Told colleague I'm 16 weeks pregnant and asked to keep it quiet.

[Lemonsqueez]

I work in a consultancy in a male dominated industry. I told my line manager at 15 weeks pregnant as I started feeling really ill and having complications. My workload is too high for me to keep up but as I've been put forward for a promotion which will only happen in March I'm really stressed about telling work. This promotion is based on my last year of work, not going into a new role. Anyway I told my project director who is not my line manager but who I work closest with and she told me her advice was to hold off as long as reasonably possible to tell anyone as she thinks I'll get sidelined and miss opportunities. After she said this I cried at my desk and felt so anxious. I have to travel this week with the team and since this is my second pregnancy I'm really showing, I don't know what to do. Am I being unreasonable thinking she was out of line with her comment?

I wouldn't want to give a promotion to someone who was about to go off on maternity leave. Presumably they need someone in that post now. If they're going to promote you and then immediately have to find someone to temporarily replace you, what is even the point, from your employer's point of view? And honestly I would not want a promotion if I was soon to be going on maternity leave and being preoccupied with caring for two small children.

Thank you!! I feel exactly this. It sucks that in this day and age we still get discriminated

Crying working remotely. I cannot believe these comments pregnancy is incredibly hard, hormones, difficulty sleeping. My reaction during pregnancy bas nothing to do with my capabilities when I'm not pregnant.

Well either way promotion is happening in March and I have to legally tell them by beginning of Feb so I guess I'm screwed anyway

Sorry but I’m now at a point where I’m not quite sure what your AIBU actually is??

Your line manager knows so why are you bothered about the promotion/payrise?

do you think it won’t happen?

why are you bothered about the PM said? Did you want to give you some special dispensation and you are upset you didn’t get it?

Is there a concern that if you don’t finish this project you’ll not get your payrise?

Wow well the law disagrees with you. How old are you? The laws really support pregnancy being a protected characteristic. Also it's not one of those jobs you don't understand xonsultqncy

Just feel like her comment was out of line and made me feel shit. I never asked for advice just some understanding and a bit of compassion would have been nice

Im confused. You have told your line manager so surely you have informed work that your pregnant?

If you having complications with preganacy then you need to inform work.

I’m confused too. I’ve no idea who she’s actually replying too. I keep asking what the actual problem is - I’m really not sure

But you do know that your employer can literally site any reason for not promoting you? You’re sounding silly now as well as naive.
Crack on being mock offended by your line manager and her kind micro-dose of reality. Let’s see how it goes for you!

I think you are being contradictory. And I get it, being a mum and employee can be contradictory sometimes. Yes pregnancy is a protected characteristic as such, but if they have to choose between 2 candidates where one is anxious, emotional at work, feeling unwell and feels they already have an overwhelming workload and another is none of these things, who do you think they should go for? Who would you choose if you were an employer? That's not even considering that one candidate is going to be absent for a long period shortly after the promotion. Personally I think you should look after your body and mental health first. The pressure of the new job might be too much for you, and thats nothing to feel bad about, you are growing a human right now and it takes a toll. There will be other promotions down the line, but this child's well being is time sensitive now.

You didn't look at her post properly my line manager was kind and supportive the person who made the comment is a colleague.

Being pregnant doesn't mean you have to be handed a promotion on a silver platter, who do you think istrying to screw you over?

Honestly she only gave you some advice. Feel free to ignore it. Think you're over thinking it. She is not the person who decides on your promotion.

You seem to keep changing your mind about what it is you are annoyed at this woman for.

She didn’t do anything wrong and so it’s best to just let it go.
She gave you her opinion and you disagree - it’s fine.

You have decided that it’s a good idea to tell your employer about your pregnancy and considering you are having a difficult one, then I too think it’s a good idea.

If you read the post properly a colleague gave unsolicited advice which feels a bit like discrimination.

I did. I wrote line manager by accident.
Not that it impacts my previous post whatsoever.
Your colleague WAS being kind & supportive by offering you some practical advice. Do you think you can handle the pressures of a promotion?

Jesus Christ. This is a wind up. If not, good luck.

It was not discrimination. You need to stop.

She gave you her opinion, which is the same opinion as half of the women on here.

Why is this such an issue for you.

Your entire team will know soon enough anyway, so I don’t see the problem.

That's discrimination.

And if I've understood correctly, the promotion is not to a new post, it's in recognition of the increased responsibilities she's already been carrying out.

Honestly you are really BU now. It feels like discrimination because she said you could get sidelined for promotion? You need a massive reality check. She spoke the truth. What do you want a colleague to say? Yes you'll be promoted and you'll work fully to capacity during pregnancy, labour wont hurt, baby will sleep between every feed, sleep the night after a few weeks, friends and family willl help and support you, you'll return to your promotion where you'll apply yourself fully because baby won't pick up any bugs at childcare.

You don't need to be a victim about this. The reality is women do get discriminated against, even subconsciously, with things like this. She was giving you valid advice, there's no point having hurt feelings about it.

But she's a colleague. She's not your manager. She's not speaking for the company. She can't discriminate against you when it comes to awarding a promotion.

Are you ramping up to put in a complaint against her? Good luck with that 🙄