Would this be rude?

[Christmas20]

I am going to a family takeaway night tonight with my partner’s family. It’s my first one with them.

They want to order Chinese, which is fine for me because I do eat Chinese food, but I have a couple of issues.

Firstly, I am vegetarian and the place they want to order from doesn’t have a great deal of options for me to choose from. Secondly - and of course I would never voice this to them or make a scene out of it - I have quite bad emetophobia and because of that, I am quite fussy about where I eat from and checking food hygiene ratings etc. The place they want to eat from has a 3 rating and quite a lot of bad reviews about the food being off. I would be panicking the whole time whilst eating and for the next couple of days that the food was going to make me unwell because of this. I am in therapy for this issue but it’s not a quick magical fix.

Would it be rude for me to order my own food (and pay for my own food of course!) from a different place up the road that firstly, has a lot more vegetarian options and secondly, a 5 hygiene rating and excellent 5 star reviews.

I would obviously use the reasoning of there being more options for me to choose from because of being a vegetarian.

A takeaway? I think it's fine. Just say you're not keen on Chinese food. It's not as if you're taking your own food to their house, or a restaurant.

If you were coming to my house and did this, and explained why, I wouldn’t have a problem with it at all 🤷🏻‍♀️ Takeaways are expensive so I’d rather people have what they want.

Saying that though, I wouldn’t be ordering from a 3 star food hygiene rated takeaway in the first place…..

Very diplomatic.

You may have already answered this, apologies if so, but are you receiving therapy for your many and varied issues?
If I were you, I would opt for a simple noodle dish and excuse yourself by apologising and saying that you're maybe feeling a little under the weather at the moment. I'd also arrive with a bottle in hand (find out what their preference is beforehand) and perhaps a homemade pudding to foster a good relationship. Good luck.

Tbh you might food poisoning from the other place. I think it looks rude to order something from an expensive alternative place. Could you not just bring yourself a meal you made to reheat? That would seem to fit better with your story.

I wouldn’t be bothered by this at all. It’s not like they’ve cooked and you’ve ordered takeaway instead. Just cannot imagine caring where someone wants to order their food from

Op I’m with you, I wouldn’t want to fork out for a meal from somewhere I wouldn’t enjoy it especially a scuzzy place.
i would say that the place isn’t great for your intolerances (don’t mention the rating!), I’d pre warn his parents in advance that you plan to order from somewhere else. Be clear you don’t expect them to change their plans.
if they are nice non judgy people they will be fine with it .
the only other option is to not go.

If your going to collect it yourself and it's in the same road then noone needs to no . Just order there's run down order yours and go back and enjoy it .

@Christmas20 you might feel better if you read up on how the scores work? 3 is actually ‘generally satisfactory’. Often it can be admin rather than hygiene for example. Take a look:
www.food.gov.uk/safety-hygiene/food-hygiene-rating-scheme

How about... Tell them it only has a 3 hygiene rating and that you should all order from somewhere with a 5.

I can’t believe people are suggesting eating rice or noodles from a place with such a shit hygiene rating, they’ve obviously never heard of bacillus cereus.

Personally I would either cry off, or order from the more acceptable place and arrive with it. Fuck what they think, your health and mental health are more important than a shitty Chinese.

I don't get how choosing your own place to order from is rude. It isn't rude AT ALL. If they owned the place the it would seem a bit rude, but otherwise then of course it isn't!! People are batshit crazy.

I am wondering though, how there's not many veg options? Most Chinese dishes have option of chicken/beef/prawn/veg?

Just otder from somewhere else!

Can someone PLEASE give me a reasonable explanation of why the hell this would be rude.
What would be rude-
●demanding everyone else eat elsewhere
●if they owned the place they were ordering from
●if she chucked all their food in the bin as soon as it arrived because it was unhygienic

I cant think of any other reasons.

I would go with ordering from the other restaurant. Ordering a portion of chips from the 3 star Chinese as one PP suggested would be far more odd, stick out as strange and less enjoyable for you and everyone else. Obviously you don't make a fuss about it, you pay for it and you offer for them to try yours (once you have taken your portion out). Just say that as you're veggie you prefer this place as you particularly enjoy some of the veggie dishes they offer that the other one doesn't.

Zero risk of food poisoning? Where have you got that from? Any food can be contaminated with germs

Just have chips. Sorted.

Because they have chosen the take away and are hosting. It could be interpreted that where they eat is not good enough for her and that in turn it may make them feel that they are not good enough for her.

😂 that's a stretch! But I understand it's hard to come up with a decent reason.
A hosts job is to make guests feel welcome and have an enjoyable experience.
OP is not responsible for the hosts feelings or lack of self worth.

It shows that @Christmas20 dislikes the choices of her hosts.

It shows that she doesn’t trust her hosts.

It draws attention to her as special and requiring special treatment

Her suggestion demonstrates she doesn’t want to join in with a family meal.

I'd be absolutely fine with that. It's quite common to get a few different takeaways to cater for everyone's taste. All the dafties saying it's rude 😄

Well that’s just bollox though. All the outcries of ‘ it’s rude’ only show those up saying this to be very poor hosts.
Surely the mannerly way to host is to offer a choice of takeouts, certainly has always been the way we do takeouts particularly if we have a guest, they would always be offered a takeout of their choice.

I don't understand the obsession with people thinking they're "special" or "it's all about them" for not going along with everyone else, even if doing so would in no way impact what the others are doing. I think it's worse to be uptight, judgemental hosts than for a guest to order food they want.

I'd think you were rude, judgy and a pain in the arse. There's plenty of options for vegetarians at all Chinese takeaways- veg chow mein or fried rice at least. Just don't go, you're Buzz Killington.

Whaaaat?! OP can just ask her partner what the norm is with their family and if the norm is to just take whatever you want regardless of who has ordered it with no thought towards the person who ordered it actually tasting their own dish then fuck eating with such weirdos.

OP it’s completely fine. Just order what you want from wherever you want. Any decent family will want you to feel happy and comfortable with them.

I'm fascinated by the people saying just order a few noodles and push them around your plate.
Make an excuse that you're not feeling well, etc..

Why is that sort of pretence and terminal people pleasing better than ordering food you like and tucking in like a normal person?