To send this to a married man

[IslaSkywalker]

It's been sent but I'd like to see what people say.

A man who's turned out to be married has been chatting with me and arranging to meet. Also being very flirty and sexual toned in conversation that I did not like and sent unsolicited "pictures." Guess what type.

He's been sent a moonpig postcard telling him to stop flirting and messing around in the new year and not to send pictures of his bits and pieces to women who've not asked.

I can't believe he's only done it the once. I chose a postcard because of the embarrassment factor. The postman will see it and it'd make him look a fool explaining to his wife if she picks it up from the mat.

Not bitter or jealous, he's a complete tool who I don't want. AT ALL.

Less traumatic then having the police turn up for a chat with daddy.

You have potentially thrown a grenade into someones marriage. He might be a knob and deserve this but does his wife?

You might think she has a right to know but if she is not a close friend of yours that was not your decision to make.

You have made it look like you have an agenda other than to embarrass him.

Yes this is exactly what happened to me in my younger days when I thought revenge was funny and "he deserves it". People assume everyone is normal/not going to react/will remain calm/OW will be left alone. As per my previous post, all the blame was put onto me to protect the husband, and I was severely threatened. It was an absolutely horrible time and I wished I'd never reacted out of anger when I found out he was married. You can't assume people will react normally and the wife will just blame her husband. In my case his entire family turned on me, and there were so damn many of them.

So you think hes married because someone with the same name as him lives at the address too, which is a fair assumption but he has not told you he is. So in theory he could have 5 kids, just because he hasn't told you about those either doesn't mean there are no children in the house. So you've taken a huge gamble, or not really thought about anyone else but yourself.

I don't think the post card is cute or funny and I don't think it will make the impact you think. The postman is unlikely to read it, or care.

Did you report them to the police?

It’s often been said these sleazy creeps pretend they’re looking for a LTR because they think it attracts a better standard of women. Then once they’ve given their spiel, the sleaze starts and they push boundaries to see what they can get away with.

I guess he was willing to take the risk that something like this might happen.

Ah that’s it, my memory is hazy.

No, a cheater is not (necessarily) the same as a ‘dangerous predator’ but it sounds like you did blindly trust a man when the red flags of ‘being convicted’ and ‘being detained’ weren’t there. No shame in that, I just found it ironic.

His name is not John Smith or anything like that.

Yes women do deserve to know that their husbands are sleazy creeps trawling dating apps for women they can send photos of their dick to.

The only ones throwing a grenade into a marriage are the twats who behave like this.

Just before Xmas too. Someone’s whole world just got blown up.

If anyone sends you unsolicited dick pics he’s lucky you didn’t send them to the police. I used to be far more tolerant but not now plus what if you open them at work or in front of family or on public transport ?

I recall going ape at one guy for sending one out of the blue and he told me to calm down so I said say that to the police you dirty old flasher. (I didn’t report it but he didn’t know I hadn’t and I hope he sweated!)

Yes, the name calling of the OP by other women is appalling.

I can absolutely assure you it did. Why do you think that anyway? Do you think all posts are made up for a laugh? Rather defeats the purpose of the forum in the first place doesn't it?

You can tell that the convicted rapists and paedophiles that you meet in your job are rapists and peadophiles? I mean... well done, I guess

I think that's an awful thing to do.
Yes, he's a sleaze but the thing to do with people like that is block them and that's the end of it.
His kids might see that postcard.
The postman won't give a shit.
His wife might see and ask about it but all he's going to do is pass it off as one of his friends playing a practical joke on him.
Nothing will happen to him as a result of you sending this postcard. He'll continue as before.

I did, yes. They were making real threats of bodily harm whereas all I'd done is send the evidence to the wife. The husband was the one who ended up arrested! And even after that he still tried to restart with me!

Hmmm.. I think it makes her look like someone who has had enough of being harassed and has escalated a step in the hope he finally gets the message.

I also think it is very convenient for the patriarchy that any woman who mentions that a man is behaving inappropriately or cheating is "mad" or "vindictive" if she mentions it......
It isn't "dignified" to cover up for shitty male behaviour, it is just helping them get away with it, like they want you to.

To be honest, there's a hell of a lot of stuff made up on Mumsnet at the moment. A lot of posts are indeed made up for a laugh and a lot of posts are deliberately goady.
I don't think yours is made up but you can see why others might think it is when so many posts these days are obvious bollocks.

If people think a post is made up bollocks they are supposed to report it, not troll hunt on the thread.

I have been that wife and this is not how I would want to find out my husband was a sleazy creep, Just before Christmas? She probably has enough going on especially if they do have kids. This was just cruel. Why did OP not block him instead of keep texting and accepting disgusting pics? She clearly got involved somehow with a married man although the details in the original post are not clear. She actually sounds like someone who has been binned off and acted out of jealousy and spite

When people behave badly you have to take it seriously, not create more drama and silliness. Telling his wife wouldn't be a bad thing to do, telling him not to do it again would be fine, telling the police would be appropriate (if he genuinely sent dick pics with no encouragement). I don't thinking the postcard is a great idea.

If someone stole from me, say, or I suspected they'd scratched my car or bullied my child I wouldn't send them a silly postcard. Either you have suffered harm and want his behaviour properly addressed, in which case go through proper channels, or you don't, in which case leave it.

Misogyny is centring the man who's involved in this.

Dropping a potential bomb into another unsuspecting woman's life with no context & no opportunity to find out what's happened, solely to piss off a man, is not a feminist act.

Just report the twat to the police for the dick pics, to hopefully stop him doing it to other women & this will alert the wife/partner with a bit of evidence. Job done without the drama.

Well, you have been busy and I imagine he could be just as busy and find out where you live or work.

I think you have been foolish and it could come back to bite you.

I hope not but most people are traceable these days and , even if he wasn't able to trace you himself, he could hire a private detective who would be able to so in short order.

You might think he wouldn't do that but a man who has seen his family blown up-he won't blame himself, he will blame you-just before Christmas could be quite motivated to find you.

Yes, what a shame he didn't keep his dick in his pants. Also that he couldn't stop himself sharing personally identifiable information. What a cunt for doing that to his wife and to the OP