · 09/12/2025 18:59

I would put it out of mind but it sounds as though it is an inheritance from the husband’s side. I don’t mind sharing with someone about me specifically but when it is something about my DH, I don’t share. He does the same. Maybe your friend doesn’t want to disclose her husband’s finances.

The three mansions are a disclosure, though, aren't they!

A few people here have said they wouldn't tell anyone about a big inheritance...well, in reality, that only works if you're not going to change much about your life.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewNameforThisPost2025 · 09/12/2025 19:03

snugasabug75 · 09/12/2025 19:01

I'd feel weird too OP, and would definitely have to say something 'wow did you win the lottery?'

I think it's probably too late for that now. The first mansion happened quite some years ago and the third I just found out about this morning. I do know that they didn't have to sell their first two.

OP posts:
x12 · 09/12/2025 19:03

@NewNameforThisPost2025 how do you know they have kept the other 2 houses?

I agree with you re not discussing money is weird when your lifestyle has had a huge upgrade.

LarryUnderwood · 09/12/2025 19:04

The thing is OP, this part from your OP works both ways: She clearly doesn't want to say anything, or she would have

Equally - your friend might be thinking 'Newnameforthis2025 clearly doesnt want to know or she would have asked'. What you describe doesn't sound like secrecy so much as neither of you really talk about stuff in much detail. Like, you know her husband's family is from California but not much else - is that because she's been evasive or because you haven't asked or because she doesn't know herself?

PandorasBox7 · 09/12/2025 19:07

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 09/12/2025 19:03

I think it's probably too late for that now. The first mansion happened quite some years ago and the third I just found out about this morning. I do know that they didn't have to sell their first two.

Show quote history

Some friends of ours arrived at our house in a new Aston Martin. I commented “Have you robbed a bank?” They ignored my question btw. I think it was leased through their company because they were not that wealthy.

Original poster
NewNameforThisPost2025 · 09/12/2025 19:08

GasPanic · 09/12/2025 18:42

They could get it from anywhere. Dr's tend to run in families, and maybe she is an eternal student because she knew she was going to inherit £££££ at some point.

Or maybe they just won the lottery.

You could snoop and find out on inheritance if you wanted. But at the end of the day what does it really matter ? She has a ton of money and you are going to have to get used to that dynamic.

And no matter how wonderful a friend she is, there are clearly some things in her life that she doesn't want to tell you.

Agree with all this.

The irony is, I'm happy for her because she grew up poor - she once said that a date took her home, saw where she lived, and never contacted her again.

I'm just irritated with the way she doesn't hide her sudden wealth in these magnificent houses and yet I am not supposed to mention it. I'm being asked not to see it, it seems. Multiple times!

OP posts:
NovemberMorn · 09/12/2025 19:09

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 09/12/2025 18:34

A GP's salary as the sole household income would never cover these kinds of houses - three of them. The houses alone are magnificent and worth millions.

I don't think I am jealous. I have a nice life myself and a job that I love. I really wouldn't swap. But more, it bothers me somehow that the sudden and obvious change is the elephant in the room that we are not supposed to address. The three of us are close, but this change was never/is never mentioned.

Imagine if you had a close friend who was in not-great housing and suddenly had three mansions, and you find out when she invites you over, and you are just supposed to not mention it. It's weird. I really don't think it's about the money, it's about the strangeness. When my last parent died, I inherited, and he was industrially injured and also got compensation well into six figures, so I got half of that too. His injury caused his fatal illness, and this illness is known for attracting high compensation. So that, together with the inheritance, means that everyone knows why I have no mortgage, although I never refer to it or talk about how much I have.

I almost feel like she tries to pull the wool over my eyes insofar as I am just not meant to refer to any of it. Like she wants me to be blind to it. It's so odd to just not mention a change in circs that is extremely obvious.

I have not asked her because she obviously doesn't want to talk about it and I think it would be pretty rude. Someone said it's not my business, and I know that, which is why I haven't asked. I said that in my OP.

