Would you tolerate DP spending £7k on World Cup trip?

[Rigaboni]

DP declared he is travelling to the World Cup and will be staying in Boston for 10 nights, to watch two games. He will miss DDs 2nd birthday. It will cost £4k for flights and hotels, perhaps around £2k spending money and maybe around £1k for tickets.

We have separate finances, I earn a bit more. We pay a percentage of our salary in to a joint account to cover joint bills.

How would you feel about this?

YABU = it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and you can always earn more money
YANBU = I wouldn’t tolerate him treating himself to a £7k solo holiday

If you are okay with the actual idea of him going away for ten days, then the only unreasonable thing is the cost - £4k for flights and hotel seems ridiculous - it was only £2500 for DH and I for flights and 10 nights in a decent hotel in NY, and less than £3k spending money (and we didn't skimp). I'd suggest his only real unreasonableness is not shopping for a better bargain.

9 nights from Glasgow, incl breakfast, for £2600 pp - this would be covered by his savings/bonus, so he'd only need to find money for tickets/spending.
https://www.lastminute.com/s/tsx/2490020?businessProfileId=HOLIDAYSLASTMINUTECOUK&seed=f03465f0&source=csw&searchId=t1765187676024c967&bfSubSource=S01HPV10S10RR02&pageType=hotelDetail&destination=147675&dateFrom=2026-06-12&dateTo=2026-06-21&origin=GLA&searchMode=DP&sort=price_asc&adults=2&abTestName=cux_3313_DP_nearby_airports&abTestVariant=P&vcSearchId=406044145&map_area=MAPSEARCH%2C42.40304447503607%2C-71.16530336974853%2C42.29995930645768%2C-70.98304695169561&departureIntervals=20260612-20260621&extReferenceId=t1765187676024c967&extReferenceType=TSX&clickId=oss_t1765187785977c967t17&transportId=717315223091570688SCHv01550778532

Adding another comment as didnt know before my previous one it was a CC purchase. He should wait til the next WC is in Europe and do a few days. A trip to America can be a once in a life time trip and it should be all of you going for a holiday not a couple footy matches. 10 days is extreme for the reason he's going. Selfish 🌵

Missing his daughters birthday is bloody selfish for football .
If its separate finances I take it you can go and do something special that you would like which costs a lot too.
Think about it if that's the life he wants to lead .
I wouldn't be missing my daughter's birthday for anything .

In your situation I won't. I don't think he can afford to go.

I don't think you really have or should have separate finance - maybe having some shared savings account with money pencilmarked for the agreed goals would be a better representation of your intentions?

And having a realistic agreement of how much you can afford to spend for personal fun would help as well.

I've stayed in that hotel. It's 45 minutes on public transport to central Boston, and 2 hours to the Gilette Stadium. It's really aimed at people visiting Boston University, going to concerts or hockey games there.

I suppose if you wanted to spend your holidays sitting on the T, sweltering, it would be OK, but it's a bit like booking a hotel in Walton-on-Thames for your holiday in London.

Not sure carpets should be the priority. They will be filthy in no time and full of dust. The current ones will be OK. Paving slabs for the garden cost much less than 7K.

7K is a lot of money to spend unless it includes the beer money, which will be substantial.

Scotland are unlikely to achieve this feat again in my lifetime. Just getting to the world cup is like winning it, so I am not surprised that the Tartan Army will be going out there in numbers.

From my experience of the US it does not have the sort of layout football fans from Europe like, ie city centres a short walk from the stadium with lots of bars and pedestrian areas where lots of people can meet up for a quiet after match drink. That might dampen the experience a bit.

@GasPanic as he is putting it on credit card, it's not like they have £7k to spare for carpets. garden etc at the moment. They also now can't afford family holiday which I would prioritise over solo trip to US.

We've just had some garden work done including new patio and that has cost more than £7k, so depends what needs doing

Because of your separate finances arrangement if it’s his money it’s his choice. Assuming it is his money being used for trip. So the sore point is that he is prioritising football above your family and missing your 2yo’s birthday.

you could do likewise and announce you are arranging a holiday with girlfriends for some exotic location- Maldives? Or maybe Iceland or Lapland with your kids? Go touché :)

incidentally in the eyes of the law if you are married the separate finances thing is pointless as all of your incomings and assets are considered jointly and from a 50/50 starting point regardless of how they are practically organised

I would just shift 2yr olds party to the day after he comes back and invite everyone I know and ALL their kids

@Rigaboni My husband will go as well and me and baby will not as I find it too much. He is going every time since the one in Russia. In Qatar we went together. Now in our case he is a high earner and we have more than enough savings not to worry for this. He is rarely does things for himself. He would never go on debt to do such trip though or loose our sons birthday

Mine wouldn’t, he’s far too tight 😁, but I’d have no issue with his spending that money as long as we had it, and it wasn’t our only savings.

