Would this be rude?

[Christmas20]

I am going to a family takeaway night tonight with my partner’s family. It’s my first one with them.

They want to order Chinese, which is fine for me because I do eat Chinese food, but I have a couple of issues.

Firstly, I am vegetarian and the place they want to order from doesn’t have a great deal of options for me to choose from. Secondly - and of course I would never voice this to them or make a scene out of it - I have quite bad emetophobia and because of that, I am quite fussy about where I eat from and checking food hygiene ratings etc. The place they want to eat from has a 3 rating and quite a lot of bad reviews about the food being off. I would be panicking the whole time whilst eating and for the next couple of days that the food was going to make me unwell because of this. I am in therapy for this issue but it’s not a quick magical fix.

Would it be rude for me to order my own food (and pay for my own food of course!) from a different place up the road that firstly, has a lot more vegetarian options and secondly, a 5 hygiene rating and excellent 5 star reviews.

I would obviously use the reasoning of there being more options for me to choose from because of being a vegetarian.

Could you afford to pay for everyone then you choose the place?

I think it is totally fine, no idea why people think it’s rude? We quite often go to several take aways as people want different things?

Yes it would be rude. Accept the invitation or don’t but don’t diss their hosting offer. I hope you didn’t do thus.

You need to learn a coping mechanism for such situations. I’d suggest just not going as your issues will make it into a big deal - people don’t get this stuff!!!
or just nibble a few deep fried things. Any bacteria will be very much dead!!!

I don’t think it’s rude at all, why should you have to order from somewhere that doesn’t suit you. Mine and my husbands families quite often order from different places on the same night if someone fancies something different or doesn’t like the place that others have chosen

I don’t think it’s rude, especially if you say it has more veggie options for you.

Are people really saying you should people please at the risk of being ill in a badly reviewed 3* place?

And who would get all hurty feelings because you’re going to a different takeaway? We as a family have used different takeaways for different tastes, it shouldn’t be an issue in my book.

Why?

I have a theory it’s because the people who want the takeaway know it’s got a bad hygiene rating or is bad for them so the OP not joining in and eating it just reminds them they shouldn’t be either. And rather than not eat the takeaway, they blame OP.

I honestly don’t get the pov that it is rude. She’s not refusing food they’ve cooked themselves so why on earth would anyone be offended or upset about it! Madness.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Xaq4nN2QwEI&pp=ygUYc21pdGh5IG5vdCBzaGFyaW5nIGN1cnJ5

Ours is always fresh. Thy can see them cooking it

Eat properly before, this sort of thing is about a shared experience, so could you order a few token things you feel comfortable with rather than distancing yourself?

I don't understand why people think it's rude. I think you should do it. They won't bat an eyelid. just don't tell them it is because of the hygiene rating. I am with you. I don't eat from restaurants with a 3 star rating. My preference is 5 but I will tolerate 4

I would never order from a takeaway I knew had a 3* rating.

People make stuff up on here unfortunately.

I think it’s fine OP! Just say would you mind if I order some from the other place as there’s more choice. Wouldn’t bother me at all. You can pick them up at the same time.

I was always ‘that’ girl, and I probably still am, but my DH and his family accept me completely. Don’t settle for less! Being involved with a man from a bitchy family isn’t worth it.

If eating food you actually enjoy, that you paid for yourself, is considered rude to them I wouldn’t care too much for their opinion. I consider a host not adequately catering to the dietary requirements of their guests quite rude tbf.

People pleasing I guess. It doesn’t make sense otherwise. It’s not like they own and cook in the takeaway.

When you're n a fairly fledgling status of a relationship I think you have to be a bit flexible. Being nervous around food I am sure can cause a tummy upset. However I would suggest:
Either

1. ask your partner to suggest everyone orders from this other place as maybe he’s heard rave reviews and fancies a certain dish etc.
2. just order rice and vegetables from their current place, they have been gracious and invited you over just enjoy and eat with good Grace. If they push for reasons for no dish, you could admit to not seeing something on the menu and happy to keep to rice and vegetables. If it’s while ordering if you remain calm and happy rhey may suggest an alternative but keep it light. Talking down their favourite place may not go down well.

Food stars can be issued for lack of paperwork, didnt Gordon Ramsey get a 1 for rubbish admin?

In the future gently suggest you’ve heard really good things about the other place and bright and breezy suggest you could all try there next time especially as they have a vegetarian dish you really want to try as you read about it in a local article. They may be intrigued, want to please you and allow, then if they switch back you could gently ask if you can cheekily pop there on the way and collect that amazing dish. I just think it’s something to do more in an established routine.

Can you duck out of this event?

if you're struggling with the food options and will spend a lot of time worrying about it, you may be better off not going.

look after you, nobody else will, and definitely don't eat anything to please other people.

Sandwich first and nibble fried tofu.

Don’t be a food drama. Your mh problems don’t trump their family gathering.

If they do, you won’t be going to many more.

I would tell them there isnt much choice for you, can you order from somewhere else. Tbh considerate in laws would look at all those things for you!!

@Noodles1234 If one of my son’s gf’s wanted a different takeaway place, even on first meeting, I wouldn’t care in the slightest. For what reason would I care?

Actually this is a standard takeaway night they always do - it is 100% up to your boyfriend to say xxx wants to come but cant eat anything so please can she come and sit with us and tet something else? Your partner should be thinking of you.

She wants to order from the other takeaway and I see no reason why she can’t.

Totally agree with your last sentence. I thought MN advocated women not people pleasing at their own detriment 🤷‍♀️