Honestly, if she was my friend, and I was inquisitive to start a thread and ask total strangers about it, I would simply ask her myself.
If she doesn't ant you to know she wont tell you, but if you are close, I doubt she would be offended.

Original poster
NewNameforThisPost2025 · 09/12/2025 19:09

LarryUnderwood · 09/12/2025 19:04

The thing is OP, this part from your OP works both ways: She clearly doesn't want to say anything, or she would have

Equally - your friend might be thinking 'Newnameforthis2025 clearly doesnt want to know or she would have asked'. What you describe doesn't sound like secrecy so much as neither of you really talk about stuff in much detail. Like, you know her husband's family is from California but not much else - is that because she's been evasive or because you haven't asked or because she doesn't know herself?

I've just never been that interested in him or spent much time with him. Our friendship is the three women.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewNameforThisPost2025 · 09/12/2025 19:10

x12 · 09/12/2025 19:03

@NewNameforThisPost2025 how do you know they have kept the other 2 houses?

I agree with you re not discussing money is weird when your lifestyle has had a huge upgrade.

She told me they were renting them out.

OP posts:
blueshoes · 09/12/2025 19:10

Am I the only one who thinks it is a little silly to own 3 mansions? The maintenance on those 3 properties will be a small fortune and an ongoing cost. Hope they got good tenants for the first 2.

If they don't need to rent it out, now that is serious money.

Original poster
NewNameforThisPost2025 · 09/12/2025 19:10

NovemberMorn · 09/12/2025 19:09

Honestly, if she was my friend, and I was inquisitive to start a thread and ask total strangers about it, I would simply ask her myself.
If she doesn't ant you to know she wont tell you, but if you are close, I doubt she would be offended.

Show quote history

I can't, it's just too rude.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewNameforThisPost2025 · 09/12/2025 19:11

blueshoes · 09/12/2025 19:10

Am I the only one who thinks it is a little silly to own 3 mansions? The maintenance on those 3 properties will be a small fortune and an ongoing cost. Hope they got good tenants for the first 2.

If they don't need to rent it out, now that is serious money.

I think they have come into serious money from his side. You should see these places.

OP posts:
NovemberMorn · 09/12/2025 19:13

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 09/12/2025 19:10

I can't, it's just too rude.

Show quote history

Is it?
Maybe it would seem odd as you have never mentioned it in the past, but I think perhaps a jokey way of asking her if she has won the lottery to be able to afford such gorgeous houses...or something along those lines, would be OK.

dairydebris · 09/12/2025 19:14

Theres absolutely zero chance that I wouldn't, after 2 glasses of wine, say, 'friend, I'm sorry if this is too intrusive, and of course I've no right to know and if you say so I will never ever mention this again, but how can you afford all these amazing houses?'

It boggles my mind that you haven't said anything!

Whatisrichandhaveiearnedit · 09/12/2025 19:14

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 09/12/2025 19:11

I think they have come into serious money from his side. You should see these places.

Show quote history

That’s a shit tonne of inheritance tax.
Lottery wins are tax free

NoSoupForU · 09/12/2025 19:15

You nailed it already. Her finances are absolutely none of your business and no she shouldn't have made some weird announcement about her change in circumstances to appease your nosiness.

Original poster
NewNameforThisPost2025 · 09/12/2025 19:16

Her living room from today's new house is this kind of thing. This is Martha Stewart's house, not my friend's, but it's this kind of scale.

to have weird feelings about friend's silence re. sudden wealth
OP posts:
x12 · 09/12/2025 19:16

@NewNameforThisPost2025 so when she said she was renting them out did you not ask where is the money coming from for them?

GasPanic · 09/12/2025 19:16

This reply has been hidden

This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

latetothefisting · 09/12/2025 19:17

I still haven't worked out what you want her to say, exactly!

BringBackCatsEyes · 09/12/2025 19:17

Maybe they did win the Lottery or on Premium Bonds. Someone wins!