To refuse to be a witness against colleague??

[Pukkajones]

Christmas party, a few nights ago. At a hotel, as it was timed with a big sales meeting, so everyone staying over, 200 ish people, free bar as well as a formal dinner.
Drinking very much encouraged. Staff ages ranged from early 20s to the senior staff in their 50s. Everyone VERY merry.
One colleague, let’s call her Jenny, got a bit carried away, throwing shapes on the dance floor, too touchy feely with men and women apparently then groped one older male colleagues testicles at which point friends grabbed hold of her and steered her off up stairs to her room.
She escaped. Came back down - paralytic at this point - and flashed her boobs at a senior male colleague! In the side bar area so fewer people around me being one of them. Another colleague and I intervened and friends got her again and put her to bed, this time someone stayed with her.

Now I’m being asked to come and tell what I saw to her line manager. I’m in training for an event at the moment so it’s common knowledge that I wasn’t drinking and was sober.

I really don’t want to. She’s lovely, usually quiet and sensible, the company got her poleaxed and now want to carpet her. I’m not a bloody snitch plus - why can’t the guy she flashed at say what happened. Why do I need to be involved???

I’ve been working away since the party so have no idea what is being said in office other than the OMG, Jenny! What was she doing??? Messages. But trust me, there’s plenty of stories from that night… so she’s in good company.

YABU - snitch on her. A man doing that would be in so much trouble.

YANBU - deny seeing anything. If the company ply everyone with that much booze there’s bound to be uncouth behaviour and they probably have enough witnesses already.

Indeed, the 'what if it was a maaaaaaaaaaan' posts on here take me to the fair, considering there was a thread a few days ago where some woman shagged (twice) her work colleague and wondered if she should confess.

Comically she was overwhelmingly told sure it was just a wee drunken slip say nothing😄

Mind, had this been a maaaaaaaan posting or a wife posting her husband had dunnit he'd have had his bollox handed to him wrapped in Christmas paper.

The double standards on here is so funny to see.

The company is to blame - play silly games get silly prizes.

Give a basic statement of what you saw. I would be literally showing my face and quickly leaving these in future.

Bring drunk doesn't excuse sexual assault.

Covering for her does her no favours. She can't handle alcohol and needs to deal with that, along with the consequences of assaulting people while drunk.

One day she's going to assault the wrong person and end up injured or in jail.

There is another thread on here which I wont go into details but far too many posters are screaming hang the b (not quite those words but you get my drift)

If any of them come on here saying you should refuse to speak up about what you saw that would just prove how the world is fucked!

She grabbed a mans testicles, so she was drunk if he grabbed her would being drunk be a defence? She also flashed her boobs, women are going wild on the other thread because of a dick pic (not suggesting thats ok either)

Of course you should speak up, you don't have to express an opinion on the subject, all they want is the facts.

so you didn't see her flash her bra and you didn't intervene?

I thought you saw her showing her bra off

your employer will expect you to attend a meeting and recount what you witnessed. I cannot see any reasonable explanation as to why you would not do this.

I think that is ridiculous. Everyone, male and female has a result not to experience sexual harassment and assault which is what this was. You are minimising.

It seems that women are expected to behave professionally.

OP, you can state factually what you saw without speculating on the context of their conversation and the reasons why she did it. Stick to hard facts. Don’t mix in judgments and opinions.

Do you work in the 1980s? I thought that kind of culture had died out.

I think you just need to keep it factual. I get that you don't want to interfere but I would actually see manipulating the truth or withholding facts as interfering in the process. Your role here is provide a factual account of what you witnessed , nothing more and nothing less. You don't need to feel responsible as judge / jury because your views on the rights and wrongs of the situation should have no bearing on the outcome.

Sounds like a bloody awful place to work. I bet HR dread every event like this, knowing the crap they'll have to deal with afterwards.

You don't think a man having his bits grabbed is as bad as a woman being groped? Just checking I am understanding that statement?

Jesus Christ! I have no words

I would say something vague eg “I don’t remember much about it”.

It’s ridiculous for PP to say her actions were equivalent to a man molesting women. Men don’t live in fear of female violence, they are not constantly sexually harassed, they do not have to organise their journeys to minimise the risk of sexual assault, they are very unlikely to ever be raped.

Her behaviour was rude and annoying,and merits a warning, but nothing more than that. I’d try to stay uninvolved.

No I don’t

Whatever industry you work in, I'm glad I don't. That work party sounds like my first ever one in 1980s Northern Ireland. Women getting "mildly" sexually assulted and putting up with it. Poor shy office clerk cornered by the secretary old enough to be his mother and his mortification just a big joke. I didn't think they existed anymore. I hoped they didn't.

And that ... Ladies, is why we will never have equality. If we don't suffer the same consequences as men we will never be equal

Pick me!! Pick me!! 🙄

"snitching" really? I think you and Jenny both need to grow up.

The company did not force alcohol down her throat. You say factually what you saw and Jenny deals with the consequences of her actions. If you feel generous you can ask to include in your statement that it is the excessive drinking and generally inappropriate behaviour culture at this company's Christmas parties that needs dealt with not any one individual or instance.

It is not your place to judge what the consequences for Jenny are, she is an adult and can defend herself.

Jesus Christ on a stick.

I am a man who, as a 9-13 year old choirboy in one of the UK's allegedly most prestigious prep schools was routinely groped by the choirmaster and the priest. I was there on a scholarship and it was made quite clear I'd lose my place in the school if I said anything.

It is extremely offensive to me and many, many others when it is casually suggested that sexual violence against males is somehow less worthy of censure, simply because the victim is a male. It beggars belief that anyone thinks it, never mind says it out loud.

Just go to the meeting and answer the questions based on what you saw yourself, not what other people are saying happened.

I agree.

Could you not tell them that you are a friend of Jenny's and, as such, you are not an impartial witness - there is a conflict of interest?

I haven't RTFT, but if her behaviour was that out of character, is it possible her drink was spiked?