I don’t see a big issue with missing a 2 year olds birthday, as long as it doesn’t become a belief birthdays are there to be missed

I'm surprised so many are saying yabu tbh! Yes, on the one hand and in theory it's his money. But it's not really, is it? It's a credit card because he doesn't earn enough to have savings. And while he's paying it off, op will presumably be expected to fund the shortfall for things like household maintenance, house improvements, weekends away or days out etc - for the whole family. Separate finances or not, there's usually a conversation that take place prior to big expenditure that looks at the impact of the decision beyond the one spending the money. Op's dh has taken a completely selfish and wholly inappropriate approach to this.

Op, totally separate finances are all well and good until something like this happens. And it tends to be men that make frivolous decisions like this without any consideration. Time to redraw boundaries. Something like separate current accounts, bills split proportionate to earnings, a small personal allowance and the rest is family money. Big spends agreed in advance. Works in our house.

From your post I assume that he/you are Scottish. The euphoria in Scotland is tangible. For him it is a once in lifetime/generation opportunity.
He is unlikely to get tickets for more than one match and would be better off at home watching in familiar surroundings.
However a solution might be to join him in Boston thus you also get a holiday, he doesn't miss DC's birthday; and less chance of making the headlines for a laddish prank that got out of hand.

@BeserkingTuesday and how will they pay for that?

If we want to be pedantic their little one's second birthday is a once in a lifetime too, as their 2nd birthday only happens once

A two year old won’t even remember her birthday.

No one "needs" to spend 7K on a patio.

Same as no one "needs" to spend 7K going to the world cup.

YANBU
Having read all your posts it's clear that he puts himself and his pleasure above you and your daughter. That is a red flag. (Or in this context is it a red card?!)
He booked this without discussing it with you, assuming you'd be ok with childcare cover for the whole time he is away and that fact that his credit card debt would prevent him contributing to the joint family home upgrades you had discussed, or even any potential joint family holidays. Another red flag/card.
He has left you to organise and be there for your daughter's birthday..although she won't remember that birthday it says a lot about how he values you and her. Red flag/card again.
I'm in Scotland too so I know how much this matters to the Scotland football fans (the team are pretty rubbish though- tbh they'll be lucky to get past the next stage). But your DP has behaved in this situation as though he is still a single man. He has prioritised his football team over his family. Sorry, but that would call into question a lot about the relationship if I were in your shoes. The big question therefore is-can you tolerate his behaviour and carry on or is this a deal breaker? It won't be healthy for you or your relationship if you let your resentment/anger/hurt fester for the months prior to, during and after his football trip. The reality seems to be that he has already decided what he wants. Now it's your turn to decide if this is what YOU want.

Haven’t read the full thread but given he will be travelling to Boston I can safely assume he is going to follow Scotland, and having not been to a World Cup in 28 years I would let it slide. You will not be the only wife in Scotland/married to a Scotsman that will face this dilemma in 2026.

@Adsy1988 maybe you should read the OP's posts where he will be putting them in debt. And why do men get a free pass to do this, to waltz off to watch football, get a family into debt, assume (without checking) that mum will do all childcare whilst away and ignore the fact that the family won't be going on holiday for a few years and afford any house maintenance, just so he can go and watch some men kick a ball about (and I like football but I would never put our family into this position)

We have separate finances, and can each do what we like as long as a) we can afford it and b) it won’t stop us doing something together. I have had may girls holidays, I never ask permission, I just say “I’m going to x on x with the girls”, and he has had a few boys holidays. We would both check diaries first to make sure it’s isn’t clash - the challenge you have is he can’t really choose the date as it’s for the World Cup.

We don’t have kids, but my friends I go away with do.

Now you’ve said he can’t actually afford to go, that’s a different matter. I would be annoyed if he was getting into debt for it and it was going to impact family finances.

@Donsyb he hasn't checked anything with OP. He can't afford it and when you have DC you don't just assume that the other parent can do all childcare. In fact if other parent works it should be up to the one going away to ensure that childcare is in place (and that doesn't always mean the other parent)

You're in a relationship with a man-child who doesn't give a damn about you and your daughter. Thankfully you don't appear to be married. I'd get your ducks in a row re somewhere to live, let him go, use that time to move out, and he can come back to find out that he has an ex-partner and will be paying maintenance from now on. Life will be easier with one child rather than the two you have now.

Would he mind if you did the same? Including missing out on your daughter's birthday? I think not.