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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell this nosey mother to shove off?

351 replies

theBOD · 10/06/2008 10:49

long sorry but need an opinion.
i was meant to be playing football with mates and my lectures finished about an hour early. now seeing as i lived about an hours drive from where we were playing it made no sense for me to go home so i decided i'd just drive to the park where we play and do some work(play solitare) on my laptop for the hour and listen to the radio.
so i parked on the road beside the pitches, which also happens to be opposite a playground. after about half an hour some woman came over to me and knocked on my window asking me "what do you think you're doing" and telling me to move as it was "not right" and i was making the parents "nervous".
apparently i should not be parked and on a laptop near children as a man on his own as this obviously in her mind made me some sort of sex predator.
so i told her that what i was doing was none of her business and told her to get away from my car. she then threatened to call the police (she didn't) and get her husband out (which she did).
anyway was i unreasonable to use some very choice words to her and her husband when they came over to me the second time claiming they didn't want trouble and just thought it was best if i left?

OP posts:
JodieG1 · 10/06/2008 10:52

I don't think you were unreasonable. I don't think I'd have even noticed you sitting there. It's annoying that a man can't even sit in his own car because paraniod parents think they are watching their children.

tinylady · 10/06/2008 10:52

You were not unreasonable.
Unfortunately, parents are so paranoid about men in general that this does not surprise me.

RosaLuxembourg · 10/06/2008 10:53

You were unreasonable to use choice words - best to retain your dignity at all times and keep on the moral high ground IMO.
As for the rest of it, no YANBU in the slightest. Paedomania needs to be challenged where encountered before we turn into a nation of curtain twitchers.

ZoeC · 10/06/2008 10:53

I think she was rude in how she approached you, and I think you exacerbated it by not answering. You both annoyed each other by the sound of it. I think I might have been a bit concerned if a man was in a car, on a laptop near a child's playground, although not enough to approach or make any firm assumptions about what he was doing. Just there is so much fear in society, disproportionately so, and it affects how people view things sadly. I don't think it would have spiralled the way it did if you had risen above it and just explained though.

SheherazadetheGoat · 10/06/2008 10:54

people are astonishingly thick. what exactly did they thing you were doing on the laptop?

stroppyknickers · 10/06/2008 10:54

i think it is actually v hilarious - you couldn't have set yourself up as 'looking a bit dodgy' had you tried. On your laptop, opposite a playground, on your own...

Original poster
theBOD · 10/06/2008 10:57

"I don't think it would have spiralled the way it did if you had risen above it and just explained though."

no of course it wouldn't you are right, and i definitely knew this.
however i just couldn't bring myself to justify my sitting in a car to her when there was absolutely no need to. also i think that would have (in her mind anyway) qualified her fears as justifiable. she'd go home thiking she'd done her bit to keep the communnity safe and that any future incidents where someone didn't justify themselves to her would be an obvious sign of guilt because "if they've got nothing to hide they won't mind explaining themselves".

although i'm probably over thinking it.

OP posts:
Original poster
theBOD · 10/06/2008 10:59

"i think it is actually v hilarious - you couldn't have set yourself up as 'looking a bit dodgy' had you tried. On your laptop, opposite a playground, on your own..."

yes and to my eternal credit i took the high road and for the next half hour did not "nonce it up" in any way at all to provoke further panic.

OP posts:
bluefox · 10/06/2008 10:59

This is awful. A similar thing happened to my husband. During his lunch hour he went to get a kebab and was quietly sitting in his car in the street behind the kebab shop eating it. Next thing he knows one of the residents came out - accused him of 'casing the joint' and god knows what else. Its sad.

themildmanneredjanitor · 10/06/2008 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sneekpeeks · 10/06/2008 11:00

This very same thing happened to my Dad.

He is a builder and was in between jobs so stopped to eat his lunch and read the paper in a carpark of a leisure centre. Next thing he knew a lady was banging on his window and shouting at him to move.
He hadn't relised that he was parked opposite a playground.

I understand parents being over protective due the scale of sex offenders in our towns and cities, but people can not go around taking these sorts of things into there own hands. Making innocent people feel bad. My Dad felt dreadful for ages afterwards.

