To not accept this was an accident

[Chesnutty]

Dh is always doing something that imo is ridiculous and normally leads to trouble. Examples include allowing toddler dc in the teenage playground/gym equipment after I asked him not to as it was too big for dc and a few minutes later dc broke their arm on a

dropping stuff on my feet all the time but because he doesn’t want to do two trips from the fridge or whatever so carries too much and drops it. All the time.

anyway today I was standing next to dh and getting something out the boot, I went to straighten up and before I could he slammed the boot straight into my shoulder. He says it’s an accident but I don’t know how he can view it that way. I’m right next to him. Haven’t moved and he shut the boot on my shoulder. Maybe I’m just absolutely fuming still but aibu to say it’s not an accident when you can avoid it. He could have waited for me to shut the boot he wasn’t even in it, could have waited for me to move. I was lucky as our eldest was there and their head was just shorter than my shoulder so it hit me before dc. Hurts so much as well.

The GP will keep a record which the OP can call upon at a later date, that is the point of telling your GP something like this.

I really appreciate the advice. He doesn’t have much empathy, it does shock me sometimes, he will explain why he did something wrong most of the time rather than apologise. His mum doesn’t have much empathy either so I assumed he’d picked that up from her.

No one has stopped in front of the car so far while he’s rolling it, I can see the look on people’s faces as they hesitantly think is he stopping, maybe not so they wait longer than if he stopped. I always ask him to stop but he doesn’t. It’s every single time we’re at a crossing, it’s an auto car so no worry for stalling it. It does make me uncomfortable, I hate seeing people worry about if he’s stopping or not.

He does kick things by accident a lot and is generally clumsy. I have read about dyspraxia. Not sure with that because although he’s clumsy he is very good at sports and hand eye coordination so I’m not sure if it’s that.

I think your DH needs to learn that accidents are still things he needs to apologise for. He needs to climb down off his high horse, get a reality check that it’s not all about him, and realise if he has hurt someone through his careless actions it will as his fault. Accident or not, it was his fault. If he didn’t do it it wouldn’t have happened. He himself could have prevented this accident. Therefore, it’s his responsibility. It’s his fault it happened.

He needs to change his thinking from “it was an accident” to what he really means - it wasn’t malicious. Which is all well and good but the outcome was the same. A broken bone hurts the same if someone did it on purpose or through neglect.

There's something fucking wrong with your husband. He sounds like a psychopath who enjoys hurting and frightening people, even his own child.

Edited to add: I think you should contact a domestic abuse charity about his clearly dangerous and unhinged behaviour and total lack of empathy and remorse. They may recommend reporting him to the police. I can see why you would be reluctant to end the relationship as that would leave your children exposed to his cruelty and violence (which he currently pretends are accidents) and it also sounds as though his mother is the same. Hopefully, a charity such as Women's Aid or Rights of Women could provide some legal advice about your horrible situation.

He sounds like one of those who won’t be told, eg he is always right. And the lack of accountability is a really rage inducing. Even if it was a bloody accident take some responsibility that you messed up.

that drives me up the fucking wall. My husband used to be like that. It was an accident, I didn't do it on purpose, I didn't intend to do it.

I lost my shit in the end and explained it to him like he was 5. Only with swearing.

I told him you don't have to purposefully do something in order for it to be your responsibility and/or your fault.
I said imagine you get into a car accident where you hit a parked car because you weren't paying attention, are you going to argue to the insurance company that it isn't your fault because you didn't intentionally ram the car?

It is ludicrous that such things need explaining to adults.

didn’t realise son was seriously hurt hence didn’t seek medical attention (lots of parents have done same)

But did those parents deliberately put their children in harms way

So what he can explain why it happened. Is he admitting he harmed you but won’t actually apologise for his actions . Afterall you are still hurt because of his actions and the reason why he did it is immaterial

I have come across these type of drivers before. Ones that roll slowly
forward not stopping or indicating you can safely make a right hand turn.

Maybe inform him that people just think he is a crap driver and a tw*t
My car isn’t exactly pristine and am not worried about prangs. . Occasionally when I am in the mood and someone does this rolling forward but not stopping I make the turn super slowly infront of these people forcing them to make a decision between continue to roll forward into my car which would likely do far greater damage to their car than mine or actually being forced to apply the brake and stop.

You’re assuming OP has even heard of dyspraxia.

@TanitaTikTokaram From the start of the thread dyspraxia was mentioned, from different posters, op didn’t ask what it was, l guess if she didn’t know would have then googled.
A friend’s child was diagnosed with dyspraxia, some years ago, l do understand a bit about this condition, l think the fact op’s partner, isn’t showing any remorse, won’t apologise, didn’t seem to be bothered when his son broke his arm, he’s coming across that he doesn’t care, very impatient.As far as as l’m aware, op hasn’t got back to say, whether her partner has injured himself, through struggling with coordination
Anyway, l feel op is in a really difficult situation, just hope, that she’s going to be ok.

If he's good at sports and has good hand eye coordination, I doubt this is dyspraxia. With his behaviour in the car towards pedestrians, I think it's more deliberate and with the injuries to you and his son, he's a danger to others.

Get checked by your doctor. You need to have all these injuries being officially recorded. Those records are admissable in court.

I think he is dangerous. He seems to want to hurt or scare people while setting it up to look accidental.

I couldn't be with a prat

It's not dyspraxia if he's good at sports and has good hand eye coordination. He sounds dangerous.

Sounds like a reckless man that does whatever he wants. Good luck with that, I don’t think you can change him. He thinks he is right.

Has he always been like this?

I reckon he might be a psychopath. That thing with pedestrians is highly suggestive

I'd just fear than one of these days he will roll right into a pedestrian. He sounds like a dick at best, positively dangerous at worst.

I can't help but think he's someone that enjoys hurting people and has found socially acceptable ways to do so.

Just another arsehole hurting his family in a sneaky way he thinks he can get away with.

Unfortunately if OP is determined to excuse it, her and her children will be hurt.

He is abusing them all.
She needs to tell her GP and contact Women's aid.

My husband and I have dubbed these moments 'minor inconveniences'.

Something of a tongue in cheek phrase for moments where he is an absolute clutz with no impulse control or ability to forsee negative consequences and I am usually the one in pain as a result. We have, over the years, agreed that even when you do not intentionally hurt someone it is still kind to apologise. As he previously always thought 'Well, I didn't mean to' was a sufficient response, even if he'd drawn blood.

Now we have a son who is exactly the same. Fun times!!