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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

2 nights staying over is enough!

154 replies

Anonymous2211 · 07/12/2025 18:38

I'd like to get a general vibe of how many nights you can have people staying over at your house before you just want your space back!. I'm a private person, my social battery drops off a cliff by the second evening so I am considering having a 2 night rule. My husband doesn't agree (because it suits him to not set boundaries plus its his side of the family that stay as they have to travel 1.5 hours to get to us). For my particular situation, I have a small house and this puts one of my children out of their bed which really stresses me out. They are OK on the sofa or air bed but again, more than 2 nights I find really overwhelming and not fair. You also can't relax in the evening as I have to make the sofa or air bed and leave the lounge so they can sleep.(no space in bedrooms for air bed) It just really affects house dynamics and causes me so much work! Typically every 6-10 weeks. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
SilverPink · 07/12/2025 18:40

Personally 0 nights for me 😆 I can’t remember the last time we had anyone staying over (not counting the kids friends, who stay over regularly, but doesn’t affect me)

bigboykitty · 07/12/2025 18:41

1.5 hours? Do they need to stay at all?

Nevermind17 · 07/12/2025 18:43

Bloody hell. I have relatives that I visit fortnightly who live 1.5 hrs drive away and I go there and back in a day. I certainly wouldn’t need 3 nights to recover from the arduous journey! Your DH is BU.

Fdsew · 07/12/2025 18:44

Nope, for a distance of 90 minutes, 3 nights?
Not a chance.
We travel that distance back an forth, no staying over.
Putting a child out of their bed on a regular basis for more than one night is definitely not something I would do.
Certainly not for a 90 minute distance.
Your poor child. Stand up to your husband.

RealEagle · 07/12/2025 18:48

1.5 hours ,takes me that to get home from work some days.

SlowSloths · 07/12/2025 18:49

Some people's daily commute to work is that long.

Perfectly fine to have limits, especially when someone is being kicked out of their own bed to accommodate. However, if this is happening every 6-10 weeks then I would put a stop to it being so frequent.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 07/12/2025 18:53

Heck no! My mum drives 2-2.5 hours when she visits me each way and doesn't need to stay.

When my sister died my mum stayed at mine for almost a month and it was really hard. No privacy, couldn't relax and watch TV, always felt like we had to entertain her. It was a hard time for everyone and tbh I needed my space to grieve and instead I didn't have it. I know my mum was devastated too, but it started to feel intrusive and my mum and I aren't exactly close.

I reckon 2 nights is a good number if you want to set the boundary.

HoppityBun · 07/12/2025 18:56

1.5 hrs is nothing!

GeorgeTheFirst · 07/12/2025 18:58

My parents are 1.5 hours away. We go for lunch!

Original poster
Anonymous2211 · 07/12/2025 18:59

I knew I'd get a mix of replies and in reality I've made up my mind to limit the frequency and length of all this as I don't enjoy it the extra work that it puts on me. My teenager doesn't mind sleeping in the lounge as when they have friends over they do air beds in the lounge anyway but it's not the point really, its the expectation that its no problem and the fact that I get no rest and then straight back to work.

OP posts:
DappledThings · 07/12/2025 18:59

My parents come for at least 4 nights. It's a 5-6 hour drive for them. Everyone is welcome here for at least that long.

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 07/12/2025 18:59

Definitely enough nights, for a 1.5 hour journey I wouldn’t expect any more

ADHDdiagnosis · 07/12/2025 18:59

How would you enforce this? I’m curious.

I think you’re completely right- and actually two night is more generous than I would want to be. But I’m genuinely interested in how you could go about stating this new rule?

Goditsmemargaret · 07/12/2025 19:02

Nope. My brother and his family live 4.5 hours away. I have visited multiple times over the years, even used to arrive on three modes of public transport taking seven hours and I never stayed more than two nights. Sometimes I stayed in a guest house if it wasn't convenient. I really can't imagine them handing over their sitting room.

Maryberrysbouffant · 07/12/2025 19:03

Ha, I’m with you.

We have our adult dc coming for a week for Christmas and as much as I adore them (and their partners) I know I will be going insane after a few days. DH just gets on with his life as normal, disappears upstairs to read/nap but I feel like I have to be constantly “available”. It’s exhausting.

snoopythebeagle · 07/12/2025 19:05

I don't like anybody staying overnight.

Luckily we don't have the space for people to stay, which is perfect Grin

roseymoira · 07/12/2025 19:10

Your DH should be putting in the work to facilitate his family visiting

AwkwardPaws27 · 07/12/2025 19:14

ADHDdiagnosis · 07/12/2025 18:59

How would you enforce this? I’m curious.

I think you’re completely right- and actually two night is more generous than I would want to be. But I’m genuinely interested in how you could go about stating this new rule?

I'd say "DC is getting older now and really needs their own space and a good night's sleep before school; they don't mind the odd night on the sofa over a weekend but more than two nights in a row wouldn't be fair on them going forward. I'm sure you understand".

And if they don't understand, I wouldn't want them in my house anyway Grin

SilverPink · 07/12/2025 19:15

I would start disappearing upstairs earlier than your husband at night, so either he’s left dealing with the beds, or his family. Sit and chill in bed and leave them all to it. I’d also be limiting their visits to 2/3 times a year max

TomatoSandwiches · 07/12/2025 19:17

Your house is not big enough for more than 2 nights tbh and 1.5 hours is really not that long for a visit.
I wouldn't even have someone stay at my home I would rather pay for a hotel room if they insisted and we never physically impose on other we visit, always book a room nearby.
If you husband wants to see them he can go visit them for the weekend instead.

chocolateychurros · 07/12/2025 19:18

Ugh 2 nights is mooooore than enough. I’m the same OP.
1.5 hours isn’t even that far, 1 night can even be enough.

Luckyingame · 07/12/2025 19:46

None, none at all.

Maybe once in 20 years it was my husband's son and then partner (now a daughter in law).

Trotula · 07/12/2025 20:07

You say you have a small house and his relatives’ visits puts one of your children out of their bed, are they also your husband’s child or has he moved into your house and is now using it as a regular hotel for his relatives? If so, what was his set up before he met you?

SereneGoose · 07/12/2025 20:09

AIBU to have become obsessed with AIBU posts? Literally having chats,with self, about every micro event in rl and whether it warrants an AIBU post...(for context..brand new to MN ..no kids, absolutely no reason to even be here)

letshavetea · 07/12/2025 20:15

Agree with @roseymoira -your DP should
put in the extra work of making up
and stripping beds, extra shopping, cooking etc.
Also reduce the frequency of Visits.