To ask how you afford to be a SAHM?

[CinnabonRoll]

Myself and my fiancé (marrying in March) have decided I won’t be going back to work after my mat leave for several reasons. It makes sense for us but it’s still incredibly daunting.

Our main reason is having no family support for childcare. His family are in Australia, my dad still works full-time and my mum is a full-time carer for my disabled brother. Our local nursery was involved in a high profile abuse case a few years ago in which a child died from neglect. the nursery went through huge reform I still don’t feel comfortable sending my baby there, especially when we’d be paying £800 a month for the privilege full-time. There’s a nursery a bit further away but that would be a logistical nightmare and involve me having to get a car, which then would add probably an extra £150 a month to our outgoings and further reduces the amount of money we would have left from our salaries.

I did ask for a 2/3 day contract at my work place but they declined. I know there are other part-time jobs but I haven’t found any that would really work as they all involve shifts and doing different days each week, and no way would I pay for a full-time nursery place only to barely send my child. Even an evening job wouldn’t work as fiancé has some weeks he works days and other weeks he works nights. I’ve tried all the supermarkets but they all want at least one day at the weekend, fiancé works weekends.

We considered fiancé leaving his shift job and getting a job with fixed days but this will involve a huge pay cut and having to start at the bottom of the ladder. He’s well established in his current workplace and working towards a promotion and it would be madness to give that up. Whereas my job is only a basic customer service role of less than £27,000 a year.

We’re lucky that we have done the maths and can afford to live of partners income with about £300 left over each month, I know it’s not much but we have a large investment pot if there were to ever be a huge emergency. He’ll have to give up one of his hobbies and the car he was saving up for (and keep our basic 15 year old car) but he’s fine with this. We’ve also considered my lost pension contributions and come to the conclusion that we will save the child benefit into my pension pot. I know some will judge for that and say it should be spent on the child but I will be able to be there every day for my child and essentially dedicating my entire life to them so I think it’s fair enough to use child benefit for my pension. I’m not concerned about isolation or loneliness, I’m high functioning autistic and find maintaining friendships exhausting and just don’t bother. I absolutely love my home but do enjoy social events if it’s for my baby like baby group etc so we do go to those.

We wouldn’t be eligible for any UC as we have over £30,000 locked away in long term investments. We ideally won’t touch that unless the car were to conk out etc, we’d rather just reduce our outgoings. We already have a joint account which DP will put the majority of his income (minus his car insurance, fuel which I don’t get involved with and a small bit of personal money) . I will be doing food shopping, baby shopping etc from the joint account and will also be able to use it for anything I need or play groups etc.

Is there anything we haven’t considered or any advice please? How did it work for others who have done it?

You have £30,000.

Get married sooner so you're legally protected.

I was a SAHM for seven years and it was a huge financial struggle. The only income of my own I had once my maternity pay had finished was my child benefit. We didn’t have a holiday for several years, no new cars, very few clothes, almost no social
life, and we only ate out a couple of times a year, but we just about scraped through. We moved house when I was six months pregnant into a derelict home; we just managed to install a new kitchen and bathroom, and get our bedroom and the baby’s room ready before she was born. We then spent the next six or seven years doing the rest of the renovations ourselves because we couldn’t afford to pay anyone to do it. But it was most definitely worth it for me to have been able to spend the early years with my daughter and I never regretted a second of it. I went back to work very part time when my daughter started junior school and then moved back into a similar area of work to my previous career where I was mainly based at home but attended evening meetings around three nights a week. My husband also worked from home for much of the time and was here to look after our daughter when I was at worn in the evenings.

It’s tough to begin with. We didn’t have much money, but earnings go up and life got easier for us. I was at home for 14 years and have no regrets.

Just to add that we never had a penny in savings to fall back on once we’d paid for the initial house renovations, and just had a low level of debt on credit cards etc for many years. If anything went wrong with the house, or the cars needed unexpected work, it went on the credit cards.

I think you’re underestimating a lot - losing your financial freedom and earning capacity could hit you hard (as well as pension). Child benefit will be a drop in the ocean at £26 PW
Getting married will give you some protection
What if you have another baby
that £30,000 pot could soon disappear

You will get good at living on a budget. We don’t buy any new clothes, even for the children everything is from vinted and when they grow out of it I sell it back again on there so I can then buy them more in the size up. That helps save a lot of money. We cook all
our meals and bread and everything fresh ourselves and shop at Lidl mainly. I bargain hunt where I can and get a lot from charity shops or Facebook marketplace for the children’s birthdays while they’re still too young to know any different.

We also bought a tent so that most of our holidays can be camping trips which may not be for everyone but we love it.

We still do days out but mainly ones that have a weekday deal which works out much cheaper than going at the weekends. Lots of walks when it’s sunny as well to get everyone out of the house! Good luck, you do get a great bond with them and I do really love our life now! ❤️

I did the same for a good few years. However my earning capacity was very low so I used the opportunity to complete home higher education (when DH was home/kids in bed) and once they were all at school I went to do post graduate training. This was a good thing as my marriage ended soon after and I am so grateful I had a good job, ability to take over the mortgage etc. So glad I was married as got a good deal in the divorce.

