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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give SIL her engagement ring back?

469 replies

NameChangerAlaina · 09/12/2025 14:28

DB proposed to SIL with an heirloom ring that has been in the family (in one form or another) for generations; they are now married.

A few years ago, DB and SIL separated due to her family and money; basically DB got to the point where he was refusing to “lend” them anymore and SIL was furious. The final straw was when SIL sold the engagement ring to a pawn shop, gave the money to her family and told DB that if he wanted the ring he’d have to go and buy it back; it was basically a workaround to force him into (indirectly) giving her family the money. SIL was 100% sure DB would get the ring back as obviously it’s a family ring however DB point blank refused “on principle” and instead walked out.

DB told me the whole story as he moved in with me and with his blessing, I went and bought the ring in order to keep it in the family. Now just to be crystal clear for the avoidance of any doubt as it’s MN where some people like to cancel the cheque; SIL SOLD the ring to the shop and I BOUGHT IT from them (for an extremely inflated price I might add as I had to explain the situation). I have the receipt and record of the card transaction so the ring is now legally mine.

Fast forward to now and despite reconciling 2 years ago (they were separated for a year) it seems it’s only just come up in conversation between the two of them that I now have the ring. Now that SIL knows, she’s been hounding me nonstop to give her the ring as it “means the world” to her, my grandad wanted DB’s wife to have it, she regrets what she did, it’s so sentimental to her yada yada yada. When I told her how much I paid for it she basically told me it was my own fault for “paying over the odds” and offered me £100 (which is really cheeky considering she sold it for 4k never mind what I paid).

Now as far as I’m concerned, if I hadn’t paid over the odds, the ring would have gone to someone else so she’d be without it anyway and my grandad most certainly would not have wanted her to have it if he’d have known she’d sell it (he wanted it to stay in the family). I also don’t really care about how much it means to her as quite frankly it can’t mean all that much if she sold it.

DB is very much of the opinion that it’s now my ring (was originally willed to him) and I should keep it since he knows it has sentimental value to me and others in the family; he also made an offhand comment that he wouldn’t put it past her to sell it again as they’re “not as solid” as he’d like due to her family.

Now considering DB supports my decision and it was originally his ring, would I be unreasonable to keep it? My plan is to leave it to DB’s DD from a previous relationship thereby keeping it in his family anyway.

OP posts:
NewCushions · 09/12/2025 14:30

Yup, Ii'd keep it. And I think leaving it to your neice via your brother is the right decision.

putthehamsterbackinitscage · 09/12/2025 14:30

Just stick to your guns on this one- and don’t discuss it with her at all.

FuzzyWolf · 09/12/2025 14:32

YABU. It’s your ring and I hope you keep it, and never give or sell it to her. She has proven it doesn’t mean that much and she doesn’t care about the sentimental value of a family heirloom.

stackhead · 09/12/2025 14:32

Abso-fucking-lutely. She sold it, and therefore lost all claims to sentimentality.

Lovely idea to leave it to DN.

Helpwithdivorce · 09/12/2025 14:33

No it’s your ring now. She sold it. She doesn’t get it back.
The only way round is I’d tell her she could buy it back for £20k knowing she would never

Invisablepanic · 09/12/2025 14:33

Keep it. Wear it whenever you see her.

SkinnyOatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 09/12/2025 14:34

You would be mad to give her it.

CombatBarbie · 09/12/2025 14:34

Tell her to get to fuck......

CombatBarbie · 09/12/2025 14:34

Invisablepanic · 09/12/2025 14:33

Keep it. Wear it whenever you see her.

I would out of sheer pettiness

user593 · 09/12/2025 14:35

YANBU, it’s your ring.

Anxietybummer · 09/12/2025 14:36

Invisablepanic · 09/12/2025 14:33

Keep it. Wear it whenever you see her.

This. Please do this 🤣

Unforgettablefire · 09/12/2025 14:36

It’s your ring now you bought it tell her to piss off. She should never have sold it. Have you got a dd? Keep it for her and tell sil it’s not your fault it’s hers for selling it in the first place.

TryingToRecover · 09/12/2025 14:36

Keep it. Wear it with bright red nail polish and make elaborate hand gestures whenever you see her.

bungobungobungo · 09/12/2025 14:37

Tell her she can have it for the amount you had to pay to get it back or not at all.

Whinge · 09/12/2025 14:37

No one is going to say you should give it back to SIL. Heck, even your brother doesn't think she should have it back.

YANBU OP, but you already know this.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/12/2025 14:37

I’d do what you’re doing.

But it would be funny to offer to give it to her for 5k (or whatever you paid). Just to see how sentimental it is to her…

ArtfulScreamer · 09/12/2025 14:38

Cold day in hell before I'd give her that ring, if it meant that much she wouldn't have sold it.

Dweetfidilove · 09/12/2025 14:38

Invisablepanic · 09/12/2025 14:33

Keep it. Wear it whenever you see her.

I like your style 😅.

Honestly @NameChangerAlaina , your SIL is headgirl of CF High. Just tell her to get lost.

BasilParsley · 09/12/2025 14:38

Make sure it's hidden away under lock and key when you're not wearing it...

RainbowBagels · 09/12/2025 14:38

It doesn't sound like the marriage is going to last so it would be stupid for you to give it back to her. If they split again it will be gone from the family forever.

Mamadothehump · 09/12/2025 14:39

Invisablepanic · 09/12/2025 14:33

Keep it. Wear it whenever you see her.

I was about to start a slight rant about how mad you would be to even consider letting this awful woman have “her” ring back but this right here, is the only way to go about this situation!

pigsDOfly · 09/12/2025 14:40

Absolutely no question.

She sold the ring to the shop. The shop put it in stock to sell and you, a customer, went into the shop and bought it.

Of course it's your ring. You paid for it.

She has not more claim to it than your next door neighbour.

People who sell things can't expect to be handed them back by the person who bought them.

Keep it, wear it and enjoy it.

BMW6 · 09/12/2025 14:40

She's got a nerve! Keep it and tell her to FOTTFSOFAWSGTFOSM

ohthiscouldgetmessy · 09/12/2025 14:40

She sold the ring, that's where her story ends. You bought a lovely ring, that's where your story starts. End of.

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 09/12/2025 14:41

Absolutely not.
She has proven that she can’t be trusted to respect the fact that it is a family heirloom.
And that is why it’s yours now. That, and a lot of your money.