To think that if we’re making all this money but not showing it off… what’s the point?

[TheTaupeMoose]

I’m not saying you have to be tacky but I do sometimes wonder if we work this hard, earn more, level up and still don’t celebrate it or show it in any way… what’s the point? There’s this modern guilt around “boasting” or “showing off,” especially online but honestly, why shouldn’t people wear the designer bag, post the trip or drive the nice car if they earned it? You get told to hustle but then shamed for enjoying the results.

I get that quiet wealth is a thing. But sometimes, I think the visibility is part of the reward. Especially if you come from a background where having anything at all once felt impossible.

AIBU to think that maybe showing off a little isn’t shallow, maybe it’s the point?

Some rich people are stupid and sellers will create overpriced products just because they know that rich people will buy it just because it’s expensive.

When I see someone with a handbag that costs thousands which was probably made in the same factory as a £20 then I don’t admire them, I think they’re idiots.

There was a baby grow in Harrods that cost £1000 and it was sold out.
These rich people are getting absolutely laughed at because they are mugs.

Same with nice cars.
I would absolutely have such a nice car but to a point - a middle aged man in a sorts car can often just look a bit of a tit.

By all means buy nice things but if I was rich I would prefer to shop at independent, local stores and get unique things, rather than the latest fad which people only buy just to show that they are rich.

The people I know who are rich but happy are the ones who prioritise family time, going on holiday, eating good food etc. I find the wealthy people who are less happy or trying to prove something but things so that other people can see their wealth/status.

Famous people are a prime example of this.
You get rappers wearing gold jewellery and flaunting the cash as it represents their wealth and status but a truly wealthy person does the opposite.

A fool and his money are soon parted

I couldn’t agree less - this is the most materialistic label focused time to be alive.

We could all do with focusing on values rather than stuff a bit more

You say ‘post the trip’ rather than ‘go on the trip’. This suggests that your priority isn’t the actual travel but telling other people about the actual travel.

I mean, I have absolutely no issue with having money and spending it on things I enjoy without apology — those things, while visible, are not designer bags or cars, though. That to me implies a real poverty of imagination, that this is what comes to mind when you think of money.

I’ve spent money on all kinds of things — renovating a beautiful, neglected old house, terracing the garden, buying plants and trees, travelling, opera tickets, handmade walnut and cherrywood bookshelves, lovely clothes, art, taking a career break to work on a creative project, renting a lovely house for a holiday etc etc. As long as you’re spending money on things you enjoy, why does it bother you whether other people approve?

I find that people who have a lot of money rarely discuss it, except to maybe flag up AVOIOS, cruise deals. Otherwise it is just not discussed. Other, more popular topics include children, pets, cooking, hobbies, sadly health. It honestly is not a priority. Maybe holiday tips. It is more real life matters we talk about, we all know x is loaded, but hardly the point when his wife has just been diagnosed with early onset dementia

For some people, especially those who grew up without much, enjoying money outwardly is part of the pleasure and the meaning.

Ask yourself why this is?

Usually it stems from a firm belief that other people should, or will, be impressed by wealth and that it is something to be proud of.

However, english culture doesn't really value this, so in reality people actually aren't really impressed! We value other things far more - your behaviour, manners, kindness, adherence to certain moral codes etc.

People are more likely to notice your dog than your designer coat, expensive car or gold jewellery.

it’s about celebration

Most english people i know do not see wealth as something worthy of celebration.

Why do you think this is a "modern guilt", @TheTaupeMoose?

The British upper classes always sneered at the vulgarity of the ostentatious "nouveau riche" and the lower classes looked down on showing off or bragging, it's definitely not a new thing!

Yeah, honestly. Unless I am in somewhere like Harrods or the Ritz, if someone is just walking along with a Chanel logo top or a Louis Vuitton bag, I'd assume it's fake, especially if someone's on the bus or Tube........🤣

Every post you make is prefaced with details of how tremendously rich you are. You're as new money as they come "hun". Better just accept it and pray for the next generation.

I see my money (after basic needs) is to do what I want to do and have things I want to have. I can’t see what showing it off would add for me - do you spend a lot of time thinking about how others see you?

One of my child’s friends always got bought ‘designer’ trainers for their birthday. Think Gucci etc. Their parents weren’t at all wealthy. The wealthy parents would never dream of doing anything as vulgar and somehow found somewhere to buy trainers with no logo at all for their kid. The Gucci trainers were the butt of jokes for ages.

Exactly... the telltale "it's not about this, it's about that" phrasing gives it away.

We're quite well off. I don't have any interest in designer stuff and don't post on social media very often. I don't tend to talk about it as we don't have many friends in the same position as us and I don't want to make other people feel bad or uncomfortable. We spend lots of holidays because they are wonderful, DD has been to lots of countries and adapts well to travel. We also spend a lot on her activities. We have two electric cars. I still buy from vinted because I think it is more ecological. I spend my money on clothes from ethical and sustainable brands because that's more important to me than a label. I spend more on vegan skincare and buy things in glass containers rather than plastic

I guess what I'm saying is money gives you choices. You can choose to show off (tacky) and focus on others perceptions of you if that is what you think is important.

