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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To send this to a married man

1000 replies

IslaSkywalker · 06/12/2025 10:54

It's been sent but I'd like to see what people say.

A man who's turned out to be married has been chatting with me and arranging to meet. Also being very flirty and sexual toned in conversation that I did not like and sent unsolicited "pictures." Guess what type.

He's been sent a moonpig postcard telling him to stop flirting and messing around in the new year and not to send pictures of his bits and pieces to women who've not asked.

I can't believe he's only done it the once. I chose a postcard because of the embarrassment factor. The postman will see it and it'd make him look a fool explaining to his wife if she picks it up from the mat.

Not bitter or jealous, he's a complete tool who I don't want. AT ALL.

OP posts:
MrMucker · 06/12/2025 13:05

Reading back the story again, I can see at least 30 very clear reasons why real life beats the Internet every time.
Aside from how revolting men can be, 30 reasons to opt for real life all in one scenario equals someone who just needs to get out into the real world to find actual fulfillment.

IslaSkywalker · 06/12/2025 13:05

Climbingrosexx · 06/12/2025 13:00

I have been that wife and this is not how I would want to find out my husband was a sleazy creep, Just before Christmas? She probably has enough going on especially if they do have kids. This was just cruel. Why did OP not block him instead of keep texting and accepting disgusting pics? She clearly got involved somehow with a married man although the details in the original post are not clear. She actually sounds like someone who has been binned off and acted out of jealousy and spite

I did not keep texting and accepting disgusting pics. I tried to grey rock the comments but they got worse followed by a picture of his willy. Then he was blocked.

I'm sad that you seem to be blaming the woman in your own story instead of your pig of a husband.

OP posts:
Giddykiddy · 06/12/2025 13:06

Oooh nasty!

DressOrSkirt · 06/12/2025 13:06

Climbingrosexx · 06/12/2025 13:00

I have been that wife and this is not how I would want to find out my husband was a sleazy creep, Just before Christmas? She probably has enough going on especially if they do have kids. This was just cruel. Why did OP not block him instead of keep texting and accepting disgusting pics? She clearly got involved somehow with a married man although the details in the original post are not clear. She actually sounds like someone who has been binned off and acted out of jealousy and spite

Just before Christmas
Not OP's fault HE did this just before Christmas.

accepting disgusting pics
Don't blame OP for being sent unsolicited dick pics

LizzieSiddal · 06/12/2025 13:07

Outside9 · 06/12/2025 11:14

Ruining his family's life won't make yours any better.

The cheating flasher has done that all by himself.

@IslaSkywalker Ignore those saying you should just block and ignore. THAT’s HOW MEN GET AWAY WITH THIS REVOLTING BEHAVIOUR.

Women need to embarrass and shout about these men!!

LizzieSiddal · 06/12/2025 13:08

There’s so much pathetic victim blaming and deflection on this thread. I think you’ve done a brilliant thing @IslaSkywalker

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 06/12/2025 13:09

Well I think you've done the right thing @IslaSkywalker

Climbingrosexx · 06/12/2025 13:09

bigboykitty · 06/12/2025 13:05

Yes, what a shame he didn't keep his dick in his pants. Also that he couldn't stop himself sharing personally identifiable information. What a cunt for doing that to his wife and to the OP

You are missing the blindingly obvious, she said the conversation turned raunchy which suggests for a while there were texts going back and to. Its easy to stop this just BLOCK HIM she clearly didn't or she would not have received multiple pictures. Geeze only on MN can women turn against eachother like this

BunnyLake · 06/12/2025 13:09

IslaSkywalker · 06/12/2025 12:46

I know for an absolute fact this is his real name and his real address and I have the correct property. I'm not going into finite detail but I know I have the right information. He's also on Companies House.

Edited

How long have you known him?

Differentforgirls · 06/12/2025 13:10

Marieb19 · 06/12/2025 12:20

Why have you been flirting with a married man? As soon as you found out, or received unsolicited raunchy messages and pictures you could have told him to f××k off and/or block him. You obviously did neither but are happy to destroy his wife and children out if misplaced spite. You need help. Or a soul.

