To refuse to be a witness against colleague??

[Pukkajones]

Christmas party, a few nights ago. At a hotel, as it was timed with a big sales meeting, so everyone staying over, 200 ish people, free bar as well as a formal dinner.
Drinking very much encouraged. Staff ages ranged from early 20s to the senior staff in their 50s. Everyone VERY merry.
One colleague, let’s call her Jenny, got a bit carried away, throwing shapes on the dance floor, too touchy feely with men and women apparently then groped one older male colleagues testicles at which point friends grabbed hold of her and steered her off up stairs to her room.
She escaped. Came back down - paralytic at this point - and flashed her boobs at a senior male colleague! In the side bar area so fewer people around me being one of them. Another colleague and I intervened and friends got her again and put her to bed, this time someone stayed with her.

Now I’m being asked to come and tell what I saw to her line manager. I’m in training for an event at the moment so it’s common knowledge that I wasn’t drinking and was sober.

I really don’t want to. She’s lovely, usually quiet and sensible, the company got her poleaxed and now want to carpet her. I’m not a bloody snitch plus - why can’t the guy she flashed at say what happened. Why do I need to be involved???

I’ve been working away since the party so have no idea what is being said in office other than the OMG, Jenny! What was she doing??? Messages. But trust me, there’s plenty of stories from that night… so she’s in good company.

YABU - snitch on her. A man doing that would be in so much trouble.

YANBU - deny seeing anything. If the company ply everyone with that much booze there’s bound to be uncouth behaviour and they probably have enough witnesses already.

The company didn't get her poleaxed, she chose to drink as much as she did. All you need to do is tell the truth. If you are truthful, you have nothing to fear. Imagine if it was the other way around. Drunk or not, she did what she did and will have to face the consequences . We are all accountable for our own actions.

I have never sexually assaulted people
when drunk.

Ever.

And she chose to drink too much.

”I think sexual assault and harassment are fine but only when it’s a woman who is the perpetrator.

This woman was clearly predatory. She sexually
assaulted somebody.

If you don’t want to give them too much evidence I would say ‘ I know there was a bit of commotion but being sober, I didn’t take too much notice’.

What does feeling threatened have to do with it? Is sexual assault / harassment only bad if the victim felt “threatened”.

OP only saw one incident which to my mind was not that serious. Embarrassing? Yes. Inappropriate? Yes. But what was the intention of the lady?
To embarrass her victim? Or was it an extension of workplace banter?
My advice to OP? State what you saw and, if asked, give your opinion of the reasoning behind it.

Actually grabbing somebody’s genitals
is sexual assault.
Being threatened is not a requirement for something to be sexual assault.

Of course it's assault. Don't be ridiculous.

'Something doesn't have to be a threat to be unacceptable.'

Which is good because not one person has said the drunk women's behaviour was acceptable. What has been said is it is not remotely the same as men groping women. Men can be predatory and intimidating <different words as folk seem fixed on the word 'threatening'>

We've even had a man say drunk women bra flashing are annoying but that's about it.

That woman's behaviour was disgusting. I've been very very drunk before. I don't sexually assault others and even when I bump into someone I apologise.

@Thatsalineallright.

I have seen plenty of other women's bras and even boobs at Christmas parties. I have been lightly groped by very drunk people on 3 occasions that I can remember and do you know what - I still don't consider myself a "victim". I realised these people were very drunk and behaving totally out of character. They were all beyond apologetic and mortified when they sobered up and discovered what they had done.

None of this was ideal behaviour but I consider it pretty harmless in the context and in the grand scheme of things. Not everything in life (or Christmas parties) has to be over dramatised. Presumably the OP takes a similar view, hence her decision. Not everyone is offended by everything.

Other opinions are available 😉

If you can't behave moderately sensibly when drunk, don't drink.

Yet you seem to be advocating for it to pass unremarked, even though the man in question has lodged a complaint with HR.
You even expressed concern that the woman may not be properly “supported”, lest she feel upset that her antics have been found unacceptable.

When my DS was at uni a girl slapped his bum in a nightclub. He told the bouncer, they found her, forced her to apologise and kicked her out of the club.

You would lie to cover it up, therefore you are condoning it. You have also condoned it by calling it a silly stunt and hoping the woman is supported (no sympathy shown for the man of course, which goes to show how twisted your worldview is). You have also repeatedly said women can't be predatory, which is obviously untrue - women have stalked, harassed, sexually assaulted and abused others.

I wonder if there were any "consent type issues" in there somewhere, eg. did she ask/warn you of her intentions before executing the deeds 😂 I bet she feels an utter silly twat now.

But clearly someone was upset since a complaint was lodged.

You might not mind being groped but you don't speak for everyone.

People have a right to be safe from unwanted sexual touches at work. I never thought that was a controversial statement but this thread has shown me otherwise.

Depressing.

Go to the meeting. State what you saw in a profession way with no opinion attached and then don’t be drawn into any office gossip about it.
As for your colleague , she needs to fight her own corner .Her behaviour wasn’t ok and as an ex drinker - sometimes a “rock bottom” even losing a job , is the shock you need to wake you up ! As others have said , a man would have probably been a
ready suspended / sacked for the same actions !

I can't believe sexual assault is being brushed off as, among other things, a silly stunt.

Some absolute wrong 'uns on this thread.

Op has been asked for a witness statement (a statement of fact).
She hasn’t been asked for her opinions on the matter because they’re utterly irrelevant.

All I can say is oh my God, poor Jenny. I was a blackout drunk in the past and had some morifying things happen. She has my sympathy. I had to give up wine completely as it turned me into a completely different person. Hope she doesn’t get sacked.

It surprises me as well.

Sadly I'm not surprised. This blasé attitude is becoming more and more prevalent, and it's horrifying.

It's hardly surprising when you even have a man on here saying they would find it amusing, maybe annoying at worst. Thankfully he doesn't speak for all men and definitely doesn't speak for my dh. I don't think I could respect dh if he thought being groped by some random woman amusing