to tell this nosey mother to shove off?

[theBOD]

long sorry but need an opinion.
i was meant to be playing football with mates and my lectures finished about an hour early. now seeing as i lived about an hours drive from where we were playing it made no sense for me to go home so i decided i'd just drive to the park where we play and do some work(play solitare) on my laptop for the hour and listen to the radio.
so i parked on the road beside the pitches, which also happens to be opposite a playground. after about half an hour some woman came over to me and knocked on my window asking me "what do you think you're doing" and telling me to move as it was "not right" and i was making the parents "nervous".
apparently i should not be parked and on a laptop near children as a man on his own as this obviously in her mind made me some sort of sex predator.
so i told her that what i was doing was none of her business and told her to get away from my car. she then threatened to call the police (she didn't) and get her husband out (which she did).
anyway was i unreasonable to use some very choice words to her and her husband when they came over to me the second time claiming they didn't want trouble and just thought it was best if i left?

"I was recently seeing a man who coaches under 14's football."

i do this as well (coaching football not seeing men) and once again it is one of these things that i reckon certain parents see as fine now as i am young and still play, but reckon in about 15-20 years when 2 decades of an office job will have me looking like i'd never managed to play sport in my life there will be parents eyeing me with suspicion.

"Dad never took the shortcut again "

that last sentence is exactly why i refused to explain myself to this woman and exactly why i refused to move just to make some woman feel more comfortable.

My dad was`nt even allowed to explain if he had wanted to he was branded a perv for being in the shortcut wearing a big coat

What is it coming to?????

Agree theBOD. What made it worse about this guy, was that people had suspicions about him, and he is 24.

I can't resist this.. you are all totally over-reacting DM style.

This is real life.

OP there's no comparison on the prositute thing and if you think about it you'll know it.

Yes my dh has been accosted and he's not a weirdo. No he hasn't taken it home and got infuriated about it.

Get some perspective.

What should this woman have done? If worried, YES she has the right to approach him, then when he refused/explained/whatever should have said -- OK I get you but I'm keeping an eye out and I've got your registration number.

What should he have done? Said OK if you're still worried whatever, I think you're over-reacting.

Not start swearing and abuse.

No I'm not a saint, yes it's sad we're all worried about it, lets all go back to when we didn't know about it and didn't have to worry. Ignorance is bliss.

Message withdrawn

Sorry - will rephrase that.

He is a 24yo ex-pro footballer, and 'retired' due to injury. He went to university, did a teaching degree. He funded this by coaching for the team he used to play for, and now he is a qualified teacher and working as one, he still does the coaching in his spare time.

And people still cast aspersions over him.

Sad.

It is so sad for these guys. I see lots of men on our little walks. Loads of them talk to the girls, but quite a few ask me if I mind. It's such a shame that people are scared to talk to children even with parents present.
I helped a little girl who was lost in a supermarket a couple of months back. Poor little thing was sobbing her heart out, as a mom my overriding urge was to give her a cuddle. Even as a woman I knew I couldn't do that.

Aubergine - are you joking? you think we are reacting DM style?

So, you honestly think all men should be willing to be accosted and not be bothered by it because it is 'real life'?

Get real.

I suppose you also think men working with children should be stopped, just in case. In fact, lets revert to traditional roles, and not let men have much to do with the kids at all.

Because there's a reason why people are worried about men on their own hanging around near playgrounds. People are worried about their children and sexual abuse. That is a serious worry. It happens (if you think it doesn't, stop reading now). That is a good enough reason for a man to understand that it strikes at the heart of a parents' deepest fears. The prostitute thing doesn't carry any of that baggage. Anyway if somebody did think I was a prostitute I would be extremely concerned about my own demenour and clothing.

Why was she worried though aubergine. The fact that she was and instead of smacking herself very hard on the side of the head until she saw sense, she took it upon herself to behave in a DM style and accost an innocent man. Why should he have had to jsutify himself for sitting in his car. It is not an offence in any way shape or form.

No, it's great to have men as primary school teachers, scout leaders and so on as so many children nowadays need positive male role models at a young age. Slightly off the op though.

