To send this to a married man

[IslaSkywalker]

It's been sent but I'd like to see what people say.

A man who's turned out to be married has been chatting with me and arranging to meet. Also being very flirty and sexual toned in conversation that I did not like and sent unsolicited "pictures." Guess what type.

He's been sent a moonpig postcard telling him to stop flirting and messing around in the new year and not to send pictures of his bits and pieces to women who've not asked.

I can't believe he's only done it the once. I chose a postcard because of the embarrassment factor. The postman will see it and it'd make him look a fool explaining to his wife if she picks it up from the mat.

Not bitter or jealous, he's a complete tool who I don't want. AT ALL.

Exactly! All the people cheering on OP as a girls girl are glossing over she's given the wife absolutely nothing concrete evidence wise. It would be harder for a cheater to explain a way a respectful letter from OP with all the evidence and the openness of her own contact details if his wife wanted to contact her back, which is really the bare minimum if you're sending something to someone's home address that they haven't provided you! The anonymity and lack of information only makes it easier for him to tell his wife some crazy woman is harassing him or it's a prank or any number of things and the wife just gets to have her life rocked and feel like shit with no actual concrete info.

I've read the full thread thank you! What exactly do you think I'm missing ?

All of this. Someone who is genuinely concerned about a sex offence does not go out of their way to insert themselves into the lives of the offender in this risky way. For all of you laughing, the CPS stress test is a real thing. They will look at op’s actions too. She hasn’t painted herself in glory and in all likelihood may have committed an offence herself.

If she was really that bothered and wanted a sex offender held to account, she’d have gone to the police and let them deal with it.

Are you seriously encouraging women to go and tell the police that "a mean woman is maliciously communicating with me because she sent my H a card telling him to keep his dick in his pants and that upset me"?

I would absolutely despise her for this. That's prioritising her hurt feelings (about her cheating shitty husband) over the crime that her H committed against OP. Cyber flashing is illegal, no one should have to be confronted with a completely unwanted image of someone's penis on their phone.

Well done for trying to make what OP did a criminal act when the shitty man here is the criminal.

Maybe she wouldn’t care what you think? It’s not about you. If op actually really cared about the crime, she’d have reported it and gave the police the best chance to prosecute. Not cause side issues which would probably see the CPS drop the case.

Agreed, once you've spent that much time locating it with the intention of punishing his behaviour isn't it kind of obvious to just hand that over to the police?

She's warning him off. It's a lot more effort to go to the cops than send a card. It's time that men got some consequences for their shitty behaviour.

I can't believe the ludicrous arguments on this thread.

This might not have been the right thing to do but I want to make it clear I'm not obsessed with this person. He's turned out to be horrible. I am not jealous, I don't want to break them up so he comes running to me. I've better standards than wanting a cheat and a liar. And I'm not bitter. I'm angry that twats like him behave this way though that's not bitterness.

I haven't spent hours researching him either. He gave me enough information himself. Checking it out and sending the bloody card altogether took less than 10 minutes.

Unhinged. Bitter. Mad. Misogynistic names.
Edited to add "violent lunatic"

Well it's not that simple, is she prioritising her hurt feelings or concerned that a stranger who could be a violent lunatic has tracked down the address where her children sleep and is sending taunting notes to prove she knows where they live? His wife isn't responsible for her husband's criminal acts and she shouldn't be made to feel unsafe in her own home. OP should have passed his name and address onto the police not send a creepy postcard.

All of this.

It really didn't take you 10 minutes, I'm sorry there's just no way. This is the actions of a person who has been stewing and ruminating and down a doom scroll of cyber stalking someone. And again you're still mostly using the words cheater and liar as why you are so and at him, not that he's a flasher so again you're looking like you're real gripe is that he's married.

She didn't want to go to the police. She wanted to warn him to stop doing this shit.

And good on her. More women should do this. Maybe then men will stop this horrible behaviour.

So send a note privately to him? She's explicitly sent it on a postcard so the wife is also aware some loon has their address and hoping to cause them alarm.

It's not misogynistic to assume someone writing you anonymous mail is a lunatic. It's creepy boundary crossing behaviour whether it's perpetrated by a man or a woman.

I don't think you're unhinged, mad, jealous or bitter.

I do think this was an unwise way to respond to this guy's indisputable shitness, for a number of reasons, and I don't think you're being honest with yourself about your reasons.

Hyperbolic bullshit. Hoping to cause them alarm my arse!

Childish, and slightly de ranged, have a word with yourself.

"she shouldn't be made to feel unsafe in her own home. "

It will be her HUSBAND who has made her feel unsafe. If she goes to the police about something like this, claiming "malicious communications", she is no better than him.

Talk about shooting the messenger. It's disgusting, and intended to stop women telling other women what shitty CRIMINAL men are doing.

I think he sent the link with his house just to show off. He didn't think it through.

And also because OP has NO IDEA of the reality of his wife's life. Maybe her mum just died. Maybe she deals with depression. Maybe she has cancer. Maybe she can't cope with this news just now but would be able to in the future. News like the OP just bombed her with can send people into serious mental-health spirals.

OP should have had a massive go at the perp, not done this to his wife and family. If you want to tell the wife, make sure she can take it first. If you don't know anything about her, stay out of it - or make her husband fess up to her. At least let her have some privacy and dignity while she finds out the truth of who she's married to.

And even so, that makes a massive assumption that she even wants to know. Some people might suspect but would rather be left in blissful ignorance.

All told, I know that we all want people to get what they deserve, but it's usually best if people stay out of other people's marriages.

He clearly didn't give a shit about his wife's privacy.

OFFS! the woman was being lied to and thought of a clever way to give the wife a thread to pull at.
She was thoughtful enough to verify his address and name and sent it. Suddenly several of you have gone down rabbit holes that involve her stalking, lying, trying to fool you with 192 stories, trying to trip her up with her word usage.. Jesus wept. She's not the one that needs a hobby...

I'm sorry but a card which is explicitly from someone who knows him from online and not IRL sent to a private home address is bloody alarming! Maybe not to you but if be creeped out especially as she hasn't even had the courtesy to put her name and return address to at least try and seem normal and not like a stalker sending anonymous notes. She said herself she's chosen to send it on a postcard so others can see. If her desired outcome is that this outs him as sending his dick to women online it's also letting the wife know that one of those woman is invested enough to track down their address.

More patronising rubbish.

People on this thread have been saying the police won’t investigate unwanted dick pics but you reckon they’ll be up in arms over an unwanted Moonpig card?🤔