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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not accept this was an accident

144 replies

Chesnutty · 06/12/2025 18:52

Dh is always doing something that imo is ridiculous and normally leads to trouble. Examples include allowing toddler dc in the teenage playground/gym equipment after I asked him not to as it was too big for dc and a few minutes later dc broke their arm on a

dropping stuff on my feet all the time but because he doesn’t want to do two trips from the fridge or whatever so carries too much and drops it. All the time.

anyway today I was standing next to dh and getting something out the boot, I went to straighten up and before I could he slammed the boot straight into my shoulder. He says it’s an accident but I don’t know how he can view it that way. I’m right next to him. Haven’t moved and he shut the boot on my shoulder. Maybe I’m just absolutely fuming still but aibu to say it’s not an accident when you can avoid it. He could have waited for me to shut the boot he wasn’t even in it, could have waited for me to move. I was lucky as our eldest was there and their head was just shorter than my shoulder so it hit me before dc. Hurts so much as well.

OP posts:
hellowhaaat3632 · 06/12/2025 19:34

Being accident prone is real... i would teach DC to be cautious around him...

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 06/12/2025 19:42

ExDP did a lot of ‘accidentally’ hurting me.

Then during an actual row strangled me until I passed out.

Walk the fuck away.

Yes, it might be a genuine accident, but why risk it?

Tangelablue · 06/12/2025 19:43

Is it clumsiness or passive aggressive? Does he seem annoyed when he's carrying to much?
I have to admit, I have closed the car door on my own head a couple of times. Never injured anyone else tho. Any other red flag?

Justchilling07 · 06/12/2025 20:00

Notmyreality · 06/12/2025 19:24

I’ve closed boot on people and had
it closed on me. It happens.

You’re minimising.Yes of course accidents happen, but at the same time, it’s not ok when it’s just down to clumsiness or yes horrible if the case is, someone doing it on purpose and passing it off as an accident.
I remember my cousin years ago, closed the car boot door, on my grandmother’s head, he thought it was hilarious! She was in shock and bleeding, ended up needing stitches in her head.
I’ve never injured anyone, l don’t think it’s because l’m a particularly careful person, l guess it’s because l’m not impatient and yeah understand if you don’t take care in what you’re doing, my responsibility, you can hurt others.

Notmyreality · 06/12/2025 21:06

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 06/12/2025 19:42

ExDP did a lot of ‘accidentally’ hurting me.

Then during an actual row strangled me until I passed out.

Walk the fuck away.

Yes, it might be a genuine accident, but why risk it?

Really? Throw away a marriage on the off chance your partner tried to intentionally whack you with a boot lid? Could your view point be any more skewed?

Notmyreality · 06/12/2025 21:10

Justchilling07 · 06/12/2025 20:00

You’re minimising.Yes of course accidents happen, but at the same time, it’s not ok when it’s just down to clumsiness or yes horrible if the case is, someone doing it on purpose and passing it off as an accident.
I remember my cousin years ago, closed the car boot door, on my grandmother’s head, he thought it was hilarious! She was in shock and bleeding, ended up needing stitches in her head.
I’ve never injured anyone, l don’t think it’s because l’m a particularly careful person, l guess it’s because l’m not impatient and yeah understand if you don’t take care in what you’re doing, my responsibility, you can hurt others.

Show quote history

I’m not minimising anything. I’m literally just stating what I’ve stated.
Getting hit by a car boot lid is not a particularly uncommon event.

Mooniezoomie · 06/12/2025 21:11

Chesnutty · 06/12/2025 18:52

Dh is always doing something that imo is ridiculous and normally leads to trouble. Examples include allowing toddler dc in the teenage playground/gym equipment after I asked him not to as it was too big for dc and a few minutes later dc broke their arm on a

dropping stuff on my feet all the time but because he doesn’t want to do two trips from the fridge or whatever so carries too much and drops it. All the time.

anyway today I was standing next to dh and getting something out the boot, I went to straighten up and before I could he slammed the boot straight into my shoulder. He says it’s an accident but I don’t know how he can view it that way. I’m right next to him. Haven’t moved and he shut the boot on my shoulder. Maybe I’m just absolutely fuming still but aibu to say it’s not an accident when you can avoid it. He could have waited for me to shut the boot he wasn’t even in it, could have waited for me to move. I was lucky as our eldest was there and their head was just shorter than my shoulder so it hit me before dc. Hurts so much as well.

Freud says there are no accidents..

Notmyreality · 06/12/2025 21:12

GiantTeddyIsTired · 06/12/2025 19:27

You say that - but my son is dyspraxic and very clumsy - he'd only do this sort of thing once, because he cares about other people and is very aware of how clumsy he can be.

He'd be much more likely to shut the boot on himself than on someone else in fact, because of that.

Show quote history

Different people with a shared condition can in fact be different you know.

Achinghipandpainsallover · 06/12/2025 21:13

If you think he did it intentionally to hurt you - you have a massive problem.

if you have a klutz of a partner that needs to take more care - that is a different story.

