2 nights staying over is enough!

[Anonymous2211]

I'd like to get a general vibe of how many nights you can have people staying over at your house before you just want your space back!. I'm a private person, my social battery drops off a cliff by the second evening so I am considering having a 2 night rule. My husband doesn't agree (because it suits him to not set boundaries plus its his side of the family that stay as they have to travel 1.5 hours to get to us). For my particular situation, I have a small house and this puts one of my children out of their bed which really stresses me out. They are OK on the sofa or air bed but again, more than 2 nights I find really overwhelming and not fair. You also can't relax in the evening as I have to make the sofa or air bed and leave the lounge so they can sleep.(no space in bedrooms for air bed) It just really affects house dynamics and causes me so much work! Typically every 6-10 weeks. Any thoughts?

Thank you everyone that has commented, it's really reassured me that I am well within my rights to put a stop to this. I put 2 nights up as the maximum that I would entertain but it was pushed and ignored so I will say strictly 1 night. I don't enjoy it and it's totally unnecessary. I have suggested a near by hotel. I think that will be the suggestion on repeat until the message is received.

Tbh, I'd say stay in the lounge, then steel yourself to stay up as late and loud as possible!

1.5 hours??!!! Why do they have to stay after such a short journey? Madness.

I can’t tolerate anyone aside from adult DC (and their partners) staying overnight.

1.5hours away?? Drive there and back in a day!!

It depends on who the guest is. When I lived far from home, my sisters or DM would visit for 5 days, non family x 2, possibly 1.
We had a bigger home then and one child, now we're in a small terrace with 2 children.
I hate staying in other people's homes more than I hate guests staying here.
If I had the choice, I'd rather they visit.

We do 1hr 20 with DD as day trip to see in laws regularly, and have done since she was 2 days old.

When i travel to see my family which is 5-6 hours i tend to stay 3 or 4 nights, but that is only a few times a year.

My dh would absolutely be doing most of the work, and then I’d ask my mum for 3 days and tell my dh to put up the airbed etc and wash and change sheets to prep for her too since it sounds like you have done more than your fair share. (I’d tell my mum she’d be doing me a real favour to come and highlight to dh that family visiting means family visiting to help you get a bit more balance)

I really needed to hear from others that this is too much and im not being mean spirited. It wouldn't actually matter who is visiting, I can't stand the demands it puts on the family and awful as it is to say, it's so limiting and boring.

I totally get this. In our house, DH will comment "but its my sister" however the domestic demands and lack of downtime are the same no matter who the guest is. We just get really bent out of shape (I've got no better way to describe it) when she visits and its so draining.

I'm glad you've decided on your stance OP, but how are you going to enforce it?

My parents live 90 mins away, my sister a bit less, we and they do there and back in a day to see each other all the time. It’s really not that far!

and I am with you on needing space, last Christmas we spent four nights with my husband’s family and I was ready to murder some of them by the end of it. Yes I love them all but humans are annoying and it’s ok to need to decompress!

My sons commute to college is over 90 minutes each way!

Being lined up as a carer!!
No, absolutely no way!! Nip that shit in the bud right now!

I am very social but each person needs a proper bed unless a one off but every few weeks, just no.@Anonymous2211 I have told DH I will never be a carer for his Mother nor can she live with us. My MIL always comes for a week at Christmas, it’s too long but it’s at least a 3 hour journey each way.

DH cleans and gets the spare room ready and gets to deep clean the house exactly what I want basically so I co operate.

Is your DH East or South Asian just where you mentioned sunny climate. I’m mixed and culturally there are more expectations. My Dad who was the East aAsian parent didn’t want to relocate counties so I dodged him living with us but he was a lovely chap and the only one of the 4 parents who was totally tolerable and who I could ever have lived with.

1 night is too much for me, and I like them gone in the morning 😂

To be honest no staying over is best for me but if they are travelling two nights and I get irritated and yes is coz it’s his side of the family I don’t see them much and I need my space my husband knows how I feel he doesn’t push it he likes his space too .

Id stop moving DC out of room and offering airbed to guest. That way they wont want to stay too long.

1.5 hours is nothing??? I go for coffee with a friend who lives 2.5 hours away??!!

Put all the work on your husband and see how keen he remains.

I'm glad there isn't the space here for anyone to stay over. One of Dds friends occasionally stays over but she sleeps on the air bed in DDS room and doesn't affect the dynamics of the house much. I couldn't deal with anyone sleeping on the sofa. Tell your DH to make other arrangements for his family.

That'd be a 'no' from me
Not fair on your child to be turfed out of their room and no need to actually stay over with a journey time of an hour and a half

I’m similar to you and 1 night is more than enough let alone 2. But for a 90 min journey they don’t need to stay imo!

If they lived further away and visited less often then you might be unreasonable but only 1.5 hours away and every couple of months? 2 nights max is fair enough.
That said, if my OH tried to limit how long my family could stay I would be very unhappy, but they're coming from another country so its a very long trip and its not worth the expense and effort if they don't stay at least a week, preferably two or three. He did get fed up when my brother moved in with no move out date, which was fair enough, but thankfully he moved out before I had to get stern with him.

I'm used to long term houseguests though, growing up we often had people staying with us, sometimes for weeks or months on end, or longer (had an exchange student for a year once) so it doesn't bother me. Have very fond memories of those times.

I drive 1.5 hours to my office!

1 or 2 nights is plenty if they want to stay. It’s ok to have boundaries. Your child deserves their room back.

I would put the relatives in the lounge and be loud of a morning, hopefully should stop them wanting to stay over 🤣

Zero nights for me, and I totally get the social battery situation. My house is my place and I can just about cope with guests for a few hours, overnight is a step too far, but that’s just me.

Just no. You don’t have the space. Why would they think you can accommodate guests when you don’t have a guest room? If they want to stay over send them links to Airbnb and booking . Com…