over a bloody booster seat 🥵

[StarDolphins]

My 9 year old is being taken to a party in Manchester (1 hour journey) today by the birthday girls parents. She is 134cm (she’s a bit less actually but because her Dad told her she’s that, she’s sticking to it)

Sges currently sobbing and shouting (since 7am off & on) because I’m insisting she has her booster seat when all the other 7 kids won’t have one. She said she’s going to get laughed at and she just wants to fit in & be the same. I’ve tried to be understanding, I’ve said blame it on me, I’ve said they’re not good friends etc.

AIBU to stick to my rule? She’s nearly there but technically still needs a booster until 135cm. I’m just worn down as she’s been crying over this ALL morning🙄

Yes, I’ve also explained the consequences of not having one but she was wholly focused on being called a baby and wanting to fit in.

🙄 always one that just reads the first line and just blindly rolls with it.

I wouldn’t be embarrassed if she she was in a RTC, I’d be devastated for life

Yes I have. She would rather break the law than be called a baby and not fit in! I’d have been petrified to break the law as a kid!

All the people calling you ridiculous would be calling you a terrible mother if there were to be an accident and your daughter wasn’t correctly restrained. I would let mine go without at that height (and spend my whole day worrying) tbh but I certainly don’t think for one minute you’re being unreasonable if you don’t.

I think it's very hard for her having a parent like you. I can't believe you want to pull her up on how she spoke to you when she's trying to be honest and communicate with you and you've obviously shut her down, and it was you that's wrong in the first place. Poor kid

Wait till her 2nd /3rd/4th siblings catch her up lol
it won’t even cross your mind as you will realise the 2cm pales in comparison to the social cache -win/cost algorithm of being a little person navigating peers and the world xx

FWIW @StarDolphins I would have made mine take the seat or not go.

I dread this in the future but safety comes first. I even have a spare booster in my car for friends to use when in our car!

My 6yo was 37kgs. I think the guidance may be made up as they go. It's certainly changed over the last decades. Do we get to a point where children aren't allowed in cars? Being in a moving motor vehicle is inherently dangerous but we all do it all the time. We also cross the road, fall over, drown etc.

It's getting a bit odd when a 9yo can't get a lift in a car.

I think its good to keep working on it and let time tell the difference. It is early stages.

I think it's actually 150cm?? Certainly when we have travelled in Europe it typically is.

Regardless, there is a height for a reason. Giving in doesn't set a good example. It's fine to not be safe because of peer pressure, or her having a fit means she gets her own way? No.

It's a long drive too. If there was an accident you would never forgive yourself and the driver would be in trouble.

As someone who has worked in A&E, and hubby police, don't be one of those it will never happen to me / just this one time types of parent. She legally, for safety reasons, needs a booster. So she has her booster or doesn't go. End of. It's up to her then.

DS was 150 cm at about 10 or 11 so he wouldn't have had to use a car seat in year 7, some DC are quite short though so would have to use one in secondary school. There must be an age limit though.

There’s a world of difference between calmly explaining her reasons and listening to my reply than shouting, sobbing & screaming while I’m trying to explain my reasoning that she hates me and I’m embarrassing her because I’m not a cool
mum like all the others that don’t make them have booster seats

There’s no ‘poor mum’ about it. She has a very good life.

My 10 yo still uses a booster because he's small, just under 135cm. His friends were surprised to see a booster in the car when I gave them all a lift recently but he just shrugged and said 'I'm small', at which they all started talking about something else, as kids do. I'm surprised at so many posters on here rolling their eyes at basic safety being observed.

With respect, it's unrealistic to expect her to listen and calmly explain her reasoning. She's 9, she's being bullied, she's terrified of more bullying, and the thought of more bullying is very distressing for her. I'm not saying it was ok for her to say she hates you, but it's understandable that she felt very strongly in that moment.

And it’s fine to feel strongly, of course it is and as I’ve told her, I understand. It’s not fine to scream and shout at that level. I’m fully on top of the bullying and she knows this. I wasn’t more interested in her shouting, I was more interested in what my thread was about, which was her safety. I also did relent because despite what you’re trying to insinuate, I don’t want her to be bullied further.

I'm not trying to insinuate anything! Maybe you are confusing me with another poster. I already said in my first reply that I voted YANBU.

Maybe your DD is better at emotional regulation than my kids but there is no way they are capable of not shouting and screaming when they are distressed - it's a work in progress for them to learn regulation skills.

My mistake! I’m very sorry, you’re right, I did get you mixed up with someone else! Apologies.

This

All these people that hate their children!!!

My daughter (3) will rear face until about 6. Maybe younger as she is tall but her car seat rear faces until 125cm / 36kg whichever comes first. She will then be in a high a backed booster. 150cm or 12.

I care about my child not dying if she was in a car accident.

Come on, now.
It's comments like yours that make people so defensive about car seats.
I'm very pro rear-facing (my oldest was rear-facing until 6 and my youngest is still rear-facing at 5) but I think you're being intentionally provocative to claim that people who don't do this "hate" their children 🙄

Maybe,but the number of people on this thread who belittle others for insisting the legal minimum standards are met (which appears to be far lower in the UK than elsewhere) is staggering!
They seem to care more about being the cool parent than the safety of their child.....

Of course I am. But look at the amount of people that think safety is such a low priority when it comes to car seats.

If my comment makes one person rethink then it’s helped. I just can’t understand how people justify putting their children’s life at risk.

There are more accidents and fatalities on the road today than before the booster seat became a requirement. I never had a booster seat and neither did my husband when we were growing up. We'd never heard of them until somewhere in the 1990s, possibly even the early 2000s and we laughed then as much as we do now. The legislation hasn't made things any safer, it's created a nation of neurotic parents too afraid to really do anything for fear that somehow their children will die as a result of being a centimetre below the threshold at which the state insists on them using a booster seat.

I remember when the first gatso camera was put into operational use, 1992 I think. That slowly created a generation of neurotic drivers constantly staring at their speedometers to ensure they didn't go even half a mph over, so instead they'd end up rear-ending someone in front of them, or going through a nasty pothole, or more ironically, hitting someone!

Of course with everything new, it evolves, so now we have variable speed speed cameras installed on overhead gantries. It has nothing to do with safety, but it is an easy way for the state to take some money off you and slap some points on your licence, ultimately making you feel like a terrible driver. It also gives the courts something to do if a speeding infraction is challenged.

You cannot regulate anything into functioning well, if at all existing in the first place. Child safety is one of the easiest things for the state to go after.

Haha I’m glad you’ve written this! I haven’t read every post but I can’t believe that the OP is being told she’s a terrible Mum for wanting to ensure her child lives in the event of a car crash. .