I didn't grow up with much. I see people visibly enjoying, theatre, concerts, great food and much of that isnt' cheap. Do I care if someone on the tube has a designer handbag? No, I wouldn't even notice. I do think its cheap to show off wealth with big labels etc just so tacky.

I've never seen what the point is, which is why, beyond meeting my simple needs, I don't care about money and am not impressed by the having of it.

I’ve just come into some money , and we already have a good income but it hasn’t always been like this. I’ve been at rock bottom ,struggled and we worked really hard while our kids were growing up , didn’t have anything nice for ourselves, kids were clothed but not much else. Husband worked his way up his company, long hours , sometimes not getting in until 11pm so we could pay the mortgage on a tatty house . Gradually life started to improve . I’m 60 now and all of a sudden we can move to a nice house and have a very good lifestyle , if I want a designer bag I can have one, (I have one 😂) have no debt , but you know what…., although I’m going to buy some nice furniture, clothes etc , I’m trying to keep as low profile as I can as showing it off when I have friends still struggling doesn't sit well with me at all . Money can go in an instant ,
it should be appreciated , I’d be happier my friends think of me as a nice kind person who would be there for them , rather than a rich friend who likes to show off what she’s got . I’d rather have my lovely genuine friends who are pleased for me thanks

I think that’s fairly unusual to be fair. And is the opposite to the op. Who is also fairly unusual, although as said earlier I don’t think the op is wealthy person by a long way, I think it’s someone who can afford a bit more than her parents did and wants nice things and to show them off.

But in relation to your post, many of us want security for ourselves, , security for our children but also more from life than our basic needs for survival met. To live comfortably, We want to live in a home we enjoy, to live in warmth and comfort, have experiences, be it theatre, music, meals out, to travel and experience the world; to travel and show our kids the world, and money allows us to do this, to have this.

im not impressed by money, likely as I now have it, and when I was young and poor with parents on benefits, I still wasn’t impressed by it , but I couldn’t understand how people had it, why my friends all,lived differently to us.

Nice houses, with nice furniture, and sweets for the kids, lots of toys, nice clothes, holidays. My young mind couldn’t understand why my parents lived in a run down council flat, could barely afford to feed us, a sandwich for dinner, and my clothes and shoes were all old and done in. But my basic needs were indeed met. I was fed, clothed and had a roof over my head, even though the council and government provided all of it. And now as a grown up. I sure as hell want more from life than my basic needs met, as I had that, and it was fairly shite.

@TheTaupeMoose YABU. The "point" is to enjoy your wealth, not show it off (in fact, to do so overtly to people who may not be as financially comfortable as you would be positively crass). Sometimes, of course, the two may go hand-in-hand - if you have some expensive, beautiful possessions people may notice, but there's no need for you to explicitly draw attention to them.

I don't think there's anything wrong with having nice things and enjoying the spoils of your success. I wouldn't think twice about buying a nice bag or a nice car that I wanted because of what others would think. But at the same time, I don't think most people, including OP, mean that they are buying things to show off just that some success is quite visible. People talk a lot about quiet wealth but tbh it is hard to hide wealth - if you have a big house in a nice area, people know you're wealthy. I think key is just not to rub other people's faces in it and to talk about finances sensitively depending on the company you're in.

Depends on how much money you have I guess. I’m also putting my 4 children through university and they have all received/will receive way more than 100k at 18. I retired at 48 but I’ve also chosen to have a small fleet of cars to play with. 🤷‍♂️

But surely this depends on what showing off means.
If you had a lovely meal with your family, went on a memorable holiday, doesn’t it count if it wasn’t on SM.
If you have wealth and you want to make the most of it, absolutely do so. I don’t know why this needs to be on social media though.

Disagree with the op entirely!!
I’m not a millionaire but Dh and I have well paid jobs and aside from our savings and making provisions for our kids futures we do spend a lot. As it’s for our benefit I don’t feel the need to show it off - I benefit directly.
I mean saying that I did send my mum a photo of the beach a few weeks ago because it was beautiful and there was a turtle in the sea which i knew she would love but other than that I don’t think anyone (besides colleagues and our families) who knew we were on holiday. I certainly didn’t Instagram any of it!
Showing off is just looking for approval really. I don’t need anyone’s approval, I’m quite secure in myself and don’t want the intrusion of others judging my choice in decor, car, handbag, anything.

I think the OP put it a bit crassly, but she is right!

Most people like to signify their wealth, it’s just that old money does it more subtly. It’s the Montblanc pen they illustrate something with, the Omega or Rolex watch, the cufflinks and the Church or the Crockett and Jones shoes (obviously I am talking men here) etc.

And maybe not a brand new car, but certainly a good make.

It is about compromise, saving enough, investing enough , but also enjoying your money a little.

Look at the way luxury brands advertise, it is generally less about function and a lot more about image. We all like to project a certain image. If that weren’t so, adverts would look a lot different!

Maybe you misunderstood, but few of them do that to show off, they do it as they like those things and can afford it.