Told colleague I'm 16 weeks pregnant and asked to keep it quiet.

[Lemonsqueez]

I work in a consultancy in a male dominated industry. I told my line manager at 15 weeks pregnant as I started feeling really ill and having complications. My workload is too high for me to keep up but as I've been put forward for a promotion which will only happen in March I'm really stressed about telling work. This promotion is based on my last year of work, not going into a new role. Anyway I told my project director who is not my line manager but who I work closest with and she told me her advice was to hold off as long as reasonably possible to tell anyone as she thinks I'll get sidelined and miss opportunities. After she said this I cried at my desk and felt so anxious. I have to travel this week with the team and since this is my second pregnancy I'm really showing, I don't know what to do. Am I being unreasonable thinking she was out of line with her comment?

My goodness gracious I've never read such a huge level of drip feeding with every post OP!

What makes you do it and how do you think it means the thread is going to help you?

She sounds like she was trying to be helpful and just giving advice.
The thing is with advice is you can take it or leave it.

Im not sure why you are annoyed with her though, you can make up your own mind what to do.

It was just an opinion and I think you need to come off your high horse and stop whinning.

She in no way discriminated against you. She highlighted to you that the world is still a discriminatory place and suggested a way you could mitigate your risk. You can choose to take her advice or not. It's really not her role to comfort you or make you feel better about feeling anxious and unwell. She's a colleague, not a friend, family member or Dr. If you're having pregnancy-related health issues, you should officially inform your employer so that you can take time off without it being recorded as a sick day.

So do you work for the type of Consultancy where multiple people apply for project roles/work and the client/project team pick who they want? Eg new project starting in Feb needs X expertise, and you and 2 other people might apply/be eligible and then project team can pick only 1 person? If that’s the case I can see why your colleague said kept it quiet because legal or not, a project team is unlikely to want to onboard someone that is could disappear or maternity leave at any time or in the middle of their project - and handover is additional cost (because new person takes time
to become effective).

So by telling people you are pregnant, Iindirectly you could lose out on more interesting project opportunities if there are others available because you’ll not been seen as being around for the long haul and you’ll be left with the assignments people don’t want.

Actually I don’t think your promotion to a higher grade is at risk as long as your work quality this year demonstrates you are acting at a higher level. Based on your colleagues comment I think it’s more you’ll be seen as a resourcing/project risk and you may lose access to interesting projects that other consultants are also available for because you are higher risk for absence. I’m not saying it’s right but that’s just how resourcing in consultancies can and does work - the Consultancy needs the projects done at lowest risk. Your colleague wasn’t being unkind - she was just pointing out you will miss out on opportunities once they think you’ll be taking maternity leave.

OP, from reading your posts I think everything is ok? You got the promotion, you’re very glued up on your rights and legal protections (well done!) and your colleague shared her opinion, but this doesn’t need to be your opinion, I’d just have replied ‘thank you, but I’m well protected by the law and therefore I’m not worried about sharing the news when I feel it’s time’. Congrats on your pregnancy!

@Lemonsqueez - it depends on the promotion. As you’re in consultancy, ie going from consultant, manager, senior manger, director, Partner. It depends which jump you are doing. Pretty much up to senior manager it’s a matter of paperwork and role bands. However to get to director and then Partner is whole different ball game. Then it’s politics and sales the pyramid starts to get much narrower with less people. So she’s probably right if you’re jumping up to director as it won’t necessarily just be march is promotion so we just move some people up to the next band.

This is a very naive attitude.

Whilst I completely understand that many work places don't get maternity laws right, I think women's behaviour about work and maternity rights is, at times, immoral. Sorry if this isn't popular....
On the one hand you are working hard towards a promotion but you are now pregnant. (As you don't state it was accidental, it sounds planned).
You aren't coping with the work load, and, by the sounds of it, you aren't communicating your excess work load to work and you aren't telling work about your pregnancy (could be risk assessments etc that need doing....) and you are still hoping to get the promotion, then go off on maternity leave? And if you don't get the promotion you'll claim maternity discrimination?!
Your actions/behaviour/lack of honesty are of greater concern to a company than your pregnancy atm and in my opinion......you are not being open and honest with them which could in turn cause them to have a trust and confidence issue with you.
I really think you need to be more realistic as to whether you are actually able to manage a promotion at this time in your life.