He's the cheat here, not the OP!

StruggleFlourish · 06/12/2025 13:11

OP, I find this to be the weirdest discussion in so much that there is SO MUCH DISCUSSION about this.

Accusing you of being bitter or jealous...
jealous of what? Bitter? For what, finding out that he's married?
Accusing you of destroying a family, traumatizing (possible but non-existent in this case) children...
No, he is ruining his family. He is the one who is soliciting other women and sending them unwanted dick pics, he's the one destroying his family, not the unwanted source of attention.

But "sending a postcard was attention seeking"? Or that somehow this was going to give him a turn on? That you going through the trouble of getting a postcard and putting his address on it putting a stamp on it and putting it in the mail was somehow validating that you're ga ga over him and that makes him feel like a big man?
Oh ffs!
You did the detective work to find out his address and name as he gave you the information... And by sending a postcard, anyone else who happens to glance at it will know his dirty business.

And if people are arguing that what if the post office accidentally delivers it to the wrong house, you're going to ruin somebody's life? Hello? It's got the guy's name on it. What if I was accidentally sent the wrong piece of mail to my house that had somebody else's name and address on it that said that I had a serious disease, and I go what? And then I look and I say oh that's not me....

Honestly, what you did probably gave you a sense of "take that, you wanker" empowerment. And why the heck not.
I don't know if going to the police will solve anything, I didn't really commit any type of major crime, this is really more of a nuisance crime, and more than likely police are too busy for this type of thing but, if you think you'll get somewhere with it, teach this arse a lesson...

In a perfect world, it would go on record that he's been sending unsolicited sexual images to women, so he'd have some type of record, as he said there were no children there really are no children involved, and his wife who may not have known what kind of a scuz this guy is, at least knows.
And, although unlikely, in a perfect world the mailman would read the postcard, and then tell all the friends and neighbors what a jerk this guy is then the entire neighborhood turns against him.
Highly unlikely and unprofessional but hey, one can always fantasize.

I don't think what you did was bad. In fact, I might have done the same thing. But there's certainly are a lot of opinions out there that this wasn't the right thing to do and I'm just really surprised by that. But everyone's entitled to their opinion. So I wanted to share with you, mine.

Zov · 06/12/2025 13:11

@IslaSkywalker

I am gobsmacked that 60% of people voting think YANBU! 😬

What you've done is utterly batshit.

I was about to ask how you know his address.

Because he was showing off about his house. He sent pictures of that. A quick check online reveals he's not living there by himself.

He sent pictures of his house to you? Confused

Sounds like you reversed the image and tried to find his house on Google Maps/streetview, and then on top of that, you've gone onto the internet to look at who lives there. So you know his full name as well now too........? And his wife's by the look of it.

As previous posters have said, you sound like an obsessive stalker... What you're doing is not healthy or normal... And sending the Moonpig card with the message you sent in it, is peak batshit.

Also... This is the most batshit thread of the month so far...

.

ADHDdiagnosis · 06/12/2025 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LizzieSiddal · 06/12/2025 13:13

Climbingrosexx · 06/12/2025 13:09

You are missing the blindingly obvious, she said the conversation turned raunchy which suggests for a while there were texts going back and to. Its easy to stop this just BLOCK HIM she clearly didn't or she would not have received multiple pictures. Geeze only on MN can women turn against eachother like this

Yes block if that’s what you want to do but if you want to be brave and teach this revolting, cheating asshole a lesson, then expose him for what he is. And don’t have a go at brave women for doing that.

NeatJoker · 06/12/2025 13:15

I think if you’re going to tell the wife what’s going on, and you can easily argue she has a right to know and you to tell, this is a very uncontrolled and risky way to do so. A child/teenager could see it and confront dad - that could lead to awful situation of bribery, secrecy, stress, divided loyalties etc etc. Possibly even threats and violence not to tell mum. Too may unknown variables.

bigboykitty · 06/12/2025 13:17

Climbingrosexx · 06/12/2025 13:09

You are missing the blindingly obvious, she said the conversation turned raunchy which suggests for a while there were texts going back and to. Its easy to stop this just BLOCK HIM she clearly didn't or she would not have received multiple pictures. Geeze only on MN can women turn against eachother like this

Stop blaming the victim!

