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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you honestly what are your first thoughts on seeing this?

644 replies

gemful · 09/12/2025 11:44

NC’d for this

A couple. 2 dc (no childcare)
A brand new, new build house. Mortgaged.
Two brand new cars.
They don’t dress designer but the present well.
She has a few designer handbags.
gadgets are always good brands, latest I phones, shark hairdryers, robot hoover.
very organised and tidy home, both work full time in good jobs.
They do family outings every few weekends but not every weekend.
Honesty, what are your first thoughts?!

OP posts:
Blizzardofleaves · 09/12/2025 12:37

And an offhand comment has caused this much anguish? Why?

Your neighbour is a very unhappy person if they are wasting this much energy on your life. I would stop ‘chatting’ wave breezily with I must go will be late to the Ritz/dressmaker/travel agent and not engage, it has nothing at all to do with your neighbour how you live your own life op. Zilch.

Ineedanewsofa · 09/12/2025 12:37

I’d wonder why they chose a new build, too many nosey neighbours 😉

HouseofDreams · 09/12/2025 12:37

Who cares? Well you obviously do…

MumbleBumbleAppleCrumble · 09/12/2025 12:37

GoodBrew · 09/12/2025 12:25

I'm surprised by this. My family income puts me in the middle class bracket according to Google and I can't afford those kind of brands let alone 2 new cars.

It's not that I'm crap with money, we are very frugal, live in a cheap area and only go on one cheap UK holiday a year.

I would have put them at the lower end of the upper class bracket.

Show quote history

Money doesn’t buy class. It certainly doesn’t move you into the upper classes. And the situation described above certainly doesn’t (unless there is an Earldom they’ve failed to mention). It sounds decidedly dull and while reasonably affluent (though no mention of house size or worth or land) decidedly less than extraordinary.

WingsTingle · 09/12/2025 12:38

Lucky them 🤷‍♀️

Mokeytree · 09/12/2025 12:38

gemful · 09/12/2025 12:35

Honestly I don’t brag, I don’t feel any of it is worth bragging about. My sister and friends will visit and have said things. My sister especially, she asks a lot of questions. I have argued with her on this. 😭 she asked me what I earn and nearly had a heart attack. I earn 62k. She said she assumed I was on half that. I try not to talk about money tbh.

Well there you go you are on a high income, much higher than your sister expected. Presumably your husband is too so you can afford more than they can.

SJM1988 · 09/12/2025 12:38

Absolutely nothing. You have no idea if:

  1. the cars are leased
  2. the gadgets and designer clothes are on finance
  3. what the mortgage to value ratio is
  4. a brand new house does not equal more money than an older house

Appearance means nothing in reality.

I've had the stupid 'you get a new car often' comments from people with the insinuation we must have alot of money to waste. I lease my car so it goes back every 3 years for cheaper than a loan on keeping a car. My DH has a company car which is changed every year (works for a car company). It works for our situation.

Ignore what people say - I concluded people are jealous and can never be happy for others.

Blizzardofleaves · 09/12/2025 12:38

MumbleBumbleAppleCrumble · 09/12/2025 12:37

Money doesn’t buy class. It certainly doesn’t move you into the upper classes. And the situation described above certainly doesn’t (unless there is an Earldom they’ve failed to mention). It sounds decidedly dull and while reasonably affluent (though no mention of house size or worth or land) decidedly less than extraordinary.

Show quote history

Well that comment certainly rattled your cage 😂😂

Dutchhouse14 · 09/12/2025 12:38

My initial thoughts drew a blank lol,nothing particularly sprang to mind.
But if i thought for a few seconds longer Id say:
Comfortable lifestyle
Good incomes /jobs
Image conscious/like latest models etc
cars probably leased
Possibly some debt or inheritance/family money to help subsidise lifestyle
Very organised and tidy

Vaxtable · 09/12/2025 12:39

I wouldn’t think anything.

SmileyMoonset · 09/12/2025 12:39

Like most posters, I wouldn’t think anything at all about you.

But given that multiple people in your life are commenting I suspect you might be oversharing.

None of my sisters or friends could tell you whether my iPhone is new, which hairdryer I have, or who makes my bags.

They might notice my car was different but I certainly wouldn’t mention it to them in advance.

My family and friends have absolutely no idea what either my DH or I earn so they wouldn’t be in a position to know what we can afford.

Be a bit more discreet and you’ll probably have less issues.

JHound · 09/12/2025 12:39

I had no thoughts reading that.

Dweetfidilove · 09/12/2025 12:40

I wouldn't think anything of them, but I'll notice a nice house and a nice car, if I think they are. I wouldn't extend my thought to anything of depth like income or benefits, etc.

