Page 6 | 2 nights staying over is enough!

winnieanddaisy · 09/12/2025 14:52

I don’t see wh they need to stay more than one night. They could drive up Christmas morning early. Eat drink and be merry . Stay the night and leave the following afternoon when they have sobered up .
my son and his family used to live a 2 hot drive from us . We both worked shifts but if we were both on an early we would get home about 3.15 and thought nothing of driving to see the family , get a takeaway for all of us and after a cup of tea and a natter we would drive home again . We would do that about once a month .

Original poster

Anonymous2211 · 09/12/2025 15:44

Dizzybet74 · 08/12/2025 19:32

The in-laws always stay 3n and it's too much, especially as they are just physically always just in the house and in the way. They never go out and do stuff.

This is another painfully awkward part of the story, sitting on the sofa, barely engaging. No suggestions or enthusiasm, it's painfully limiting.

OP posts:

TreeDudette · 09/12/2025 15:46

0 nights. 1.5hrs is easily drivable...

Chazbots · 09/12/2025 15:47

I drive more than that to go clean at my mum's...

DeanStockwell · 09/12/2025 15:51

RealEagle · 07/12/2025 18:48

1.5 hours ,takes me that to get home from work some days.

Yep me too , and I bet lots of other people are the same.

@Anonymous2211 There is no way I'd have someone stay for 2 nights on such a regular basis.
If it was only once or twice a year then I'd ( sort of ) be ok with it.

I guess if they want a few drinks and don't want to / can't get public transport home I can see why they'd want to stay one night but in the morning they'd get a brew and toast then shown the door at my house.
Even then every 6 weeks is to much .

ChristmasinBrighton · 09/12/2025 15:51

Can you explain why they need to stay over when they only live 90 minutes away?

Toddlerteaplease · 09/12/2025 15:59

My parents are lovely, but they are staying for 5 nights this week! My house is tiny. I much prefer staying with them as they have more space.

Original poster

Anonymous2211 · 09/12/2025 16:01

Exactly, it's family politics I suppose or lack of a back bone. This has all come about as my husband will just roll over for an easy life, even if it makes me inconvenienced and stressed.
I've read enough on this thread to see that it's completely bonkers allowing this.
The real issue is that this is his parent and its alot easier to allow me to be stressed than him face the stress of telling them no, so now I have to.

OP posts:

Fontet · 09/12/2025 16:03

I live 3 hours away from my daughter and have driven there and back on the same day many times. Certainly not ideal but less stress on both sides for sure. X

Disturbia81 · 09/12/2025 16:05

1 is my limit, my social battery is gone a few hours after people arrive 😂
I’m socially at my best with short and sweet visits when I can leave on a high.

Disturbia81 · 09/12/2025 16:06

Anonymous2211 · 09/12/2025 15:44

This is another painfully awkward part of the story, sitting on the sofa, barely engaging. No suggestions or enthusiasm, it's painfully limiting.

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This is even worse. Just sitting there for days!

Redpeach · 09/12/2025 16:09

Isn't there some famous quote about fish and friends smelling after 3 days

Original poster

Anonymous2211 · 09/12/2025 16:12

Disturbia81 · 09/12/2025 16:06

This is even worse. Just sitting there for days!

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We do get up and get out but it's always off of my steam which just adds to the pressure of frequent entertaining, it's hard to plan things that everyone will be interested in and that is affordable.

OP posts:

Firefly100 · 09/12/2025 16:12

If your husband won’t listen, for the next couple of times she comes to stay, I’d arrange to go away for the weekend to visit friends or family. He can do the work of setting up the beds and entertaining his relative. Let’s see how he feels about it then.

HandmadeNanna · 09/12/2025 17:09

Anonymous2211 · 07/12/2025 18:38

I'd like to get a general vibe of how many nights you can have people staying over at your house before you just want your space back!. I'm a private person, my social battery drops off a cliff by the second evening so I am considering having a 2 night rule. My husband doesn't agree (because it suits him to not set boundaries plus its his side of the family that stay as they have to travel 1.5 hours to get to us). For my particular situation, I have a small house and this puts one of my children out of their bed which really stresses me out. They are OK on the sofa or air bed but again, more than 2 nights I find really overwhelming and not fair. You also can't relax in the evening as I have to make the sofa or air bed and leave the lounge so they can sleep.(no space in bedrooms for air bed) It just really affects house dynamics and causes me so much work! Typically every 6-10 weeks. Any thoughts?

Why would someone who lives only 90 minutes away need to stay over more than one night? Just asking.

Femalefootyfan · 09/12/2025 17:40

Maximum three nights generally but will stretch to four for my DM as she’s alone at her house and it’s nice for her to be with family and have company.

