2 nights staying over is enough!

[Anonymous2211]

I'd like to get a general vibe of how many nights you can have people staying over at your house before you just want your space back!. I'm a private person, my social battery drops off a cliff by the second evening so I am considering having a 2 night rule. My husband doesn't agree (because it suits him to not set boundaries plus its his side of the family that stay as they have to travel 1.5 hours to get to us). For my particular situation, I have a small house and this puts one of my children out of their bed which really stresses me out. They are OK on the sofa or air bed but again, more than 2 nights I find really overwhelming and not fair. You also can't relax in the evening as I have to make the sofa or air bed and leave the lounge so they can sleep.(no space in bedrooms for air bed) It just really affects house dynamics and causes me so much work! Typically every 6-10 weeks. Any thoughts?

OP, when a partner ignores you, forces something on you, tries to line you up as carer for their parent, it speaks to disrespect and bullying in a bad relationship.

Are you bullied?
Is there abuse?
Good husbands do not behave like this.
Have a think because some men are truly awful in the way they try to foist caring duties on their wives.

It has ended two marriages that I know of when it came to light.
I wouldn't allow my children to be put out of their bedroom more than once a year.
It's not fair on them.

Only 1.5hrs away do they need to stay at all? That’s not far. One night should be enough.

I travel 1 hour 45 mins each way every month to visit a family member!

1.5 hours??? Why on earth are they staying over? That's my commute to the office!

One night and even then, only if I know them well and like them a lot! Two nights at a push if there's good reason like elderly parents coming for Christmas day and Boxing day.

We have a fairly big house with first bedroom, 2 bathrooms and a downstairs loo. It would feel even harder to cope with otherwise. I really need my space and quiet time.

Having said that my son's GF is coming for 2 weeks soon but she's "his" guest and they get up late and often go out in the evening so I am not properly hosting so breaks from being in host mode. We are lucky enough to have 2 living rooms - a smartish one which i keep really clean and tidy and one which is more of a "den" used by the kids which can get messy and I don't stress. One of my ground rules for the visit is that husband and I get first dibs on the nicer room and it does not in any event get left messy or dirty.

I was thinking the same...1.5 is not far at all

It depends on the person.

MIL stays for a week but is low maintenance and DH takes time off work to entertain her.

My sister stays a few weeks as she lives far away. I start to get annoyed after a few weeks.

Other people like relatives and friends I can only tolerate one or two nights.

Who is lining you up to be a carer? If this is one of your DH's parents, if anyone is going to care for them, it should be your DH or someone else on his side of the family. It certainly should not be you.

The in-laws always stay 3n and it's too much, especially as they are just physically always just in the house and in the way. They never go out and do stuff.

Honestly? 1 night. After that I'm just permantly fantasising about them leaving. One year I invited my mother to visit before christmas on the 17th, and before I'd even had the chance to discuss details she'd booked train tickets for the 17th to 24th. Which I then had to say no to. I did feel guilty but I've no idea why she thought I'd want her for a full week, I had work and other commitments and plans.

I agree that 1.5hrs travel can very easily be a day trip.

I completely relate to what you're saying OP. I can't do more than 2 nights whether hosting or as a guest. My social battery drains and I like my space return to equilibrium.

Guests are like fish, they go off after three days. Can't remember who said that. It works both ways as well.

I don't like anyone staying over - it's too inconvenient tbh. There is that saying "guests are like fish - on the third day they stink"

Still some people love people staying over so we're all different.. Up to you really - your space xx

When reading I thought it was going to be about a Christmas visit in which case then maybe you could stretch to more than 2 nights...(though I would also want my space back after a couple of nights!).
However, the expectation for guests 2 or more nights every six weeks. Nah.
Especially turfing your kids out their rooms and having blow up beds etc to deal with nightly.
Does your husband help with any of this? If he doesn't see the issue with setting boundaries then I would hope he's putting in the required effort/work to make these arrangements work.
I personally CBA with that so frequently. Also surely your husband knows your limits with your social battery so should be supportive of this.

Reminds me of an old saying "Visitors are like fish - fine for a couple of days then rapidly go off". I've considered getting it framed and hung in the spare room 😂

Reading these posts has made me realize how different my DH and I are. And the rest of my close family.
I love having my married daughters to stay. I love my grownup grandchildren staying. My sister and nieces are always welcome. A week's visit is absolutely fine by me.Obviously I don't have guests every week!That would be too much!

I'm the same @Endorewitch, I like the people in my life and love the cosy feeling of people able to have a drink, chat together, watch a film and not go off into the cold.

BUT... all my lot muck in, they will take the dog out if I need some space

I don’t mind my adult children staying , it’s anybody else .

Why does 1.5 hours mean they have to stay? We have family over from 2.5 hours three times a year and even they dont stay and theyre well aware they'd be more than welcome.
I also drive 70 minutes once a week to see close family and ive never thought about staying

1.5 hours drive is madness to stay over for.

Those asking about why staying over for a short drive do you never invite people or visit others for the weekend? The staying over is the point. I've done the 90 minutes ish drive to friends as a day trip before for a party but also a two night stay when invited for the weekend.

PIL used to be an hour away, we still went to stay with them a few times a year and would stay at least one night.

Zero nights here! If you have a dedicated spare room for guests, great - but beware the cadgers! Do not move your family around for these people. There is no room for them, esp for frequent visits. Send a list of Airbnbs in your area. What, there aren't any? Oh dear, looks like they'll have to resort to popping in for lunch and getting the hell back home the same day.

1.5 hours is nothing!

But in-laws would be a 1 night maximum for me.😂

Friends and family: happy with a week
very close friends or siblings: unlimited. I actually like having people around, just not the in-laws

But for more than 1 night, I would rearrange things a bit or gather in the kitchen instead.

You prefer telling them to go to a hotel, it's a non-issue.

I actually struggle when my partner comes to stay 😂 I absolutely adore the man, and he does a few jobs around the house, mainly mending things I have broken, and I like having him to snuggle into watching the TV and having someone to talk to ..... but I quite like saying goodbye when he goes home.

I spend about 2 days before he comes cleaning, washing, making the house immaculate and buying nice food, working out menus and getting wine and snacks etc, but after a few days I'm always looking forward to getting my bed back. He makes me too hot, and I have realised that a King Size bed really isn't big enough for two adults with a bit of extra timber on!! The day he leaves, I sleep like a baby.

Well done OP - I’d go a step further by agreeing with a PP visitors sleep in the lounge, not your teenage kids.

Your teenagers will likely have long lie ins, and you being awake and downstairs early the next day where your guests are sleeping will mean they have an early start too, which might act as a deterrent 😆

Fuck having guests sleep in my bed or my kids beds - I budge for no-one because I find this weird and uncomfortable.