Page 23 | Family Christmas Issue

ChristmasIssue · 2025-12-06T02:55:47+00:00

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway. As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves. 8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas. Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone. Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog. Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order. My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited! What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

GAJLY · 07/12/2025 13:32

ChristmasIssue · 07/12/2025 11:54

Just a quick update as I know it can be annoying when OPs just disappear and I do appreciate you all posting your thoughts. I didn’t hear back from my cousin or allergic guest. I’m left feeling more annoyed than ever that they haven't even bothered to respond.

My partner, kids and I all agreed that them not responding at all means they’re now not invited even if they did contact me saying they wanted to come. I doubt they will but just in case.

I sent a message this morning to the group saying thanks to those who responded and said we look forward to seeing person A, B, C and D on 24th and that I’d set up a new group for us all to discuss food, sleeping arrangements etc. Then I set up the new group and all 4 have expressed shock at what has happened, given me a bit of sympathy and have said a few negative things about my cousin and allergic guest. I’ve kept out of that as although I’m annoyed, I’d rather say anything I have to say to my cousin and allergic guest directly in time. I did say let’s not let it spoil/overshadow Xmas but I think it will to a degree.

I am not particularly bothered by allergic relative but my cousin has hurt me and I do think there may be something more to it. My partner is saying I’m still making excuses for her which I probably am. I do feel it’s out of character but I know that even if there is something more going on, she didn’t need to have gone about things in the way she has when we have a good relationship and we have given her lots of support.

I feel a bit sad but I don’t think there is anything else I could or should have done.

I’m left waiting for my cousin to contact me to make arrangements about the children’s presents and we also have our own gifts for the children, my cousin and allergic relative. My partner and children are saying not to bother sending the gifts from us. I sort of agree but then I don’t want to be petty, it’s never who I’ve been and I’d rather not be the cause of any more drama.

That's a good update. You've taken control and used their toxic silence to uninvite themselves. Well done! You have been lovely and accommodating to your family. It's her responsibility not your to collect the parcels. I imagine she'll think you'll change your mind at the last minute. Stand firm and let her take responsibility for herself. Do not waver. If she tries to emotionally blackmail you, remember that no one died from not getting their christmas presents on time!

NoisyViewer · 07/12/2025 13:47

ChristmasIssue · 07/12/2025 11:54

Just a quick update as I know it can be annoying when OPs just disappear and I do appreciate you all posting your thoughts. I didn’t hear back from my cousin or allergic guest. I’m left feeling more annoyed than ever that they haven't even bothered to respond.

My partner, kids and I all agreed that them not responding at all means they’re now not invited even if they did contact me saying they wanted to come. I doubt they will but just in case.

I sent a message this morning to the group saying thanks to those who responded and said we look forward to seeing person A, B, C and D on 24th and that I’d set up a new group for us all to discuss food, sleeping arrangements etc. Then I set up the new group and all 4 have expressed shock at what has happened, given me a bit of sympathy and have said a few negative things about my cousin and allergic guest. I’ve kept out of that as although I’m annoyed, I’d rather say anything I have to say to my cousin and allergic guest directly in time. I did say let’s not let it spoil/overshadow Xmas but I think it will to a degree.

I am not particularly bothered by allergic relative but my cousin has hurt me and I do think there may be something more to it. My partner is saying I’m still making excuses for her which I probably am. I do feel it’s out of character but I know that even if there is something more going on, she didn’t need to have gone about things in the way she has when we have a good relationship and we have given her lots of support.

I feel a bit sad but I don’t think there is anything else I could or should have done.

I’m left waiting for my cousin to contact me to make arrangements about the children’s presents and we also have our own gifts for the children, my cousin and allergic relative. My partner and children are saying not to bother sending the gifts from us. I sort of agree but then I don’t want to be petty, it’s never who I’ve been and I’d rather not be the cause of any more drama.