CalmShaker · 06/12/2025 21:16

OP can I ask, has you husband taken any life insurance out on you recently ?
Has he suggested any hiking trips, particularly where mountains are concerned?

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 06/12/2025 21:19

He thinks he is better than you and isn't arsed if you get hurt at his hand... Is he disrespectful towards you in general?
My exh used to walk ahead at every opportunity.. Frequently broke my stuff. Never apologised for anything...
Exh.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 06/12/2025 21:20

Muscle memory kicks in.” I have finished in the boot, I’ll shut it. “

DH is somewhat unaware of people round him. He seems permanently surprised other people take up space, bumping into you, or standing in the way. He has some weird way of moving as I try and walk round him so he’s still in the way. Like that pavement dance? It’s unintentional. He couldn’t do it if he tried.

But your husband needs to learn to be careful about other people. He needs to treat them as if they are breakable- because they are!

Justchilling07 · 06/12/2025 21:23

Notmyreality · 06/12/2025 21:10

I’m not minimising anything. I’m literally just stating what I’ve stated.
Getting hit by a car boot lid is not a particularly uncommon event.

Show quote history

I disagree, you are making it out to be nothing.
I do believe it is down, to impatience.
I’ve never hit someone when closing the boot of a car, I wonder how many people reading this have..
and think it’s common place.

Wowcha · 06/12/2025 21:26

So you’re saying he intentionally slammed the boot shut on you so that it would cause an injury to you.

If you genuinely believe that then you need to leave asap - as in today/this weekend.

But if you are just annoyed and being dramatic because he’s such a cluts then that’s different.

TanitaTikTokaram · 06/12/2025 21:32

Justchilling07 · 06/12/2025 21:23

I disagree, you are making it out to be nothing.
I do believe it is down, to impatience.
I’ve never hit someone when closing the boot of a car, I wonder how many people reading this have..
and think it’s common place.

Show quote history

The ones with dyspraxia probably do.

MissDoubleU · 06/12/2025 21:33

His carelessness resulted in his infant son breaking his arm and still your DH didn’t think “perhaps it’s time I learn to be more careful”

Yes, I would say that is a red flag

villanova · 06/12/2025 21:39

I have a problem with proprioception: I am quite often unaware of where my limbs are, and the consequences of moving them. At least once a week I will walk into a doorframe or bang my toe on the skirting board. I have broken countless mugs and plates whilst putting them away, trying to move them through a cupboard door or worktop, as my brain just doesn't process the solid object or my body's position relative to it. Don't ask about the state of my car...
It seems to be related to my hypermobility, and I have trained myself a little but am normally carrying some injury. Has your husband shown signs of this behaviour?

Justchilling07 · 06/12/2025 21:44

TanitaTikTokaram · 06/12/2025 21:32

The ones with dyspraxia probably do.

Show quote history

What percentage of people have dyspraxia, to make this a common occurrence?
Op hasn’t said, she suspects her partner has dyspraxia, if he did have undiagnosed dyspraxia, it would be more evident and therefore op would make allowances, as l imagine she know’s him very well.

Hankunamatata · 06/12/2025 21:45

I accidentally shut the boot on my mum and really hurt her shoulder. It easy if your distracted. Im now super carefully

Bruisername · 06/12/2025 22:01

I think it really depends on his reaction

when your son broke his arm how did he react?

Sunflower459 · 06/12/2025 22:19

GiantTeddyIsTired · 06/12/2025 19:27

You say that - but my son is dyspraxic and very clumsy - he'd only do this sort of thing once, because he cares about other people and is very aware of how clumsy he can be.

He'd be much more likely to shut the boot on himself than on someone else in fact, because of that.

Show quote history

The thing about situations like this is that the person doing the damage always seems to think that ‘sorry’ covers everything indefinitely. My partner is also clumsy and always used to just say ‘sorry’ and then the same thing would happen again a few days later. I always had to fix whatever he’d effed up, and I got sick of hearing ‘sorry’. I snapped one day and just said ‘no, you’re not sorry, because if you were sorry you’d be more careful’. He’s actually loads better since that day. I think some people are just oblivious and need telling straight.

Theunamedcat · 06/12/2025 22:21

My eldest son and I are dyspraxic if anything it makes us MORE aware of others we overly back away from.the boot before closing it (for example) i regularly open the car into my face hit door frames and swear they move but put another person with me and im cautious very cautious! The other day I nearly shut my own hand in the boot (zero idea how) as I was making sure ds2 didnt get hit or run away

I don't hurt other people often because I know im a klutz and take steps to protect others from myself

labamba18 · 06/12/2025 22:27

I have dyspraxia and I hurt myself all the time but I’m overly cautious with my children because of it. Does he hurt himself a lot?

Illbefinejustbloodyfine · 06/12/2025 22:28

As you say, it was avoidable, but also, presumably,it wasn't on purpose ?

I split my own head open closing the boot on it 😬 not on purpose, but entirely avoidable!

GoodQueenWenceslaus · 06/12/2025 22:29

Your definition of "accident" is simply incorrect. Every accident is theoretically avoidable by taking care, that's the whole point. If it's not an accident it's either deliberate or a natural disaster.