I do the extra work involved as I really don’t mind doing it and I like to ensure the niceties are in her room to help her be comfortable. That said, I do the same for other guests we have, which isn’t often anyway so it’s not a hardship to get on and do it.

whitewinefriday · 09/12/2025 17:57

Anonymous2211 · 09/12/2025 16:01

Exactly, it's family politics I suppose or lack of a back bone. This has all come about as my husband will just roll over for an easy life, even if it makes me inconvenienced and stressed.
I've read enough on this thread to see that it's completely bonkers allowing this.
The real issue is that this is his parent and its alot easier to allow me to be stressed than him face the stress of telling them no, so now I have to.

Yes sadly he would rather upset you than grow a pair and stand up to his relatives. It’s a common problem

TomatoSandwiches · 09/12/2025 19:57

I would be ignoring them and going out to do my own thing, I wouldn't be facilitating a single thing to help keep this arrangement going at all, nothing.

View them as your husbands guest op, he has to deal with them and the work involved. Would he ever take on work for a guest of yours? I think not.

Fdsew · 09/12/2025 22:57

When women take themselves off and leave their selfish husbands to it, it tends to get resolved.
Take off to bisit your family and leave him to it all.

Chazbots · 10/12/2025 09:11

Yep, my husband agreed to his friend visiting, who then said his other friend would come too.

I left them to it, DH really found hosting tough. We very rarely host but I think it was eye-opening for him, as to how much load I picked up, both socially & food prep.

Something to do, perhaps not at Christmas tho.

Fdsew · 10/12/2025 10:57

Chazbots · 10/12/2025 09:11

Yep, my husband agreed to his friend visiting, who then said his other friend would come too.

I left them to it, DH really found hosting tough. We very rarely host but I think it was eye-opening for him, as to how much load I picked up, both socially & food prep.

Something to do, perhaps not at Christmas tho.

My husbands lovely brother is visiting for one night, then two.
I have a long scheduled meet up with a dear friend.
I said crack on, but I expect to be out night one, and have a lazy day the next as I recover and will only be feeding myself, so crack on yourself.
He's already allergic because I usually am host but now I am going to model my lovely SIL who does fxxk all when family visits and leaves it to her husband.😂

CoffeeBeansGalore · 10/12/2025 11:30

You've been a saint so far but time for your "d"h to realise it's worse for him to upset you. Preferably only 1 night, maybe 2 if special circumstances.

The teen does not give up their bed & room.

Visitor sleeps in the lounge & has to get up with the rest of the household. No tiptoeing around. Dh does all setting up/taking down of bed.

Dh preps everything. Extra food shop, sorting the air bed/camp bed.

You preferably arrange to go out, see a friend, take teen somewhere for the day. Dh does all entertaining & you come home to him doing dinner.

Be pleasant, not rude, but whilst they are in your home as dh's guest, he is the one that hosts. You do what you want. Fancy an hour long soak in the bath & early night? Do it. You want a lie in? Carry on. You want to walk the dog alone for 2 hours? On you go.

And from now on leave them in absolutely no doubt that your future does not involve sacrificing yourself to care duties for anyone.

whitewinefriday · 10/12/2025 11:52

Fdsew · 09/12/2025 22:57

When women take themselves off and leave their selfish husbands to it, it tends to get resolved.
Take off to bisit your family and leave him to it all.

Definitely this!

Original poster

Anonymous2211 · 10/12/2025 12:25

CoffeeBeansGalore · 10/12/2025 11:30

You've been a saint so far but time for your "d"h to realise it's worse for him to upset you. Preferably only 1 night, maybe 2 if special circumstances.

The teen does not give up their bed & room.

Visitor sleeps in the lounge & has to get up with the rest of the household. No tiptoeing around. Dh does all setting up/taking down of bed.

Dh preps everything. Extra food shop, sorting the air bed/camp bed.

You preferably arrange to go out, see a friend, take teen somewhere for the day. Dh does all entertaining & you come home to him doing dinner.

Be pleasant, not rude, but whilst they are in your home as dh's guest, he is the one that hosts. You do what you want. Fancy an hour long soak in the bath & early night? Do it. You want a lie in? Carry on. You want to walk the dog alone for 2 hours? On you go.

And from now on leave them in absolutely no doubt that your future does not involve sacrificing yourself to care duties for anyone.

Thank you so much, I love the direct response and even set out issue by issue. I totally agree with all of your points. I need a break from all of this and so will have a total ban for now. Then I will accept one night with the circumstances you've stated above. Time to take away the support that enables this to happen. I'm exhausted

OP posts:

Fdsew · 10/12/2025 12:43

Well done OP.

Remember we teach people how to treat us.
Be clear.
Be unavailable

And as more than one friend of mine told their husband when caring issues arose and they wanted to offload to them...."fxxk around and find out".

They said "your parents, your responsibility, I looked after mine alone, I am not taking on ANYTHING regarding yours"

They absolutely stuck to it.
Men will off load it double quick if they can, evdn nice men.

So a firm unambiguous position, before it ever arises is important.