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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you tolerate DP spending £7k on World Cup trip?

704 replies

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:26

DP declared he is travelling to the World Cup and will be staying in Boston for 10 nights, to watch two games. He will miss DDs 2nd birthday. It will cost £4k for flights and hotels, perhaps around £2k spending money and maybe around £1k for tickets.

We have separate finances, I earn a bit more. We pay a percentage of our salary in to a joint account to cover joint bills.

How would you feel about this?

YABU = it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you can always earn more money
YANBU = I wouldn’t tolerate him treating himself to a £7k solo holiday

OP posts:
Summercocktailsgalore · 07/12/2025 18:56

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:34

Whilst we don’t have joint finances we have joint savings goals. For example, new carpets, get the garden done which now we won’t be able to afford to do because he’s getting himself in to debt and will spent the next however long paying it off. We also won’t be able to afford a family holiday for the next couple of years because I’m not prepared to pay for all of us. He doesn’t have £7k or anywhere close in savings so it will be going on a credit card

How selfish.
he has chosen to use a significant chunk of his annual leave on himself, not on his child and wife/partner.
he has chosen to delay your joint plans and decided his own interests outweigh spending time on holiday with his child.
Or is he hoping he can get into the pattern of I do what I want and you pay for everything joint, so a clever plan there. Setting a good pattern for the future. I do what I want and you make sure you pay for anything we wanted but I am too self absorbed to fund half of.

Howdiditenduplikeit · 07/12/2025 19:02

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:34

Whilst we don’t have joint finances we have joint savings goals. For example, new carpets, get the garden done which now we won’t be able to afford to do because he’s getting himself in to debt and will spent the next however long paying it off. We also won’t be able to afford a family holiday for the next couple of years because I’m not prepared to pay for all of us. He doesn’t have £7k or anywhere close in savings so it will be going on a credit card

Absolutely ridiculous, you have every right to be furious.

PistachioTiramisu · 07/12/2025 19:05

OP - you should know by now that everybody and everything has to bow down to the great god, football. I hate it with a passion - England will never win again because they are not very good. If he spends that much on a jolly, you do the same with a friend/s.

SpinningaCompass · 07/12/2025 19:10

He's placing his unaffordable 'wants' over your family's needs.

You need to spell that out to him.

He can't afford it.

His going ahead anyway will severely impact your own family's needs and mean no family holidays for at least two years, and your children won't be little forever. I'd make it clear you're not sure you can forgive such incredible selfishness and your marriage might well be at stake if he is determined to prioritise himself for an extravagant, unaffordable 'want' to the detriment of your family. He has responsibilities and he's dumping them all on you.

Gremlins101 · 07/12/2025 19:12

Absolutely not would this even be considered in our house. My husband spent maybe 600 on a trip for a gig this year. I spent similar on my long weekend away. No way would we get into debt or miss out on a family holiday because of a solo trip.

Tiswa · 07/12/2025 19:12

PistachioTiramisu · 07/12/2025 19:05

OP - you should know by now that everybody and everything has to bow down to the great god, football. I hate it with a passion - England will never win again because they are not very good. If he spends that much on a jolly, you do the same with a friend/s.

I mean they are 4th seed in the World Cup - have a route that if they play correctly avoids France/Spain/Norway until the final and Argentina until the semi finals it’s Brazil that is the one they face before then and they aren’t the Ronaldo/Ronaldinho powerhouse anymore either

SleeplessInWherever · 07/12/2025 19:13

Tiswa · 07/12/2025 19:12

I mean they are 4th seed in the World Cup - have a route that if they play correctly avoids France/Spain/Norway until the final and Argentina until the semi finals it’s Brazil that is the one they face before then and they aren’t the Ronaldo/Ronaldinho powerhouse anymore either

Show quote history

Do you mind? You’ve just nearly put me to sleep before I’ve finished my kids bath and bed routine! 😂

NellieJean · 07/12/2025 19:15

I know I’m the exception but I will never understand separate finances. We make all decisions together about finance and everything else. If DH wanted to do this we’d talk about it and it would be a joint decision. TBH I can’t imagine him wanting to spend £7k on himself.

Bingbongsingalong · 07/12/2025 19:16

I voted YABU purely because you asked from a money perspective and if you have separate finances then presumably it is his money to do as he wishes with. If you had asked from the POV of being annoyed about him missing your daughters birthday then I would have voted YANBU, because in my family this would be inexcusable because Birthdays are a big deal! I also would have voted YANBU if you didnt have separate finances, our finances are joint and there is no way either DH or I would spend that kind of money without a lot of conversations first!

Pipsquiggle · 07/12/2025 19:17

Honestly @Rigaboni this shows such a lack of financial acuity that I would seriously question whether he's a keeper.

I would have loved to have gone to loads of sporting events but I don't have the time or the finances therefore I watch it on the TV - like most people. Pre DC I might have gone to the pub.

Someone going into debt, spending money they don't have on something like this is pure stupidity. He should be concentrating on his DC & DP. Thank god you aren't married to him, sounds like he will drag you down.