I would do it but 'keep your hand in' with your job or upskill.
I have no regrets I have great memories.

We couldn’t. I tried for a year and half, and the slightest issue, like an unexpected boiler repair, or DC shoes breaking, pushed us over the edge financially. We couldn’t live like that.

I’ve gone back to work full-time as a teacher, and our youngest DC is in nursery. I had a really bad nursery experience for my second DC, and it nearly broke me to send my 3rd DC to nursery. However, it’s fabulous and he loves it.

But in an ideal world I’d be a SAHM. Very few people I know can afford it.

Make sure you’re married OP, because you’re putting yourself in a very vulnerable position by leaving the workforce.

At the point of marriage you assess financial stability and prospects of you and your partner. At this point you make any necessary changes or evaluate if it is not a viable option.

Nothings is guaranteed but as long as you have done a thorough due diligence you will be able to overcome hiccups along the way.

What is your household income if you don’t mind me asking?

I have known one SAHM through my DC1 and I would say it’s possible but you have to be very willing to forgone certain luxuries - I never really knew her to go to softplays, expensive days out, nor did she buy lots of toys or eat out much. She mainly bought items from charity shops (nice items too!) and did lots of home cooking, very cheap holiday etc. So I do think it’s possible but you do have to be realistic about what you will have to scrimp on and have a clear plan.

I’m a SAHM but we live in a modest house and my DH is on a very good salary; 5x the salary that I was on before we had DC. We also have no family around and I am not a career person so it made sense for us for me to give up work. I have no regrets.

I think medium to big ticket items you will need to cover how to pay for those. But you sound like you have a mature relationship, talk about money together and reach agreements. That is half of the battle in managing.
£300 is not much leeway at all. If your mortgage went up for example.

You sound as though your preference would absolutely to be a SAHM. And I can understand this. The rigmarole of getting a child ready for the childminder let alone yourself out the door to go to work, then having to pay them is such a massive strain.

Have you considered being able to work from home at all ? Part time perhaps. A completely different job.
It might not feel entirely practical but it could give you some extra income.

Keep working.
Use some of ypur investment for childcare if needed
You are not married
Keepyour financial independence

Would you be entitled to UC if you didn’t have the savings? That would give an indication of whether you’re deemed to have enough to survive on.
If you are at benefits level then the savings should be used to balance things. Eg. If you would get £300/m from UC you can allocate that from your savings if you are struggling. It’s what savings are for.

I’m on £27,000 before tax.

fiancé brings home £600 a week after tax and then has the opportunity do 1 overtime shift a month which is paid generously so this adds an extra £300 a month. So he brings home about £2700 a month after all deductions. In my OP when I said we’d have only £300 a month left each month was not taking into account the 1x a month overtime as I’d rather that be a bonus than relying on it

mortgage is £600 a month as we knew we were going to have kids so picked something manageable. Luckily we are in a cheaper area

SAHM here. Husband earns very well and there is a significant savings buffer. House is owned outright so there is no mortgage to pay. We are extremely fortunate.

I think that you will find it incredibly restrictive on that monthly salary, OP.

Used to be a sahm because childcare and petrol cost 500€ a month over my wage. To be honest we just cut things back to the bone and scraped along. I always laugh when people say’how do you afford it?’ Most people don’t, they just scrape by because it has to be done!! Btw I’d recommend pt work/ done form of study instead/ as well as, I lost a lot. A lot-I was never going to be a high earner or anything, but I think now things would just be a bit different- also dh got a bit stressed after a few years trying to support the family on his own.

I do believe it’s doable for most, just not comfortable

You have 30K in savings, you don’t have much to worry about.

Agree
thats barely above national average wage in the UK
You will have no wiggle room
you cannot rely on overtime either

I was a sahm for years. For the first 5 or so my husband was on a low income due to changing careers. We were very frugal - caravan holidays, 1 older car and a very tight budget. We still paid into my pension throughout though which I'm really pleased we did now. No regrets. I've managed to get back into work fine, although maybe not the same for everyone.

It's tough. It sucks and it really does give the impression that society hates mothers of young children. Arse about face numbers; two full working days out of a week pays for two full days of nursery, so the days you spend not working will equate to the money you lose in nursery fees.

The government is far more concerned with GDP (money passing between people) rather than parents trying to remain financially sound as well as raising their children the best they can. Then there's the lifting of the two child benefit cap which will incentivise those already with children to have more at the expense of the taxpayer anyway.

I have no real advice to impart, only sympathy.

I would just warn that children get expensive as they get older with swimming lessons, school uniforms and trips, and anything else the kids want to add on so have an exit strategy to get back into the workforce because there aren't a lot of term time, school hours only jobs, and those that do exist will want you to work over school pantomimes, nativities etc.

Have you considered applying for flexible working AFTER you've had the baby? Your employer may need to assess the application differently at the point of which you actually have a dependent next year and it may fit better woth business requests.

Don’t be a SAHM unless you WANT to do it. Your income is pretty low and it will be tight. If it’s literally about childcare only, better to have that be tight and not give up work in the short term - you will be much worse off financially long term. If you ever split with DH, you will be in a really tough spot.