You do realise that promotion isn’t always a competition between staff for a management/supervisor role right? So at my work, there are four different levels of staff seniority and you get promoted to the next one once you show you meet the criteria. I can’t see why someone can’t show they meet the criteria for the next level up and then go on maternity leave. I certainly can’t see it as immoral - why would it be? It might be different if A and B are both in the running to take over as office manager and A gets it and immediately goes on leave, meaning that a temporary replacement must be found and it might have made more sense to have given it to B instead. But even then I can’t see it as immoral.

Oh and she has told them so there is no dishonesty at all.

Too late, news is out now but you should have kept quiet.

I'm a solicitor in the City. I got denied my promotion for senior associate, which had been verbally confirmed, after I told them I was pregnant. If I had waited 2 more months to tell them, it would have been official and done. They didn't promote me after I came back from mat leave because obviously I didn't hit my target as I was off work. I ended up having to leave to get my promotion elsewhere.

Employment law doesn't mean shit. Any compensation you'll get won't make up for a missed promotion and fucked career.

I'm sorry but the law disagrees with you here. Also I've been working for over a year on this promotion so what I'm not allowed to also expand my family? I think you need to think about how unfair it is to working families who are trying to progress in their careers but also being pregnant. The laws are there for a reason you need to think about that.

Did I say that? Seriously why is everyone so hard on here. No all I said is I announced my pregnancy hoping she would be a bit understanding if I'm having a hard time atm. After a year of grinding hard for this promotion this is all I was expecting. Just a bit of grace nothing more. I didn't ask her for her advice also just had to announce to her as a colleague.

You’re not using the quote function so it’s difficult to know if you’re talking to me, another poster or your neighbour at no. 12.

Kindly, you’re not a special case. The vast majority of people commenting on here will be working mothers. Who ever said it’s fair? It’s reality, OP. I wish you the best of luck and encourage you to heed your colleagues well meaning advice. Best wishes for a straight forward pregnancy!

Sorry but you could have done something about this. As a solicitor of all people you should have known the law was on your side and you didn't challenge this?!

Lol. Good luck with an employment tribunal. I have too much at stake to ruin my reputation and my career over a few grand.

No one here is being hard on you. People are trying to tell you what the reality is and that you should protect yourself.

None of your colleagues care about you, your child or your career. They're not your friends or family.

And to add to @999DonutsandLargeCoffee
Why on earth would you want the first years of your new child’s life tainted with the stress of a legal fight like this OP?
It makes no difference to anyone on here what you ultimately decide. People are giving you guidance based on the real world. You’re free to take it or leave it.

But if OP gets the promotion she won't even be able to do the job for a year presuming she takes maternity leave. If you were that keen on the promotion why didnt you hold off becoming pregnant till you had secured it if you thought there would be an impact.

Agree with others here. It’s all well and good spouting that pregnancy is a protected characteristic and you shouldn get the promotion.

But as someone rightly pointed out a while ago: Who can honestly be bothered to enter legal proceedings against employers; write statements; get legal advice; possibly lose; and then face going back to work in the same place?

It’s one of those things you might not be bothered to undertake in reality. It’s going to result in a lot of stress.

And it’s all well and good talking about ‘I should be allowed to expand my family’, and you can. But you must have known this was going to complicate things?

You'd be returning to your job with 2 young children, and you already admit to struggling with the workload.

Its really very simple, you just need to formally tell HR. You can't take advantage of the protection for pregnant women (which is your right) unless they actually know about it formally. Otherwise, you may find yourself trying to prove they discriminated against you for a pregnancy they didn't actually know about, which would be impossible to prove. They also may not discriminate against you at all anyway, but you do need to use the right channels.

I did challenge maternity discrimination. They settled before tribunal but clearly I couldn't go back to work with them.

If you are so supremely confident that it is impossible for your employer to discriminate against you - why on earth are you upset that your colleague said they might? Just smile smugly knowing she is wrong and this never happens...

You should have said that in your original post. Sounded like she had your back and now you want to use that.

You sound incredibly naive. I don't think your colleague was out of line at all.

IME your colleague was right to flag that you may be side-lined and miss out on opportunities. Yes, its not right or fair but it does happen. And, having worked many years in consultancy myself, I think it would be very hard to prove discrimination on the basis of pregnancy.
If its your second, it won't be long before its obvious to all anyway. Plus, your employer has a duty to re-appraise your health and safety needs now that you're pregnant and that may include limiting the amount you travel or indeed what projects you are assigned to as your pregnancy progresses.