You have nothing to feel guilty about. You was more than happy to have no one round knowing that not everyone will want to be around your dog, they had that choice & maybe they didn’t read or take time to understand the offer on choice was but that isn’t your fault

Blizzardofleaves · 07/12/2025 13:56

I wouldn’t mention another word about it on your new group chat. Good vibes only, and throw yourself into having lots of fun. You really don’t have to worry about them now. You have managed it beautifully. You might get the odd passive aggressive comment but so what? You know you are in the right just let it all wash over you. Enjoy the guests that are coming.

Daisymail · 07/12/2025 14:03

You've handled this brilliantly, I can't believe the nerve of some people! Listen to your husband and kids, they are spot on. Definitely do not contact your cousin about the presents, this is entirely on her now.

QueenofDestruction · 07/12/2025 14:05

Great news, my pets are my resident family and important to our christmas and all get gifts anyone who doesn't like it doesn't have to come. Fortunately my family is all the same.

AcrossthePond55 · 07/12/2025 14:21

@ChristmasIssue

You're right to keep this issue out of the new chat. Focus on the get together and if needed 'redirect' others back to it.

As far as cousin, I wouldn't let things hang fire any longer as far as her DC's gifts. The last thing you want is some last minute request for you to deliver as 'it's too late now to get a courier'. I think I'd send a simple message saying "Please let us know ASAP when you have arranged pick up for your DC gifts. We want to be sure we are home that day for the courier" and leave it at that. It lets her know early on that 1-you are not expecting her for the get together and 2-you are NOT delivering personally nor arranging/paying for a courier.

Notonthestairs · 07/12/2025 14:21

You were put in a very difficult position and handled it really well - stood up for yourself without being inflammatory.
Their decision not to respond looks calculated - I’m sure they’ve exchanged messages which makes it all the more rude.
It will settle down in time. I hope your cousin apologises.

Original poster

ChristmasIssue · 07/12/2025 14:44

Thanks everyone. Although I’m trying to keep the new group chatting about Christmas and not the situation with my cousin and other relative, it’s very much still there as plans are now all changing. The Christmas we had planned was very much geared around having young children in the house, so less alcohol, less noise, less late nights, we had all agreed that we wouldn’t have a late one on Xmas eve as we knew the children would be up early wanting to see if Santa had been on Xmas morning and we all planned to get up with them to see them open their presents. Now that my child is the youngest at 17, very nearly 18, we can have a very different Xmas, and the reason for that is blindingly obvious. It sort of feels quite awkward making these different plans whilst not acknowledging why the plans can change and the reasons why Xmas can be very different.

OP posts:

fishfingerbutty · 07/12/2025 14:48

Don’t let the behaviour of those other people take up space in your mind anymore now.
You’ll have a lovely time with people who care about you ( and your dog).
Merry Christmas.

harriethoyle · 07/12/2025 14:55

Refashion it @ChristmasIssue - get the dog a Christmas pudding costume and get a case of champagne in!! Sounds WAY better!! 🍾

Whoevenarethey · 07/12/2025 15:06

Thank you for sharing the update. Don't feel guilty, they made their choice and had plenty of opportunities to discuss it beforehand either in the group chat or privately. I hope you manage to sort out transporting your cousins presents back to her.

Itwasallyellow2 · 07/12/2025 15:11

But that’s exactly it OP! Everything you had planned was around certain other people. Down to what you ate, drank and the time you went to bed. Obviously it was done for young children BUT it does show how one or two people can control events and environments to suit themselves.

Time to think about what you want OP! And your dog!

Shinyandnew1 · 07/12/2025 15:59

Your cousin and allergic relative have behaved appallingly. They can have Christmas together if they want to-win win.

Fdsew · 07/12/2025 16:11

I feel very strongly that difficult demanding guests are the very types that are rarely if ever inconvenienced by hosting or doing anything for others.
Hard life or not is no excuse to think being difficult is acceptable towards someone kind enough to host you and your children.

Try not to allow their shabby behaviour sour Christmas for you, particularly as you are still hosting so many.

A holiday next year sounds like a timely reset.
You sound like a very generous host, but hear your children and partner in all of this.
They won't want to see you taken advantage of.