NewYearSameMe16 · 07/12/2025 19:18

The issue isn’t DC’s birthday (you can celebrate that a few days ahead/after) but the fact he’d spend such a considerable amount of money without consulting you. Yes, finances are separate but this affects you as a family; have you sat him down to discuss how you feel about this?

I’d be going away without him; take a friend or family member if you don’t want to solo parent.

Pipsquiggle · 07/12/2025 19:25

NellieJean · 07/12/2025 19:15

I know I’m the exception but I will never understand separate finances. We make all decisions together about finance and everything else. If DH wanted to do this we’d talk about it and it would be a joint decision. TBH I can’t imagine him wanting to spend £7k on himself.

@NellieJean
They aren't married though.
I agree with shared finances once you are married.

Stillshepersisted · 07/12/2025 19:33

My husband is doing something similar (except I think it’s costing more) and like your situation we have a joint account, but have ‘spending money’ that we each get every month. He never spends much so he’s saved a bit and that’s how he’s paying for it. Our kids are older, but will have exams at that time and they are both neurodivergent. He asked me first though and I told him to go for it. Once in a lifetime thing. It is a shame he’ll miss your daughter’s birthday, but she’s very very little, it would be maybe a bit more of a big deal if she was 4 or 5. I don’t mean to sound callous at all, but as long as he makes up for it when he comes back with a special treat it wouldn’t bother me enormously. In saying that, my husband works away a lot and missed a very big birthday of mine as a result. I’m rather used to it

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/12/2025 19:34

Was listening to this being talked about on the radio this morning. Lots of references to 'dynamic pricing' (also known as 'soaking the keen') and US hotels insisting on minimum number of nights stay in order for them to maximise their income from the fools football tourists. The consensus seemed to be that anyone going was going to be out an absolute fortune.

And he's "booked flights and accommodation already"? I'd be bloody furious, because his jolly impacts your joint life. And I say that as a Scot.

FlyingCatGirl · 07/12/2025 19:37

Rigaboni · 06/12/2025 18:34

Whilst we don’t have joint finances we have joint savings goals. For example, new carpets, get the garden done which now we won’t be able to afford to do because he’s getting himself in to debt and will spent the next however long paying it off. We also won’t be able to afford a family holiday for the next couple of years because I’m not prepared to pay for all of us. He doesn’t have £7k or anywhere close in savings so it will be going on a credit card

I would hate to be disadvantaged like that and my partner run up debt! I like to use my annual to travel too and I'd be annoyed if my partner wanted to waste 10 days of it sitting around in Boston for 3 hours of football and the left us unable to travel for years whilst he paid the debt back.

Horserider5678 · 07/12/2025 19:38

ChristmasHug · 06/12/2025 18:29

Yes I would, as a once in a lifetime thing with friends or family. So that answers your question.

But not missing dds birthday. Not at that age. I'd be livid.

At 2 her child won’t even notice! Personally as it’s his money he’s used and not joint finances, I can’t see the issue!

Stillshepersisted · 07/12/2025 19:39

Actually I have now just seen that he can’t actually afford it and is putting it on a credit card. Totally different. Not cool at all. If it’s going to impact all of you for a number of years then that’s really selfish.

KrimboBell · 07/12/2025 19:41

If he is football mad and has always followed Scotland and you can afford it as a family then I don’t think I’d have a problem with it.

August1980 · 07/12/2025 19:41

Are you married OP?

ArtfulTaupeGoose · 07/12/2025 19:42

If you have separate finances then he can spend his own money how he likes...my OH and I have our own money and I wouldn't dream of telling him how he can spend his (I wasn't thrilled with a boat mind, but he didnt flinch at my girls week trip either)
Surely that is the point of keeping money separate.
Also, Scotland getting to the World Cup is a pretty big deal...and I say that as an English person!

Isamummy2021 · 07/12/2025 19:45

He's putting it on credit don't we all want things we can't afford but put family first! he needs to grow up

TidyCyan · 07/12/2025 19:47

ArtfulTaupeGoose · 07/12/2025 19:42

If you have separate finances then he can spend his own money how he likes...my OH and I have our own money and I wouldn't dream of telling him how he can spend his (I wasn't thrilled with a boat mind, but he didnt flinch at my girls week trip either)
Surely that is the point of keeping money separate.
Also, Scotland getting to the World Cup is a pretty big deal...and I say that as an English person!

His own money should be what he has left after agreed amounts each into joint account for house repairs and family holidays. Not thousands on a credit card and then saying he can't save anything for the next few months because of it.

sittingonabeach · 07/12/2025 19:48

@ArtfulTaupeGoose they are meant to have joint savings and him getting into debt for this has blown any family holidays etc for a few years

Therealjudgejudy · 07/12/2025 19:52

Did he discuss any of this with you op, or did he just go ahead and book it?

Such a selfish thing to do...

Thefsm · 07/12/2025 19:53

Under no corcumstances would I travel to America right now. And I live over here. It is gone to hell and not safe and does not deserve international support or money coming in. Boycott with your feet. I would if I weren’t stuck in this civil rights nightmare.