The other thing is, is that they was a car next to my dad with 3-4, 20 something lads in !! Why not shout at them ??
What makes young lads and more of a threat then a 50 year old man ??

RosaLuxembourg · 10/06/2008 11:01

No, I don't think there was any need for you to justify yourself to her, and you are right that this would have reinforced her opinion that she was entitled to the justification, but I do think you should have stonewalled her politely.
Even though she was clearly a nosey cow.

DirtySexyMummy · 10/06/2008 11:01

Jesus christ - No, YANBU.

What the hell did they think you were doing with a laptop?

FFS you have as much right to be there as her, or anyone else. You should have let her call the police, they would have told her what an idiot she is. She might have even got told off for wasting police time.

themildmanneredjanitor · 10/06/2008 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tinylady · 10/06/2008 11:02

I hate this ignorant paranoia.

CrushWithEyeliner · 10/06/2008 11:04

I personally think swearing at people makes you appear inarticulate. It was ridiculous that she approached you like she did. I would have just been super nice back, make her look even more silly.

FrannyandZooey · 10/06/2008 11:04

oh dear I am sorry to hear this
I would have been tempted to call the police and explain you were being harrassed by loons

wannaBe · 10/06/2008 11:05

yanbu, although by swearing at her you did IMO stoop to her level.

However...

I would bet any money that if someone posted:

"yesterday while I was in a local playground with mine and a friend's children, I noticed a man pull up across the road in a car. He didn't get out of the car, instead, he got out his laptop and proceeded to sit with it while our children played in the playground opposite. After half an hour he was still there, so I decided to go over and confront him. When I asked what he thought he was doing, he said it was none of my business. I told him to leave as it was inappropriate for a man to sit opposite a children's playground alone. Ibu in thinking this was very dodgy?"

The response would be predominantly on the side of the poster. People are histerical about men, it's quite sad really.

tinylady · 10/06/2008 11:07

Actually wannabe, I would not be on the side of the poster.

micci25 · 10/06/2008 11:08

erm, i might be a bit thick here, but what could you be doing with a laptop that could harm kids? mine has an internal web cam but i couldnt film kids from a distance with it, in fact i dont think that i can 'film' and save anything, tbh.

dd1 often screams that she is being kidnapped by me!!! after telling her that if anyone she didnt know tried to take her anywhere with them she should shout and scream as loud as she could, no one blinks an eye. i wonder what they would do if she did it while with dp .

why are men anymore dangerous than women? women can abduct and abuse children too.

DirtySexyMummy · 10/06/2008 11:09

WannaBe - I would tell that poster that they were being highly unreasonable.

oopsadaisyangel · 10/06/2008 11:10

My dad encountered a similar thing when he took DS to the park. two ladies came and sat on the bench watching him like a hawk until DS shouted "papa ..." then he said you could actually see them relax and then they left. He said he felt like he was being watched in case he was doing anything dodgy! He also says he gets similar reactions when he takes DS swimming once a week because he is on his own with him! Was really annoyed that my dad had felt like this when all he was doing was taking his Grandson to play. Mindyou it hasn't put him off.

spicemonster · 10/06/2008 11:11

I would have sworn at her too (although I'm a woman so it probably wouldn't have happened to me). It's ridiculous that people see paedos lurking round every corner and insulting that she accused you of being one.

wannaBe · 10/06/2008 11:11

no I wouldn't either but there would be people who would.

Anyone remember the post from someone who saw a man holding a camera in a hardware store? something to do with the way he carried it he must clearly have been filming the children there (one would have thought he would go to the toy shop for this, no?) so she reported to security and although a lot of people did say she was being paranoid there were also a lot who said that she'd obviously done the right thing and that this man was clearly up to no good.

BibiThree · 10/06/2008 11:11

An elderly neighbour had a v similar thing done to him, but to the point where his house was searched by the police. Almost every afternoon for years he went for a walk with his dog and his paper, stopped on a bench between a field and mountain (sounds odd but this is the valleys, so lots of mountains around), did his crossword, went home.
They build a school on said field, but road, bench and mountain (obviously) remained where they were ... he continued his walk/crossword ritual. Got reported for loitering around a school playground, house got searched, became talk of village, all v distressing for him and his wife.