Definitelynotagladiator · 07/12/2025 16:19

OP I’m so sorry. I know why you feel how you feel. You had even offered to accommodate having a dog free room for them. The fact that that wasn’t good enough shows massive entitlement. Why should the children have unlimited access to every room?? No guest should have that! There could be a million reasons a room is off limits. And the poor single mum thing wears thin. My mum was a single mum. Didn’t stop her doing anything.

Feel sad. Then feel angry. Then don’t care. Because……. you’ve done NOTHING wrong! :) hugs

Dollymylove · 07/12/2025 16:58

Terrifictiger · 06/12/2025 05:33

I would never take my DC to a house with a dog or allow a dog into my home for that matter.

It is of course your choice to have a dog there but get used to a lot of cancellations in your social diary because a lot of people won’t put up with them for good reason.

You dont have to.
OPs dog is part of the family and anyone who is not happy can naff off 😡

SonK · 07/12/2025 17:08

First post nails it - tell them to get lost.

I don't like pets indoors and wouldn't get any personally, however I have no issues staying at someone's place with a pet.

Your house, your rules x

bittertwisted · 07/12/2025 17:12

Terrifictiger · 06/12/2025 05:33

I would never take my DC to a house with a dog or allow a dog into my home for that matter.

It is of course your choice to have a dog there but get used to a lot of cancellations in your social diary because a lot of people won’t put up with them for good reason.

I have never once had someone cancel because of my dog. But then I don’t have anything in common with people who dislike pets, it’s not a quality I find attractive

Bandersnatchling · 07/12/2025 18:34

Your anti-dog relatives sound awful@ChristmasIssue, but your immediate family sound great! As does your dog! Enjoy your Christmas:)

Therealjudgejudy · 07/12/2025 18:42

You have done the right thing op.

Enjoy your Christmas with your lovely dog

Janicchoplin · 07/12/2025 19:13

Terrifictiger · 06/12/2025 05:33

I would never take my DC to a house with a dog or allow a dog into my home for that matter.

It is of course your choice to have a dog there but get used to a lot of cancellations in your social diary because a lot of people won’t put up with them for good reason.

Your not a dog lover or possibly any animal lover. Which is fine. But to tell others how they should live their lives in the same way as you or they wouldn't have any friends. It's a little childish.

Whatsappweirdo · 08/12/2025 09:53

Hope you have a lovely Xmas! X

HAPPILYMARRIEDSINCE2012 · 08/12/2025 10:31

Enjoy your Christmas OP and don't worry about the rest of it.

Skibbgirl · 08/12/2025 12:45

What a crowd of ingrates; they either didn't read the invitation properly or are simply selfish, entitled and, quite frankly, downright rude people. None of this is down to you so, in your shoes, I would have absolutely no compunction about accepting their 'regrets' to the invitation. What they decide to do thereafter is not your problem! In fact, if they do turn up, I'd be making sure the dog had the usual run of the property ... it's not his/her fault!!

MaggiesShadow · 08/12/2025 14:19

ChristmasIssue · 07/12/2025 14:44

Thanks everyone. Although I’m trying to keep the new group chatting about Christmas and not the situation with my cousin and other relative, it’s very much still there as plans are now all changing. The Christmas we had planned was very much geared around having young children in the house, so less alcohol, less noise, less late nights, we had all agreed that we wouldn’t have a late one on Xmas eve as we knew the children would be up early wanting to see if Santa had been on Xmas morning and we all planned to get up with them to see them open their presents. Now that my child is the youngest at 17, very nearly 18, we can have a very different Xmas, and the reason for that is blindingly obvious. It sort of feels quite awkward making these different plans whilst not acknowledging why the plans can change and the reasons why Xmas can be very different.

Ach, you're veering into overthinking territory here, @ChristmasIssue

It'll be a lovely Christmas regardless of who's there. A few drinks and games on Christmas Eve, a later start in the morning and everyone will be set up feeling festive and happy.