To send this to a married man

[IslaSkywalker]

It's been sent but I'd like to see what people say.

A man who's turned out to be married has been chatting with me and arranging to meet. Also being very flirty and sexual toned in conversation that I did not like and sent unsolicited "pictures." Guess what type.

He's been sent a moonpig postcard telling him to stop flirting and messing around in the new year and not to send pictures of his bits and pieces to women who've not asked.

I can't believe he's only done it the once. I chose a postcard because of the embarrassment factor. The postman will see it and it'd make him look a fool explaining to his wife if she picks it up from the mat.

Not bitter or jealous, he's a complete tool who I don't want. AT ALL.

He is the despicable cheating sleazeball who's ruining his own family's life.

The voting is not representative of the replies which are very suspiciously piled on so I'm going to side with the OP - the wife married a creep and unfortunately, she's bound to find out, one way or the other.

No problem x

I feel very sad. His wife learning of this prior to Christmas, possibly young children, step children or other children in his household, parents, elderly grandparents.... anyone could pick up that postcard. And if the man himself picks it up, he'll get rid of it quickly and then what is the point? And if somehow a mistake has been made and it is the wrong house, or someone else with the same name. Too many innocent lives could be impacted by this. As I said just before Christmas.

Yes the man was awful but a lot of distress could be caused to innocent victims. I think this was an awful thing to do.

Yeah, see quite a few here, hiding behind their anonymity. Creeps

I'm happy. If my husband is cheating, he's hiding it brilliantly. I don't consent to total strangers sending shitty notes through my door that my kids can see so that they can get a kick and watch the drama. That's my choice. People should not take my choices from me, especially when they don't know me, won't be supporting me and aren't actually doing it to help me, but just using me and my family for their satisfaction.

If he's sent you a dick pic, tell the police. It's illegal and if they investigate, I'll find out in a way that doesn't make me feel like the forced star of a stranger's revenge.

People always pile on me for this and tell me how I obviously love cheating and all the rest of it. It's risible shit and they know it. It's what they would want, so they think I don't have a right to want something different. Too bad. If I were the recipient of this horrid card, I would not be grateful. And I wouldn't believe anyone who said they did it with no interest in the result!

This thread is a beautiful example of why men get away with so many shitty and even illegal behaviours.

OP said she didn't care if she never found out what happened as a result of her sending the card. Stop misrepresenting what she said. The rest. Whatever. Speaks for itself.

Where on earth did I say op should ignore it?

Was he thinking of his kids when he was sending dick pics to random women online?

@Thepeopleversuswork The way to deal with bellends like this is to ignore them.

Ghosting seems to be mumsnet's solution to everything, but it's virtually never the right answer.

It really isn't. It's women retaliating to men's aggression. An unwanted dick pic is cyberflashing. The equivalent of the creepy bloke in the park whipping aside his raincoat.

Blokes seem to think they're safe because they're in their home, alone, with just their phone.

Wrong. We need a few high profile convictions to make it into the media for them to really get it. A couple of famous flashers.

Exactly. And no wife will want a flasher husband around her children.

He needs to be dumped by his wife, from a great height.

And? She’s a single woman , flirting/chatting with what she thought was a single man. What’s the problem with that? Doesn’t give him the right to whip his dick out unsolicited.

Hope you feel proud of yourself. He is a prat but you have just ruined a woman's and possibly her children's Christmas.

No. HE is the one who ruined his wife and kids' Christmas.

Yes, and I don't believe her. "I sent this explosive message designed to include even the postman and I told MN about it but I have no interest in knowing the outcome..." Come off it.

As for the rest, I don't have to justify any of my personal decisions to you. You complain that people are blaming OP for her reaction to a sleaze, and here you and others are are blaming me and implying I'm morally suspect because of my theoretical response to a shitty note like OP sent. I am not obliged to be grateful for shit I don't want from strangers just because you think I should. This is my reaction if OP ever does this to me. I'm not obliged to love it because you think I should. I am not answerable to you, her or anyone else on this.

Good on you.

Which holiday should perverts be called out on then?!

Why couldn't OP have just handed all the evidence to the police? It's a crime. They'll investigate and the wife will find out in due course and it'll be horrible but at least it'll be transparent, provable, and she won't have to worry if it's true or not (I wouldn't believe a nasty anonymous note, tbh) or feel like she's been used in some big performative gesture and someone's watching for her reaction.

That gets him caught, gets the wife aware and hopefully gets the legal consequences he deserves. Why is a note like this, which probably won't be believed anyway, necessary on top of that? If OP truly doesn't care about the effect on the family (pull the other one), what was the point? What does this achieve that an investigation wouldn't?

Excellent op!

Not sure why you are getting such a hard time on here

He’s a low life and his wife deserves to know all about it

The only disappointing thing is that he may well find it first or he may be able to persuade her it’s malicious

What you’ve done, sending communications with the intent to cause embarrassment and distress would also be considered under the offence of malicious communications. I’d think about that.

Reading your updates OP, he's given you an awful lot of information for someone who is wanting a secret fling. What married shagger tells his side piece his full name, home address, car details and workplace, before having a single date?
He may be recently separated or even divorced and house is not yet sold? Records like 192 can be out of date. Not excusing his sleazy behaviour mind, which would be reason enough to block him. If he is married, he won't be for long.
Edit for typo

I’ve never said that I can see the signs of a cheater more than anyone else - so why would it be ironic that I was with a man that was cheating on his partner??

If I was cheated on or was with a man who was a cheater, then yes I would be a victim because I would have done nothing wrong and he would be the one in the wrong.

I don’t know if you’ve got me confused with someone else.

Due to my experience I can pick up on signs of whether someone is a rapist or peadophile perhaps more than someone who doesn’t (although I believe many women have this instinct) but I would never trust that instinct because the most dangerous men are the ones that are able to disguise their true selves - which I said up thread.

There are things that psychopaths, narcissists etc have in common, so why do you think that it wouldn’t be the same for violent rapists or peadophiles.
There are professions out there who’s job it is to profile offenders, even before meeting them and so I am not sure why you think it can’t be the case.

Even if I had 100% accuracy of spotting rapists and peados (which no one does) then it would be irrelevant to this thread, as this thread is about cheating.

Not sure why you thought it was relevant and it comes across as you’re trying to find a - haha you got manipulated, caught you out - type vibe. Which if that was your intention then that’s pretty sad.