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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not accept this was an accident

144 replies

Chesnutty · 06/12/2025 18:52

Dh is always doing something that imo is ridiculous and normally leads to trouble. Examples include allowing toddler dc in the teenage playground/gym equipment after I asked him not to as it was too big for dc and a few minutes later dc broke their arm on a

dropping stuff on my feet all the time but because he doesn’t want to do two trips from the fridge or whatever so carries too much and drops it. All the time.

anyway today I was standing next to dh and getting something out the boot, I went to straighten up and before I could he slammed the boot straight into my shoulder. He says it’s an accident but I don’t know how he can view it that way. I’m right next to him. Haven’t moved and he shut the boot on my shoulder. Maybe I’m just absolutely fuming still but aibu to say it’s not an accident when you can avoid it. He could have waited for me to shut the boot he wasn’t even in it, could have waited for me to move. I was lucky as our eldest was there and their head was just shorter than my shoulder so it hit me before dc. Hurts so much as well.

OP posts:

DarkEyedSailor · 06/12/2025 18:54

Does he ever get injured in his accidental moments? Or is it always other people?

ghostyslovesheets · 06/12/2025 18:58

I’ve slammed the boot down hard on my own head … twice 😳

maybe he’s just an idiot like me

however the repeated dropping of stuff would get annoying after a while

Clairey1986 · 06/12/2025 19:02

Does he hurt himself sometimes too? If so I doubt it was intentional but completely valid to feel frustrated at him not taking more care and hurting you.

WhatNoRaisins · 06/12/2025 19:04

As I say to my kids, no it wasn't an accident, it was you not being careful enough.

PermanentlyExhaustedPigeonZZZ · 06/12/2025 19:04

It was an avoidable accident but he didn't do it on purpose so it was still an accident.

ShesTheAlbatross · 06/12/2025 19:04

Obviously he needs to stop being a careless twat.

But the alternative to this being an accident (caused by his stupidity) is that he did it on purpose. But you haven’t said anything to suggest that’s the case. Your definition of “it’s not an accident when you can avoid it” isn’t right in my opinion.

Wellstonethecrows · 06/12/2025 19:05

If you really think him slamming the boot down on you wasn't an accident the implications are pretty serious OP.

I mean it is difficult to accept that he couldn't see you there so I can definitely sympathise with your view.

Do you think he could possibly suffer from dyspraxia or something other condition?

JudgeBread · 06/12/2025 19:07

So you're saying you think he purposely slammed the door on your shoulder? Because that's a pretty worrying accusation to be making, deliberately slamming a door into someone is abusive, is that what you're accusing him of?

Or is he a clumsy moron and you're fed up of being with a clumsy moron?

PinkyFlamingo · 06/12/2025 19:07

So what was his excuse sorry reason for slamming boot onto your shoulder?

Groundsel · 06/12/2025 19:14

Wellstonethecrows · 06/12/2025 19:05

If you really think him slamming the boot down on you wasn't an accident the implications are pretty serious OP.

I mean it is difficult to accept that he couldn't see you there so I can definitely sympathise with your view.

Do you think he could possibly suffer from dyspraxia or something other condition?

Edited

I once pushed the boot-closing button and accidentally whacked DH on top of his head. He was livid. I knew he was there, I was just on some kind of automatic ‘unpacking the shopping’ mode, and had somehow deleted him from my consciousness! And I will admit to being the person who loads themselves up rather than make more trips, though I don’t generally drop stuff…

SwirlyShirly · 06/12/2025 19:15

I shut the boot on my husband’s head once. In my defence I thought he was finished!

DeedlessIndeed · 06/12/2025 19:17

I've accidentally shut the boot on DH before.

I was distracted and it was just force of habit, once I'd grabbed what I needed to from the boot I just pulled it down. I definitely saw DH standing there - we were mid-conversation. But it just didn't register that he was in the way. And then I clonked it down and it hit his head. DH is the most mild mannered person but he gets mightily angry when he knocks his head.

I immediately apologised and felt awful. But I'd think it was a bit odd if he accused me of doing it deliberately.

