To refuse to be a witness against colleague??

[Pukkajones]

Christmas party, a few nights ago. At a hotel, as it was timed with a big sales meeting, so everyone staying over, 200 ish people, free bar as well as a formal dinner.
Drinking very much encouraged. Staff ages ranged from early 20s to the senior staff in their 50s. Everyone VERY merry.
One colleague, let’s call her Jenny, got a bit carried away, throwing shapes on the dance floor, too touchy feely with men and women apparently then groped one older male colleagues testicles at which point friends grabbed hold of her and steered her off up stairs to her room.
She escaped. Came back down - paralytic at this point - and flashed her boobs at a senior male colleague! In the side bar area so fewer people around me being one of them. Another colleague and I intervened and friends got her again and put her to bed, this time someone stayed with her.

Now I’m being asked to come and tell what I saw to her line manager. I’m in training for an event at the moment so it’s common knowledge that I wasn’t drinking and was sober.

I really don’t want to. She’s lovely, usually quiet and sensible, the company got her poleaxed and now want to carpet her. I’m not a bloody snitch plus - why can’t the guy she flashed at say what happened. Why do I need to be involved???

I’ve been working away since the party so have no idea what is being said in office other than the OMG, Jenny! What was she doing??? Messages. But trust me, there’s plenty of stories from that night… so she’s in good company.

YABU - snitch on her. A man doing that would be in so much trouble.

YANBU - deny seeing anything. If the company ply everyone with that much booze there’s bound to be uncouth behaviour and they probably have enough witnesses already.

What is so awful about a bra?

Yes, she comes across as positively gleeful.

Well this isn't about a man though is it ?

Flashing is sexual harassment.

I agree that male on female is more serious because of the power dynamic. But a woman grabbing a man’s testicles isn’t nothing, I know that my DH would be utterly horrified it it happened to him.

But it isn't really relevant to the thread as the OP didn't see it so she didn't lie about that incident.

I don't think she should have lied about what she did see, but I don't see her friend exposing her bra as that big a deal really. Though she was very foolish to get that drunk.

I think this, I’d list to myself everyone there was some rumour or ott behaviour for the night, go in and say I understand you’re concerned about behaviour at the event due to the free bar and the companies very pro drinking culture? I believe the people you want to know about are Bob, Sandra, Sarah, James, Colin, dinesh, Mak, Adrian… and list about 20 names including colleague and see their faces (I wouldn’t say anything specific about them) then I probably would tell them what I saw about this woman and say I hope the company is taking its responsibility here seriously, this could have been a complete blow up and in the news with the number of crazy drunk people and shenanigans. She was definitely at fault but so are management and legally that’s very clear.

Strange thing double standards. If a man had been getting drunk and sexually assaulting colleagues nobody would be playing it down or saying they didn’t want to get involved. But if a woman does it…Meh, it’s just Jenny innit?

So is grabbing men by the testicles. Actually no, that’s assault.

I don't think anyone has said 'if a man did it'..

Exactly this. You can’t say they plied her with alcohol. You were there and you were sober. Just because there is free alcohol doesn’t mean she has to get blind drunk and grope people. Men would be rightfully disciplined for that so why shouldn’t your friend.

if she just flashed her boobs then fair enough it’s probably no harm done although still inappropriate but she actually groped someone. That’s not ok.

I'm aware of that. I think it's appalling that people are playing this down.

No but people have played it down simply because it WASNT a man who did it. That’s the whole point.

Glad I'm not employed at a place where you're apparently nearly required to drink to excess. You should've told the truth, but at least I hope the out-of-control colleague has learned her lesson and won't overindulge at the next Christmas party.

Congratulations on lying <heavy sarcasm>.

I hope you're recognised from your posts and somebody lets your company know about this thread...

Call it bullshit all you like but it doesn’t change the fact that not all abuse is ‘equal’. The level of threat and danger, physical and mental harm and potential for lasting trauma posed by men against women isn’t the same as the same as those posed by women against men. Men are more violent and powerful because biology and that’s without all the toxic masculinity shit added in. It’s just the way it is. It serves no one to pretend otherwise.

I'm really shocked at the amount of minimising on this thread about the impact of female-on-male sexual harassment/assault.

The physical difference between a man and a woman is one element of the power dynamic between a victim and perpetrator. In scenarios that involve a man physically threatening or overpowering a woman, it's clearly a hugely bloody important one, and one that will significantly impact the experience of the victim in terms of their ability to remove themselves from a situation, their risk of physical harm, and their level of fear and distress.

But in a workplace setting the physical power imbalance is much less relevant. A man could easily be in a relatively vulnerable position due to seniority, social networks, (invisible) disability, history of CSA or domestic violence etc etc.

It is absolutely outrageous to police the degree of distress and upset that a man feel relative to a woman in the context of workplace harassment, which is what is being discussed here.

So what if all abuse isn't equal, that doesn't make any of it acceptable. All abuse should be called out.

The OP is clearly happy to cover it up, however.

Exactly.

And to take any other position in the context of workplace harassment is not only indefensible, but plays right into the hands of the misogynists and incels who delight in tarnishing women as self-serving, men-hating hypocrites.

Workplace protections exist for everyone, equally.

I think if you are only asked to state the facts, you absolutley can be impartial.

Because she didn’t want to say she saw the woman flash a bit of her bra? Ok.

You are disgusting. She sexually assaulted someone and your response is saw nothing she was tipsy ha ha ha. Vile

This is a pretty outing thread, no?

I wouldn't if it was totally and utterly out of character for her . ( nor would I for a male colleague in same circumstances)
she could lose her job with no reference two weeks before Xmas , assuming that it was a one off I couldn't be involved in someone potentially losing their job over that.

Well done Op. FWIW, I would have done the same thing in your position.

🙄