Would this be rude?

[Christmas20]

I am going to a family takeaway night tonight with my partner’s family. It’s my first one with them.

They want to order Chinese, which is fine for me because I do eat Chinese food, but I have a couple of issues.

Firstly, I am vegetarian and the place they want to order from doesn’t have a great deal of options for me to choose from. Secondly - and of course I would never voice this to them or make a scene out of it - I have quite bad emetophobia and because of that, I am quite fussy about where I eat from and checking food hygiene ratings etc. The place they want to eat from has a 3 rating and quite a lot of bad reviews about the food being off. I would be panicking the whole time whilst eating and for the next couple of days that the food was going to make me unwell because of this. I am in therapy for this issue but it’s not a quick magical fix.

Would it be rude for me to order my own food (and pay for my own food of course!) from a different place up the road that firstly, has a lot more vegetarian options and secondly, a 5 hygiene rating and excellent 5 star reviews.

I would obviously use the reasoning of there being more options for me to choose from because of being a vegetarian.

Get your food from the other restaurant. Say you react badly to peppers or something. They'll likely not notice. OP if you were coming to my house. I truly wouldn't care where you got your food from.

I think it’s fine - suggest the place for everyone but if they decline you carry on and order what you want. I’d never want someone feeling uncomfortable in my company trying to be ‘polite’.

I’m with you on this OP. The only takeaway I can eat is fish n chips because you can see them cook it. I absolutely don’t trust a 3 hygiene rating. And I don’t eat Chinese or Indian takeaway food because they’re so unhealthy.

People saying this is rude…why? It won’t affect anyone else!

So.someone ahould.make themself ill just to fit in ???? Are you serious ?

If I was having a takeaway evening at my house I really wouldn’t think twice about someone ordering something from somewhere else. Why would it be rude? Partner can just say you’re veggie and would rather have something from the other restaurant.

@Christmas20 - if one of my sons was bringing a new partner for a visit, and told me that she couldn’t eat anything off the menu we usually ordered from, I would suggest either ordering from two places, or all of us ordering from the place that suited the partner’s needs.

When I am meeting someone who is special to one of my sons, I want to make them feel welcomed and at home here. I am happy to change things that I do, to make a guest feel welcomed, if I can - and ordering from a different takeaway, or ordering from two places seems like a very reasonable thing to me.

Have a chat with your boyfriend - perhaps you and he could collect the takeaway food and bring it to his parents' home so it isn't an issue for his family.
You could call both places to book food first to see how long it takes on the day and to minimize waiting time.

If your in therapy would this chinese visit not be a good test!?? Ask yr therapist,s advise

Not sure how op is "jumping down people's throats"

I don't think it would be rude at all to order from a different place especially as on same street. Genuinely can't see how it would be an issue. Why would it be rude to have a different takeaway preference...

Eat before you go. Nibble on a few spring rolls. You’ll survive

See link:

https://www.food.gov.uk/business-guidance/how-food-hygiene-ratings-work

3 is satisfactory. However, I wouldn’t eat anywhere less than 5. Can you recommend another takeaway to them with good reviews and hygiene rating ?

I wouldn’t want food from a place with a 3 rating either (and reviews saying it’s sometimes off) Especially from a takeaway where I can’t even see what it’s like. I have no problem with food but I do like to know it’s been prepared hygenically.

This is a it harsh but I think you really need to sort out all your various food issues before you are ready for any new family.

I don’t suffer from any food related phobias but would definitely balk at a 3 star rating and bad reviews. As they are in the same road and you’re picking up, can you order yours from your favourite place and then either not say anything when you arrive with food or just tell the in-laws that the other restaurant has your absolute favourite vegetarian dish so you got that while picking everyone’s up.

It wouldn’t bother me if someone did that - I agree it would be awkward to criticise their choice!

(I haven’t read the full thread so apologies if this has been suggested by others)

How is this difficult in any way?

Order enough for yourself - plate up what you want - put the rest in the middle for others to share, they can sort it out between themselves.

You could even offer 'I am ordering x from Y, if anyone wants to try something from there let me know and I'll order extra'.

It's only a problem if people go out of their way to make it a problem and if hosts do that, they're far ruder than the person wishing to sit down to a meal they can actually eat!

Just eat before you go, and maybe just order a starter and drink?

It’s jus a meal, be nice have some vegetables, noodles and flow with the people,relax and enjoy, showing too soon about its no nice.

I'm a veggie and not that keen on some Chinese dishes but if I was invited in this instance I'd just get on with it. It seems a bit attention seeking and rude otherwise. I've also inadvertently eaten in a zero rating place, and the food was amazing. It's great to be invited so just enjoy yourself.

I honestly can’t understand why people think this is rude? I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if one of my friends or family said they were ordering from somewhere different as they fancied something else?! Some people are so uptight.

I don’t eat anywhere that has less than a 4 star hygiene rating and I just tell the people I’m with. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, but I would never expect them to change their plans. I always explain I will order from somewhere else and collect the all the food for everyone.

If you feel awkward which I can understand if you did on this particular occasion, why don’t you offer to go and collect the food? Then you can order yours from where you want to eat, get theirs from their Chinese and they don’t ever have to know?

Good God, the things people worry about these days.

Sorry, OP but you’re going to come across as a tedious bore.

I’ve never seen this done with Chinese take away when ordered in a group setting. I sometimes do it with either my mum or my partner, normally at my request because I am a fan of having a bit of a few different things. But generally everyone will pick the meal they want, it’s pretty rare that everyone likes all the same dishes, and I also have a veggie friend who of course would need her own unless we ordered all veggie.

I don’t think it would be rude in the slightest to order your own dish even if that was the plan, people in the 21st century understand that people have different preferences and requirements with food. It would be rude to make a fuss about it.

I don’t think it’s rude. I would ask partner to explain that you will be ordering from restaurant B because there are more vegetarian options and ask him if anyone else wants to order from there as well.
Take a couple of bottles of wine with you to cover your back in case they think you are being rude.

I can't see anything very wrong with that. But dont see surprisedif they think you ard being fussy.