Groundsel · 06/12/2025 19:18

DeedlessIndeed · 06/12/2025 19:17

I've accidentally shut the boot on DH before.

I immediately apologised and felt awful. But I'd think it was a bit odd if he accused me of doing it deliberately.

I did accidentally the same, ditto mid-conversation. He was cross, but he didn’t think I was deliberately trying to hurt him.

TheMorgenmuffel · 06/12/2025 19:18

DarkEyedSailor · 06/12/2025 18:54

Does he ever get injured in his accidental moments? Or is it always other people?

That was my first question too.

NuffSaidSam · 06/12/2025 19:19

You think he slammed you in the boot deliberately?

Because if not it was an accident, albeit one caused by being careless.

ObsidianTree · 06/12/2025 19:20

Well he sounds like an incompetent moron for sure. What if you weren't near the boot door and he brought it down on his son's head instead? After being the reason he broke his arm? I think the hospital would already have a note from the broken arm so this trip could have resulted in social services being called.

What was he thinking closing the door when you both were there? I'd struggle to trust him going forward. Was he just not thinking? He needs to be more mindful of his surroundings.

Fdsew · 06/12/2025 19:20

What exactly is your relationship like?
It is not unknown for abusive men to injure by stealth.
Could this be deliberate?
Is that what you suspect?
If so, that is very dangerous.

If he is just careless and doesn't give a shit, its still not acceptable.
Mention it to your GP, so there is a record of it.

Does he injure himself regularly?
If not, then that is very serious.

Endofyear · 06/12/2025 19:21

Was he absolutely horrified that he'd hurt you? My DH is quite clumsy and has clonked me accidentally a few times, he's always really upset and sorry though! Even when I've verbally lashed out at him, he's owned it. Last time, he was pulling himself up in bed and accidentally bashed my forehead with his elbow - it was so painful, I literally saw stars and cried out - he was immediately apologising over and over and got me an ice pack and looked after me.

Do you really believe that he didn't do it accidentally? Why do you think he would want to hurt you on purpose?

GiantTeddyIsTired · 06/12/2025 19:23

My ex was thoughtless, and occasionally did stupid things eg. when pregnant with my first, as I was walking past him sat on the settee, he put his foot out to trip me - which it did - he said he didn't know why he did it, it just popped into his head.

Now, he's an ex, and that's one of the reasons - his utter thoughtlessness, which crossed into actual abuse.

Because it's not too much to ask to put 2 seconds thought before injuring someone else.

When one of my children did something similarly thoughtless - jumped up when I was bending down to tie their laces and head-butted me in the nose - I didn't minimise it - he saw me crying from the pain (not dramatically, but I didn't try to hide it - a hard whack in the nose is very painful).

That's what you've got here. Don't minimise this. If he brushes it off and doesn't amend his behaviour, think very seriously about this - especially when it comes to the safety of your children

Fdsew · 06/12/2025 19:24

Perhaps tell him you are going to the GP to be checked over and will mention the various injuries that you and the children have "accidentally" had from his actions.
Particularly if he's not injuring himself.
At best he is a complete moron.

Notmyreality · 06/12/2025 19:24

I’ve closed boot on people and had
it closed on me. It happens.

Chattanoogachoo · 06/12/2025 19:24

Could he be dyspraxic, he sounds quite like my son who's dyspraxic and very clumsy?

GiantTeddyIsTired · 06/12/2025 19:27

Chattanoogachoo · 06/12/2025 19:24

Could he be dyspraxic, he sounds quite like my son who's dyspraxic and very clumsy?

You say that - but my son is dyspraxic and very clumsy - he'd only do this sort of thing once, because he cares about other people and is very aware of how clumsy he can be.

He'd be much more likely to shut the boot on himself than on someone else in fact, because of that.

Yamahahaha · 06/12/2025 19:31

I went out with someone who would do things like this. He made a huge dent in a piece of my furniture by dropping an iron on it and on another occasion seemed surprised he'd trodden on my legs when he walked over to my side of the bed with me in it. Just hugely cack-handed which really gave me the ick in the end.

MoominMai · 06/12/2025 19:34