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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell this nosey mother to shove off?

351 replies

theBOD · 10/06/2008 10:49

long sorry but need an opinion.
i was meant to be playing football with mates and my lectures finished about an hour early. now seeing as i lived about an hours drive from where we were playing it made no sense for me to go home so i decided i'd just drive to the park where we play and do some work(play solitare) on my laptop for the hour and listen to the radio.
so i parked on the road beside the pitches, which also happens to be opposite a playground. after about half an hour some woman came over to me and knocked on my window asking me "what do you think you're doing" and telling me to move as it was "not right" and i was making the parents "nervous".
apparently i should not be parked and on a laptop near children as a man on his own as this obviously in her mind made me some sort of sex predator.
so i told her that what i was doing was none of her business and told her to get away from my car. she then threatened to call the police (she didn't) and get her husband out (which she did).
anyway was i unreasonable to use some very choice words to her and her husband when they came over to me the second time claiming they didn't want trouble and just thought it was best if i left?

OP posts:
2shoes · 10/06/2008 11:27

just read the op(so I give my honest opinion)
YANBU
men have just as much right on this earth and the woman should get a grip.

ranting · 10/06/2008 11:28

I don't think yabu, I'd have sworn at her too.
It wouldn't even occur to me to think that about a man in a park tbh and since when did it become a crime to sit in a park if you don't have kids? It's a public space, I'd have told her to go right ahead and call the police.

Oliveoil · 10/06/2008 11:29

I was in the park yesterday with dd2 and a man was on the bench reading his book

I smiled at him as I passed and he said "I am with my grandaughter" and pointed at a little girl

his first thought was obviously "oh, she must think I am a weirdo" which I find quite sad tbh that he had to justify why he was sat on a bench in the park reading a book by the play area. Obviously as a man he was a perv waiting to pounce

YANBU at all

DaDaDa · 10/06/2008 11:30

YANBU. Ludicrous.

Original poster
theBOD · 10/06/2008 11:31

"Got reported for loitering around a school playground, house got searched, became talk of village, all v distressing for him and his wife"

and this is why i probably would have swallowed my principles and left sharpish if she had called the police because A) it's not worth the hassle and B) mud sticks in this day and age so coming onto the polices radar for anything like this is just bad news.

"You should have understood how she felt and been nice about it."
so you would act with absolute decorum to someone presuming you were a criminal?
what if the police came up to you and questioned you about being a prostitute if you were standing on the road at night trying to hail a taxi or catch a bus? would you greet them with a smile and say "oh i completely understand.a woman out walking the streets at night must be a prostitute.you did the right thing in being suspicious of me"

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 10/06/2008 11:31

There is a supply teacher that comes to our school regularly - teaches all classes and all the children seem to like him. He appeared one morning instead of the usual reception teacher - the mother next to me said 'oh dear, we've got the pervert today'. Women next to her asked her what she meant and her reply was' Well it's a bit weird isn't it. A man teaching the really little ones'. And this woman is one of the class room assistants. I despair...

Twelvelegs · 10/06/2008 11:31

I watched a docu' where the local high st of a suburb of Bristol (?) had paedophiles taking photos of kids and in the local park, as well as one of the shopping malls. Whether we like it or not there are loads of halfway houses not doing their jobs in containing offenders. We are more paranoid because material is more easily accessible and networks for paedophiles to find their desires normalised and so the next step beyond voyuerism is an easier leap.
Parents cannot 'unknow' the knowledge they have and can't ignore it. I don't hold my child's hand accross a road because it is very likely he/she will be run over, I do it because there is a risk.

prettybird · 10/06/2008 11:33

YANBU. You only used choice words on the second occasion. Personally (and I'm female, not male) I'd probably have explaned pleasantly why I was there on the first occasion, but I can see why you didn't feel the need to "justify" yourslef. Like others, I found our obession with paedophiles on every corner and al men to be deemed unstrustworthy very and - espcailly since, as others have said, most abuse happens within the home.

You know what - my dh, and most of the men I know - like children - because they are fathers. Is there anything wrong with enjoying watching children playing? I know dh and I did long before we had children ourselves. (There is a place in Glasgow called Princes Squre, where the kids play on the mosaic: lots of people just watch 'cos it is lovely to see kids being happy)

DaDaDa · 10/06/2008 11:33

OrmIrian, that is absolutely outrageous.