Was he unreasonable to shout and swear at this woman? Yes, with knobs on.

Yes I do think you are reacting DM style. Completely -- it's just a knee jerk reaction.

I do live in the real world.

Morning paper, panorama.

I do agree about the shouting and swearing. Not a good idea. But I still think she was being ridiculous.

Whats the difference of a man hanging around a playground than a woman

Myra Hindley ,Rose West to name a few

Get over yourself stuffedaubergine

If my kids needed help and i was`nt there to help I would except a passer by to help male or female

So if you saw a man sitting in his car you would go over and ask him to leave?

And you don't think that is an over-reaction DM style?

"Not start swearing and abuse"

sorry but as i said before i didn't immediately greet her with a tirade. i informed her that it was absolutely none of her business what i was doing. it was only after she threatened to call the police on me and came back out with her husband that i eventually swore at her. and as i said before i wish i hadn't cursed at her, but personally i saw her fetching her husband as an act of aggression and the way in which he confronted me it definitely was, because they both obviously thought that an older male presence would intimidate me into backing down.

Stuffed. Yes it does happen but you take reasonable precautions which include not letting your child go off with a stranger.

A man hnging around a playground can not do ANY harm to a child unless he were to sudddenly exposee himself (and he could just as likely do that in a shopping centre or at a sports match)

People should be more worried about close male relatives as it is those people who are more likely to abuse than a stranger.

Ans don't think I think it doesn;t happen, I already said I know someone who was jailed.

YANBU.

Orm, she was worried because she thought 'I wonder how a child abuser would behave near a park if he wanted to look at children?' and decided that he may well sit in a car and look at a laptop. She of course was way off and maybe should have just insured the 'suspect' man was kept a close eye on.

"Because there's a reason why people are worried about men on their own hanging around near playgrounds." oh yes, there is. The reason is that the media seem to have this need to tell us all that paedos are lurking around every corner waiting to pounce on our children.

I presume that you do not allow your dh anywhere near your children and that you have made it clear to him that you think he's probably a paedophile? given that there's aar more chance of your dh abusing your children than some stranger off the street.

I think (at least I think that I think, I may change my mind) that yes, TheBod was obviously doing something quite innocent and had a perfectly logical reason for being sat in his car outside a kids' playground.

However... this woman did not know that, and rightly or wrongly, she jumped to a quite nasty conclusion.

TheBod, would it have killed you to have said to this woman "oh, I see what you mean, I never thought about it, I just happen to be early for a game of footie so I thought I'd play solitaire get some work done while I wait!"?

I totally understand that you shouldn't have to justify yourself to this woman, but if you had have done, she would have gone away happy, you would have been a bit disgruntled, but not overly upset and everything would have been quite calm and controlled. Instead, you swore at her, she got her husband, was on the verge of calling the police, and you are now mightily pissed of at practically being called a paedophile.

So, yes, she was being totally unreasonable, but in your handling of the situation, I think you were a bit too.

Men are a lot more likely to do this than women. How many women are jailed for internet porn? How many women are jailed for downloading images and putting kids heads on them and circulating them around the world? Are you serious?

Get over myself? What are you on about? I came back to respond to points people put to me -- I'll go away again if you like.

If a saw a bloke in a car next to a playground with a laptop I would go and talk to him. If he was a pervert I would expect him to drive away quickly. If he had an explanation I would keep an eye. And that would be that.

"People are worried about their children and sexual abuse. That is a serious worry. It happens .That is a good enough reason for a man to understand that it strikes at the heart of a parents' deepest fears. "

well statistically there is a far greater danger of her children being abused by her husband than a male in my age and demographic. so was the right thing for me to do call social services and report this man for being a child abusing paedophile. i mean surely him and his wife would understand that there is a very good reason for me to be scared of this seeing as they believe their child to be vulnerable to sexual abuse.

why should he have to explain himself??
he is sitting there minding his own business. as far as I know there is no law against that.
don't balme hime for swearing either. maybe the woman will think twice next time.

Squonk - he only swore at her after she got her husband and threatened to call the police.

I don't understand why he should have to say 'oh, I see what you mean'. Why should he see what she means? What she 'means', is ridiculous.