To refuse to be a witness against colleague??

[Pukkajones]

Christmas party, a few nights ago. At a hotel, as it was timed with a big sales meeting, so everyone staying over, 200 ish people, free bar as well as a formal dinner.
Drinking very much encouraged. Staff ages ranged from early 20s to the senior staff in their 50s. Everyone VERY merry.
One colleague, let’s call her Jenny, got a bit carried away, throwing shapes on the dance floor, too touchy feely with men and women apparently then groped one older male colleagues testicles at which point friends grabbed hold of her and steered her off up stairs to her room.
She escaped. Came back down - paralytic at this point - and flashed her boobs at a senior male colleague! In the side bar area so fewer people around me being one of them. Another colleague and I intervened and friends got her again and put her to bed, this time someone stayed with her.

Now I’m being asked to come and tell what I saw to her line manager. I’m in training for an event at the moment so it’s common knowledge that I wasn’t drinking and was sober.

I really don’t want to. She’s lovely, usually quiet and sensible, the company got her poleaxed and now want to carpet her. I’m not a bloody snitch plus - why can’t the guy she flashed at say what happened. Why do I need to be involved???

I’ve been working away since the party so have no idea what is being said in office other than the OMG, Jenny! What was she doing??? Messages. But trust me, there’s plenty of stories from that night… so she’s in good company.

YABU - snitch on her. A man doing that would be in so much trouble.

YANBU - deny seeing anything. If the company ply everyone with that much booze there’s bound to be uncouth behaviour and they probably have enough witnesses already.

THIS!!!

No, they really wouldn’t.

I mean…if someone grabbed my DH balls in a drunken moment of being paralytic at a works do I wouldn’t care. So long as he wasn’t encouraging it. In fact a couple of years ago a senior manager at my DH work asked DH to suck him off in the toilets! While I was outside 9 months pregnant talking to his wife! DH came out and told me and we both thought it was hilarious.

‘Imagine’ why? Imagine she pulled out a knife what then??
ask an AIBU with facts to be then told to imagine a totally fictional
scenario instead is dumb.

I used to work for a private company a bit like this, we all had to go to a huge boozy event, and you couldn't leave until the boss said you could. Many shenanigans ensued, people sat in laps, danced like idiots, swapped clothes, made embarassing declarations, left in pairs (and there was one threesome I knew of), etc. But that was all in the good old 90s. I have to admit a bra flash is failing to get me riled up.

However. Under sexual harassment laws, if someone says they felt harassed by the flashing, then that's how the company has to deal with it. They are also entitled to ask you what you witnessed, and you should comply with this as it's a reasonable request. What you tell them is up to you, but I'd just be brief, factual, and tell the truth - don't do anything that could backfire on you, it's not worth it (even if it is winding-up the mn crowd).

Exactly

If you didn't see anything, then why the fuss? There is nothing to deny having seen so your OP makes no sense.

A drunk lairy woman is no threat anyone. Annoying yes.
This is not the oft quoted 'double standards' on here, it is common sense.

I'd be interested to know who had reported it as the men she flashed her bra at didn't.

Would you say this about a woman, your DD, female partner or best friend telling you they experienced this? It’s sexual assault and no different when a woman does it

How would you feel if a male colleague drunkenly groped you at a Christmas party and then flashed someone else?

How would you feel if the people who witnessed it refused to make a statement about it? Downplayed it because he’s normally a nice guy.

Do whatever you would want the witnesses to do, had you been on the receiving end of it.

Exactly op. Imagine if she mugged someone, robbed a bank, kidnapped a small child. All these things could have happened.

What is she were a man .

Husbands work used to be like this until it was sold.

One Xmas party, someone actually pissed up the front of the bar, there were 3 fights, some puke and I lost track of who went home with who (all partners invited, all alcohol provided). The company owner encouraged shenanigans… poor HR 🤣🤣🤣

Noone ever reported feeling harassed or victimised or whatever. Everyone was forewarned… and the company owner ALWAYS kissed every female on the lips and was unavoidable 🤣🤷🏻‍♀️

The only time I remember it being an issue was when the company got barred from a venue from time to time. (Not a regular thing as 100s of employees and everyone had a room booked for them in case they needed it).

I wouldn’t worry OP.

I'm not sure how refusing to be a witness would help Jenny. She will hopefully be admitting the flashing incident because if she doesn't, she will in effect be accusing her colleague of lying to get her into trouble, which would get him into trouble. It isn't snitching when a complaint has already been made and you've been asked for a statement. If you're a witness you can say that she did flash at her colleague but it was totally out of character.

I've been sexually assaulted by women and let me tell you, I felt threatened. I've had a male family member assaulted by their girlfriend and they were terrified.

First of all, it makes no difference whether or not the target was scared, it's incredibly inappropriate behaviour in the workplace at best, and coupled with the alleged groping, a case of sexual assault at worst. She should feel mortified.

Minimisation and complacency around violence and inappropriate behaviour by women helps noone.

You’re a good egg @Pukkajones

You know the company, you know the people and you applied good realistic logic.

Says it all really, your manager with his own history of overdoing it, video calling you about it. Isn’t that hypocrisy at its finest.

It's astonishing that any employer still does this.

All you need is a glass of bubbly when you arrive and half a bottle of wine per person with dinner.

Everything else should be a cash bar. Soon concentrates the mind and people drink much less.

It's wrong for employers ply their staff with so much alcohol. Especially as they are now legally obliged to prevent sexual harassment. In your shoes OP I would have been making exactly that point. Nobody needs that much to drink at a (work) party.

It isn't astonisthing at all.

What industry do you work in?

Yes they really could.

There's also a requirement for employers to prevent sexual harassment and there's a stronger obligation in the current Employment Rights Bill which may be in force in time for next Christmas.

I'm in my 50s, have been drunk loads of times in lots of situations including office parties and have managed not to sexually assault anyone.

You need to say what you witnessed OP, it's not taking sides or throwing her under the bus, it's a factual account of what happened.

Tell me you felt such faux outrage at a comment on page one and didn’t bother to read the rest of the thread without telling me you felt faux outrage….etc.

This has been asked and answered multiple times.

It is astonishing. My employer still does it too. Just because reputable employers ply their employees with booze doesn't mean that it isn't a ridiculously stupid thing to do.

It doesn't matter that you haven't assaulted anyone. Some people can handle their drink. Others can't. Some just go to sleep. Some of us know we'll have a terrible hangover after anything more than two drinks so the issue never arises of overdoing it.

But it is blatantly stupid for any employer to encourage their employees to overdo it. and then moan when they do and misbehave.

They are not plying anyone with alcohol. They have free bars and the ADULT employees can drink as much as they want. Its quite different to your interpretation of how company nights out work.

Whilst I agree that both sexes are capable of sexual assault, I do feel people try to make it too equal. It is actually different if a woman does it. A man has a penis and that is legally considered the "weapon", which is why it is 'assault by penetration' from a criminal perspective. Flashing their penis causes alarm and fear, which is taken seriously.

Too many people jump on the bandwagon when they hear a woman doing it and make a bigger meal out of it. These are usually the same women that go more balistic at a story of a false rape allegation than they do an actual rape. In fact, they pick holes in the genuine rape story.

No one made her drink. No one made her drink too much. Being drunk doesn’t make you grab a man’s bslls or flash your boobs. She needs to take some responsibility .

You? You can be factual and unemotional in what you say.