2shoes · 10/06/2008 11:35

what a bizare situation
when men have to be careful where they go, just incase somone gets paranoid.

OrmIrian · 10/06/2008 11:35

Yes it is. And I did wonder if I needed to say something to the usual teacher about it. It's such a dangerous rumour to start. Poor bloke.

Twelvelegs · 10/06/2008 11:35

People should keep irrational thoughts to themselves in the case of the teaching assistant.

ranting · 10/06/2008 11:35

Oh fgs, they are far more likely to be harmed by a motorist or in a car accident than be abducted by a stranger, in fact abduction figures have not increased in the last 35 years!! In actual fact children are more in danger of abuse from members of their own family, may aswell hang your husband then! Honestly.

Original poster
theBOD · 10/06/2008 11:37

"most of the men I know - like children - because they are fathers"

pretty much everyone i know likes children. and for the most part if we are out and about and an inqusitive child comes up to us we have a laugh with them or let them kick about the football. and 99% of parents are delighted to see people interact with their children and their children have fun (much like the mother of a child i entertained with my touch screen nintendo ds for 3 hours on a flight, she bought me a beer in fact after for letting her get some sleep.)
but i can't help but worry that people only enjoy our joking around with their kids because we are still relatively young (22/23 for the most part) so they think we are just friendly sudents. i fear for the day when my being nice to a random child who comes over and says hi to me is viewed with suspicion because i am over 35/40

OP posts:
2shoes · 10/06/2008 11:39

thBod sad thought isn't it.

Tortington · 10/06/2008 11:43

i dont like children and i am a mother- not quite sure what that has to do with the prce of eggs.

the woman was a stupid thick bitch who if shehad genuine concerns rather than some daily mirr hype - should have called the Police.

why should you have to explain yourself

the world is mad

islandofsodor · 10/06/2008 11:44

I find this thread incredibly sad.

Despite the fact that a seemingly lovely bloke we met at a wedding who got on well with our kids was later jailed for internet child porn I don't think this is a valid reason to assume every male I meet is a potential abuser.

DirtySexyMummy · 10/06/2008 11:45

I was recently seeing a man who is a teacher and also coaches under 14's football.

I was telling a girl I know about him, and she said 'he teaches kids and under 14's football? I wouldn't go out with him, he is probably a paedo'

Sanctuary · 10/06/2008 11:45

A few years ago my dad was walking round to our house for his lunch to take the short cut he had to walk through a piece of woodland.
It was raining and he was wearing a big coat and a cap (big deal)

Except their was a woman with a child also walking through the woodland when she saw my dad she picked up her kids ran past him shouting perv

Dad was really distraught when he got to ours .He had done nothing wrong he had taken a shortcut along a path through the wood like many people do

How DARE this woman think he was anything but a man taking a shortcut like herself

Dad never took the shortcut again

prettybird · 10/06/2008 11:52

My SIL is about the get married to the guy who was/is her son's Scout leader. A single guy in his 30s, never married. Should she have avoided him on the basis that "there must be something suss"?

You couldn't meet a niccer guy - he is the best thng that ever happened to SIL and her ds and dd 0 and she now has a ds2 with him.

Now her ex-h on the other hand.....

Chequers · 10/06/2008 11:55

Message withdrawn

squinny101 · 10/06/2008 11:58

A golfing 'mate' of my dad's who he had known for about five years turned out to be a paedophile. He raped a girl of 13 and was also grooming girls on the internet.

My dad was absolutely devastated, he felt that he had let us down by knowing this guy. Even though he was someone that he had just played golf with a few times. He felt that he had put our children in danger even though this man had never even met them.

My dad felt like he would be tarnished with the same brush. We had to really help him get through it.

People in this country are paranoid. I know there are reasons behind it but you can't just go round accusing people in the street.

Its very sad.

morningpaper · 10/06/2008 11:59

I watched a docu' where the local high st of a suburb of Bristol (?) had paedophiles taking photos of kids and in the local park

what programme was this

windygalestoday · 10/06/2008 11:59

whats really sad is that i was in a shop and my dh called me he was waiting outside and said get here quick i rushed outside to where he was waiting to see a little girl lost and crying and noone was helping her - dh was afraid to approach her

minster · 10/06/2008 12:00

I can't believe people have said you were being unreasonable - what a fucked up country we live in. Imagine how different things could be if people put a fraction of the energy they expend being idiotic paranoid into some activity more beneficial for society as a whole.