If they're a good looking bunch I might think 'nice looking family'; but the minutiae of their handbag brand and clothes requires too much thought. And I'd likely forget them as soon as I passed.

CombatBarbie · 09/12/2025 12:41

Could have been me 18 months ago, now its a large nice house, 1 nice car, I own a robot hoover and a Henry, I have a shark hairdryer as a gift, my handbags were also gifts.

Im also universal credit scum 🤣

Nutmuncher · 09/12/2025 12:41

I’d feel sorry that they’re trapped in a new build and can’t afford Dyson hair tools? They should have stuck with just 1 child so they could pay to have a proper cleaner in a few days per week instead of a crappy robot hoover?

RobinTheCavewoman · 09/12/2025 12:41

They sound quite mainstream and dull - I know that's not fair from such a top-level description but it's the vibe I get.

CombatBarbie · 09/12/2025 12:42

gemful · 09/12/2025 12:35

Honestly I don’t brag, I don’t feel any of it is worth bragging about. My sister and friends will visit and have said things. My sister especially, she asks a lot of questions. I have argued with her on this. 😭 she asked me what I earn and nearly had a heart attack. I earn 62k. She said she assumed I was on half that. I try not to talk about money tbh.

Jealousy, it comes in many forms

ChristmasMantleStatue · 09/12/2025 12:42

miliop · 09/12/2025 12:24

Ehh, people can be surprisingly jealous and sometimes they show it.

I was getting a coffee last week and the barista was telling me she had gone to a local restaurant recently. I said something like 'Oh I've not been there. Would love to go. So many places on my list but we've not been out that much lately'. She shot back 'well, you're lucky enough to own a house'. I think I mentioned literally a year ago that I was shit at DIY – it's hardly like I talk about owning a home.

I look a lot younger than I am and I work irregular hours. Which I think has given some people the impression that I must be absolutely loaded to have bought a house and be swanning about getting coffee.

The truth is, I'm 40, I saved for years, I'll be saving for many more years to do up my house, coffee is my one treat, I have been on holiday once in 15 years and my car is 17 years old.

To add: I do think money pressures and the cost of living are making people much more jealous of what they perceive others to have – and they don't realise appearances can be deceiving.

Edited

re your edited point- yes I agree 100%.

BoilerService · 09/12/2025 12:42

Unless you walk around telling everyone you've just dried your hair with your shark and now your robo vac is shuffling around the designer handbags hoovering up your hair.

This made me chuckle. Is this the peak of human civilisation?!

OP - You and your partner clearly work hard and have excellent budgeting and money management skills. Enjoy the fruits of your labour and ignore the snarky jealous comments. (And cherish the good health which no doubt makes it all possible).

TidyCyan · 09/12/2025 12:43

Ah. Trouble is with neighbours it tends to invite comparison. They know how much it costs them to run the same house and are comparing disposable income.

Pointless though. If we moved to a new build here we're be putting in £200k equity so "only" have £150k mortgage and we would port a very low rate for some of that. We are early 40s and have done the nursery years. Very different housing costs to a younger couple putting down 10% deposit. I have designer bags but they were bought when some of my work colleagues and neighbours were at primary school!

Sid9nie · 09/12/2025 12:43

If they live in an area with low house prices that's a very affordable lifestyle. Esp if they had kids a bit later so had a large deposit.

BringBackCatsEyes · 09/12/2025 12:43

How do other people know what iPhone model you have? I have to check my own. I'd only know someone else's model if they told me "oooh I got the latest iPhone" and that coming from anyone other than a teenager I'd think was rather shallow.

lazyarse123 · 09/12/2025 12:44

gemful · 09/12/2025 12:36

Good location but not SE. Value is 500k. 5 bed semi.

Show quote history

I think that poster was being sarcastic. Apologies if that's not the case.
Anybody commenting would get short shrift. If anything i would maybe say I work hard for what I have or just tell them to mind their own business.
Neighbour also presumably has a new house, have you asked how they afford that?

LeonMccogh · 09/12/2025 12:44

The jealousy on this thread!! 😂😂😂

WingingItSince1973 · 09/12/2025 12:44

I'd think you are the same as my bil and sil. They've both worked really hard to build up their businesses. They are now quite wealthy. Built their own home. Have new cars. Many holidays. They have 3 DC and worked around childcare. I'm not at all jealous as I know how blinking hard they both work and I don't have that wort of motivation or energy. I love them to bits anyway and we have different priorities on things in life. They also help out a lot of people and are very generous and kind. Just ignore what others say. They obviously have issues they need to resolve in their own lives.