To send this to a married man

[IslaSkywalker]

It's been sent but I'd like to see what people say.

A man who's turned out to be married has been chatting with me and arranging to meet. Also being very flirty and sexual toned in conversation that I did not like and sent unsolicited "pictures." Guess what type.

He's been sent a moonpig postcard telling him to stop flirting and messing around in the new year and not to send pictures of his bits and pieces to women who've not asked.

I can't believe he's only done it the once. I chose a postcard because of the embarrassment factor. The postman will see it and it'd make him look a fool explaining to his wife if she picks it up from the mat.

Not bitter or jealous, he's a complete tool who I don't want. AT ALL.

It's such a shame that these tragic life circumstances you're so concerned about didn't lead her husband to keep his dick in his pants or indeed keep himself off a dating app.

So the wife should put up with a cheating partner, continue having unprotected sex with him when he’s shagging god know who, maybe not have access to her in finances etc - all because it’s 3 weeks before Xmas.

If you’re as ‘pro wife’ as you’re claiming to be then you would be saying the wife should be told asap.
Not that the wife shouldn’t be told or not told for another 3+ weeks.

The wife should not be left in the dark about this.
How awful if she’s planning a lovely Xmas and potentially posting loved up photos of them etc whilst her DH is cheating/trying to cheat on her.

Its her DH who is cheating on her 3 weeks before Xmas.

Sounds like he’s played stupid games and won a stupid prize 🤷🏻‍♀️
It’s not op’s fault if his children or wife are upset by his behaviour it’s the man who has been sending unsolicited explicit pictures.

OP could this be a catfish? Did you video call/FaceTime with them? It’s not difficult to set up an account with photos from social media using a real persons identity. Perhaps this was intentional to frame someone?

(Or perhaps just another hopefully childless cheater waving his willy around.. who knows)

People agreeing with her sending this even though the wife (or kids) could see it, would you be equally agreeable if it was instead at a gathering the wife and kids were at and OP put the photos on a projector for all to see, knowing the wife was there?

No one is defending the man.

No one.

What they are saying is there is a way to behave that could be less painful for his wife.

For example, telling his wife and allowing her to deal with the issue in her own way. OP says she has his address and his wife's name. If that's the case she could have written to her.

For all we know, she may know already how he behaves. She may be unable to leave for financial reasons, children, health, anything.

And - this is relevant- she may not see the card at all, or even think it's a joke.

What a low bar you have in a husband.

So it was a dating app? Has OP not actually met this man in real life?

Yeah it’s a bit crap that it’s OPs job to manage the situation so that the man’s wife doesn’t get to upset by finding out about his behaviour.

@Cucy Yes, his wife could be told but not in the way the OP has done.

I am not the only poster here saying that.

If Op wanted to spill the beans she ought to have contacted his wife. Then she could choose what to do with that info.

I approve the postcard and police 👌. If you don't mind me asking, how did you originally get chatting to the pervert?

I knew a family where something like this happened around 15 years ago. The husband (who ironically was my first teenage boyfriend!) had a habit of flirting with different women and I had heard sending unsolicited images of himself to some of them. In the end someone made the decision to post a letter addressed to his wife to his home address outlining what he had been up to (I had strong suspicions that it was sent by a girl I knew from my kids school who lived in the same estate as him and who had been made to feel very uncomfortable by comments that he had made to her). Unfortunately the letter did not have the desired effect at all. My ex confided in others that he had received a ‘poison pen letter’ from someone who was clearly unhinged and jealous of his lovely home life. He told his wife that it was likely sent by some women from his workplace who he had had disagreements with! I heard his wife was distraught at the time but in the end she believed everything he said. I doubt he has ever learned his lesson. It only hurt her as she couldn’t ask any questions to clarify what was claimed in the anonymous letter.

All the reactions protecting unfaithful creepy man...no wonder we live in the society we do

A few comments - when I said I don't care I meant that I'm not eagerly waiting for a fallout. That's his issue. I'm done.

If I was a married woman who this happened to them I'd be grateful and it would make me investigate further.

I'm wondering if the pc will arrive at the right house?

It's quite possible this was a catfish where a false image, false house, etc was used. Surely no man would reveal his name, address and birthdate to a stranger? All the ID anyone needs to do all kinds of things.

@IslaSkywalker Why didn't you send a letter or something to his wife? That way she would be in control of what to do next.

With any luck she already knows what he’s like and has been planning to leave him. That would be better than a getting the Moonpig as a totally devastating shock. If he’s behaving like this online then it’s probable his sleazy personality also seeps out into real life.

When did you send it @IslaSkywalker

I hope she does too. His wife deserves to know that she's married to a weirdo.

But there is no guarantee she will know.
This relies on HIM getting to the post first.

My friend is in psychology at a prison my SIL is a church representative who cares for some.. My cousin is a prison guard. I'm going to run this past them. It's all so odd.

If he gets to it first I hope it shocks him enough to never want to do it again.

So did you meet online @IslaSkywalker

Why didn't you block him the first time he crossed the line?

I have ALWAYS voted to tell the wife in a situation like this, but I would never condone such an open humiliation when children could be caught up in receiving this postcard. It’s bloody Christmas time and kids love the post!!!

It’s a horrendous, risky and drama seeking way to do it!

????

But 3 weeks before Xmas is irrelevant.
If being close to Xmas is so important then maybe the DH should not be cheating.

This woman is a grown adult but posters are acting like she’s made of glass suggesting that OP has done wrong to tell her.

She deserves to not be manipulated by her DH.

I would not have done what OP did - I am too lazy to go to all that trouble.

But I don’t think there’s any right way of telling someone this.

If OP did it face to face, the woman may feel worse because she can’t deny it and OP may be much more attractive than her.
OP can’t send her a letter if she doesn’t know her name.