To send this to a married man

[IslaSkywalker]

It's been sent but I'd like to see what people say.

A man who's turned out to be married has been chatting with me and arranging to meet. Also being very flirty and sexual toned in conversation that I did not like and sent unsolicited "pictures." Guess what type.

He's been sent a moonpig postcard telling him to stop flirting and messing around in the new year and not to send pictures of his bits and pieces to women who've not asked.

I can't believe he's only done it the once. I chose a postcard because of the embarrassment factor. The postman will see it and it'd make him look a fool explaining to his wife if she picks it up from the mat.

Not bitter or jealous, he's a complete tool who I don't want. AT ALL.

More irony.

Nasty…

Bitch? Well aren’t you lovely.

There are an awful lot of women in this thread with very low bars.

To be fair, Mumsnet attracts all sorts, and I imagine, both sexes.

If he’s lied about his wife/life you cannot be sure there aren’t children there. I wouldn’t have sent a card- or if I did I’d sent it to his workplace.

You haven’t been to the house or met him in real life, I wouldn’t have entertained the texts in the first place. I’d have blocked after the first 🐓 I wouldn’t bother reporting it to the police either (personally) they have enough to deal with and if you do, you’ll have to cough about the card. It’s just cat and mouse. It’s overkill for someone you’ve never met.

Some wives know their husbands cheat- they stay for the lifestyle/ children/ money/ being thankful they don’t have to go to bed with them.
Does the moon pig have your details on it? The wife may make contact so be prepared. I have a friend who has been through similar and both parties were left reeling after she involved both employers in the situation.

Wait, why is the OP getting so much shit? Yes it may destroy a marriage, devastate the wife, but THAT IS ON HER DISGUSTING HUSBAND. If it were my disgusting husband, I'd rather find out now rather than 10 years, 5 affairs, and 247 unsolicited dick pics later.

I've reported a lot of the direct personal attacks on this thread but nothing has happened overnight. Mumsnet should take the opportunity to get rid of people who are not genuine posters.

I don’t think there’s anything am wrong with googling potential dates, for information that is freely available online, to ensure they are who they say they. It’s actually quite sensible now that we largely meet people online, with no one in real life to vouch for them.

What would you have preferred – a letter addressed to you, a social media message or an anonymous postcard on your doormat?

It’s really hard to work out why people on this thread are confusing moonpig postcard with not being told at all. No one is disputing that the husband is scum. But if the reveal is supposed to be for his wife’s benefit, then a moonpig post isn’t it. It was all for the man’s benefit (and for the bloody postman’s benefit too, it seems).

It removes the wife’s choice to deal with it on her terms, that should 100% be her right. Many betrayed women need the chance and time to gather evidence themselves – messages that might not yet have been deleted, financial information that might not yet have been squirrelled away, money into a savings account, understanding options from a solicitor to make the best choices, the choice of how to break it to your children.

Husband is scum, but OP has actively chosen to eradicate the above course of reveal. Both can be true. And both are.

So would I, but I'd be livid if that information came to my children before it came to me because that is unfair on them and unfair to me. There are plenty of ways op could have delivered this news such as a letter to the wife. Facebook messenger to her. She could have done it in a way that let her know but didn't risk their 10yo reading it on the doormat before anyone else saw it. I have been that woman and I would have ditched the husband and blamed him for his actions but I'd have also felt that op was unnecessarily spiteful and malicious in her intentions. It's like this ridiculous notion that gets bandied about on MN that we can never blame the OW for knowingly participating in an affair because its only on the husband and to hold her accountable as well is misogynistic. Utter nonsense.

No there are not, some of us have been on the receiving end of a cheating husband and we know this is not the way to go about things. Let's be honest OP does not give a flying one about his wife she has done it for vengeance and her own satisfaction. It may or may not backfire.

She claims to be absolutely certain this has gone to the correct house but there is also a danger he has given a false name or thats not his house. Unless she has seen his name next to his face or a picture of him with the car or house how can she be 100% certain? I know if something like this landed on our mat we would be going straight to the police or even a private prosecution depending on how much damage was done. My dh is in a position of trust and his livelihood depends on reputation and a clean DBS check. As it was sent from moonpig it would be traceable and with the right investigations it would become clear if it was received by an innocent man.

@Climbingrosexx He's on a company website with his name and face.

'Were not was...'
How rude. 'Was' is perfectly acceptable colloquial language in this context in some parts of the country. And I'd argue that social media posts lend themselves to colloquial language.
Sadly, accent bias is alive and kicking.
(Alternatively, the poster made a mistake - and if they did, so what?)

😆😆 have you read that poster's selection of messages? And you think picking on a grammar error is rude in comparison to their personal attacks?

You don't KNOW it's him ffs

He sent some photos that could easily have been on his FB or Insta with a link to his house for sale (from 8 years ago???) which might well be something he'd also shared - a friend or follower who was trying to impress could then have used these because they're more impressive than their own life.

You might have just sent it to a completely innocent man who's wife, even if she decides it's a prank, will be forever suspicious and that ruins a marriage

Or that "woman with the same name that isn't his mother" could be his sister, his ex wife who he's currently divorcing, a grown up daughter... how do you even know it's not his mother?

Seems like he gave you a suspiciously large amount of information for a man supposedly cheating tbh

And - when a conversation with a stranger online veers into territory you're not comfortable with - be it getting too sexual, asking to meet when you don't want to, pushing topics or agenda you don't agree with or whatever. Don't grey rock, just block. You should have just blocked him when the conversation turned because you clearly weren't on the same page

Where do people say "was" instead of "were"?

@BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind See my comment to climbingrosexx a few posts up. And 192 shows him living there consistently and currently.

Ah, no I haven't seen their other messages. Fair point.
I did also want to say, OP, that I'm sorry about the amount of flak you're getting on here. Sadly, I'm not surprised. MN really isn't the safe space it purports to be.
Personally I wouldn't have sent the postcard (although going to the police is a good move) but I completely understand why you did it. You're quite rightly angry and upset. I would be too. Unsolicited dick pics are the modern equivalent of flashing and as such they are sexual aggression that no woman should tolerate.
I hope the nasty little man gets his just desserts.

But how do you know it’s actually him OP as @BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind just stated.
You don’t know, he could have used the online identity of a stranger as many people who do this sort of chat do, they want to appear rich and successful when in actual fact they’re the opposite.
You could have made a huge mistake here.

I've answered that this morning. I see what you mean though.

You’ve not answered about why you
presume he was telling the truth about having no kids, when he wasn’t telling the truth about having no wife.

So now it seems that this guy has stolen someone's identity, that of a happily married faithful family man. Well I guess he could, but it's a stretch. And if he has then I can't imagine I'm the only woman he's been in contact with in this fashion.

@IslaSkywalker Why are you not responding to anyone on the method you chose to reveal even though it’s been one of the main subjects of comment? You asked the question, after all.

You’re only answering people accusing you of dating a married man and not reading the thread, how you found his address for certain and revealing it at all.