IslaSkywalker · 06/12/2025 13:18

Climbingrosexx · 06/12/2025 13:09

You are missing the blindingly obvious, she said the conversation turned raunchy which suggests for a while there were texts going back and to. Its easy to stop this just BLOCK HIM she clearly didn't or she would not have received multiple pictures. Geeze only on MN can women turn against eachother like this

I didn't receive multiple pictures of that nature. There were good morning good night messages from him. He sent pictures of his car, at work and then his house. I now think that was to try to make me feel impressed so I would send him pictures myself and be receptive to and send nudes. I sent him some of my cat and he said nice pussy that gave me pause. This was after he'd asked for us to meet. Then they graduated in tone capped off with the piece de resistance. Then I blocked him.

OP posts:
Spookyspaghetti · 06/12/2025 13:18

NeatJoker · 06/12/2025 11:25

What if that wasn’t his real house or address?

Maybe op will get a knock from the police instead. Moonpig isn’t exactly anonymous!

Bradley28 · 06/12/2025 13:19

If I was his wife receiving your postcard, I’d probably be more concerned that you might turn up at the house and do some damage. I’d be protecting myself and my husband from your possible ongoing behaviour, rather than initially being concerned about him being an idiot.

Alittlefrustrated · 06/12/2025 13:19

Katflapkit · 06/12/2025 11:33

Moonpig! People are being so melodramatic. He will laugh it off, say it was a prank and get one of his mates to say they did it as a joke.

This.

PersephonePomegranate · 06/12/2025 13:21

IslaSkywalker · 06/12/2025 12:00

Unhinged is a mn favourite stock phrase isn't it?

And not at all misogynistic, eh?

2025 MN: Don't like a woman's persepctive? Must be unhinged.

1825 England: wife not towing the line and behaving in an indignified manner? Send her to the madhouse.

DressOrSkirt · 06/12/2025 13:21

Zov · 06/12/2025 13:11

@IslaSkywalker

I am gobsmacked that 60% of people voting think YANBU! 😬

What you've done is utterly batshit.

I was about to ask how you know his address.

Because he was showing off about his house. He sent pictures of that. A quick check online reveals he's not living there by himself.

He sent pictures of his house to you? Confused

Sounds like you reversed the image and tried to find his house on Google Maps/streetview, and then on top of that, you've gone onto the internet to look at who lives there. So you know his full name as well now too........? And his wife's by the look of it.

As previous posters have said, you sound like an obsessive stalker... What you're doing is not healthy or normal... And sending the Moonpig card with the message you sent in it, is peak batshit.

Also... This is the most batshit thread of the month so far...

.

Edited

Googling a man you're messaging is not stalkerish, it's really sensible.

ThatCyanCat · 06/12/2025 13:22

This reminds me of a thread the other day about revealing an affair in a Christmas round robin.

I'm not a fan of big, performative actions designed to cause lots of drama and involve lots of people around things like this. You rarely get the outcome and reactions you want, people rarely see and receive it the way you want them to, it has the capacity to cause even more trouble and the only benefit is the person who did it getting a brief good feeling of it that's more likely than not to turn into a lonely damp squib when the anticipated fireworks either fail to go as planned or just don't appear at all.

TheMorgenmuffel · 06/12/2025 13:23

Alittlefrustrated · 06/12/2025 13:19

This.

Moonpig lets you upload images so maybe she uploaded his dick pic.

SparklyRedZebra · 06/12/2025 13:23

OP you’ve done this for the thrill of it and the drama only. Once this has died off and wasn’t as exciting as you expected you are telling us all on here to get extra kicks from it. No doubt expecting ‘go queen’ type reactions and it’s not going the way you wanted. Seriously go out and see your mates or go the gym- you have too much time on your hands.

All these going on about patriarchy and supporting other women- not a single one of you mention supporting his wife (who will no doubt be the one picking this up from the doorstep) which I find very interesting.

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