Family Christmas Issue

[ChristmasIssue]

We are staying at home for Xmas this year as we got a dog back in April, don’t have anyone to have him and don’t want to leave him anyway.

As we wouldn’t be visiting anyone, back in September, we said to our family that everyone is welcome to come to us if they would like but we understand if people want to do other things or stay at home themselves.

8 relatives have chosen to come to us, including my cousin with 2 children aged 7 and 2. Everyone coming is aware we have a new dog and that he was our reason for staying home for Xmas.

Now we are less than 3 weeks til Xmas and my cousin has said that she isn’t happy with her children being around our dog and asked us what we plan to do. I was a bit annoyed as we had been clear about everything but I’ve said the dog will be here, although I’m happy to keep the dog out of one room all the time and in another room whilst we eat dinner. My cousin has said this isn’t good enough, that her children should be able to move around the house as they wish without worrying about our dog. She is suggesting kennels or that our dog stays outside or is made to stay in one room. Our dog is small, very clam etc, so no trouble but I do understand that dogs aren’t for everyone.

Another relative has waded in and is asking if our dog can go elsewhere for the time they are all visiting, which is 3 days in total. I’ve said no, that won’t be happening. Now cousin and this other relative are trying to involve more relatives and get them to say they are not happy with the dog being here. I’ve ignored their texts and calls today. The texts are saying that cousin and her children will no longer be able to come if the dog stays, that I’m cruel to prioritise our dog over a child and that it’s too late for them to go anywhere else so I’m making her spend it alone as a single mum. The other relative is also now saying she is allergic to dogs so I would be making her Xmas difficult. There was no mention of this previously and she agreed to come knowing we had a dog.

Tomorrow I plan to text to say that if they no longer want to come, that’s a shame, but I understand and that if anyone else feels the same, to let me know due to food and drinks order.

My partner and kids (older) have said that next year we are staying home and no one is invited!

What do you think of the whole situation and do you think I’ve been fair? I really wish I hadn’t bothered inviting anyone.

@Terrifictiger”Won’t put up with them for good reason” I beg your pardon?! And what “good reason” is that then?! They can’t all be allergic or frightened! Many, many dogs are wonderful, clean, loving, non-moulting and hypoallergenic! Not to mention affectionate and well behaved ffs. Theyre not all brutes and XL Bullies 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️

Well said @bittertwisted 👏🏻

Oh how I wish I had as many family members as you, OP! It must be lovely (obvs except these two difficult relatives!). I have 2 family members total in addition to my child (I’m a widow sadly and his family aren’t interested in remaining in contact with DD) who don’t seem to like me (or my child) very much, so Christmas especially is a very quiet, lonely time for both of us in our tiny little home. I walk the dog past huge houses full of happiness & laughter and wonder what it must be like. You are so blessed OP and I know that regardless of who does or doesn’t come, you’ll have a wonderful Christmas 🎄 Savour every second of it and enjoy! 🥂

Hello again everyone. I still haven’t heard from my cousin, but allergic relative messaged this morning on the old group chat whilst I was out running (so I didn’t check my phone) to say that she will still be able to make it and that she’ll work around the dog if she has to.’ 😳 😳 😳

My partner replied before I’d even read her message to say ‘The deadline has passed, no room at the inn and we wouldn’t want your allergy to make you feel ill. We’ll see you at some point in the new year. Have a good Xmas whatever you decide to do instead’

I’m so glad he responded, and quickly too, to save me dwelling on it, but I’m half laughing and half cringing at his words. My partner doesn’t find this sort of thing awkward at all whereas I want to curl up and die.

Your husband is a hero!

Well done to your partner! His reply was perfect. And he’s got your back! What a star.

And what a CF to ignore your deadline and decide to work around the dog if she has too…. So rude and entitled. You are well shot of that one and she can find out that actions have consequences.

I bet allergic relative doesn't want to host your cousin and her kids!

I’m sorry to hear that you lost your husband and that his family have chosen not to stay in touch with your daughter. That’s very sad and their loss. I hope you can make your Christmas a happy one with your daughter and your dog. 💐

'Work around the dog if she has to'

Cheeky bitch.

Your husband is awesome! I wonder if she’ll respond!

Is it possible that cousin and allergic relative were in cahoots, and one spoke up to support the other?
In my experience, when this happens it is the instigator that backs down and leaves the supporter looking bad.

Oh so she is not that allergic that she couldn't manage with a dog in the house after all? It's like those gluten/dairy/whatever free people who make all the fuss about everything being without a trace of the specific ingredient, but then eat a good serving of the same, because it looked good.

Love your husband

How fabulous of your husband. 😀

It's good that your partner replied as anyone wanting to argue can take it up directly with him which clearly will not go well for them. I suspect that the allergy was a pile of bollocks anyway as they either wouldn't have accepted an invitation in the first instance or would have at least spoken to you about it before all these shenigans started. For the 'allergic' relative, it's a case of FAFO. Well done

I know. It’s such a cheeky thing to say. I could never act like that.

I’m actually pleased in a way that she chose to be cheeky instead of apologising, as although I feel awkward about the exchange, it’s absolutely confirmed that I wouldn’t want her here. If she had been apologetic, I’d have felt under pressure to accept the apology and let her come. It’s going to be very awkward when we do see each other again.

Was going to post the same. Well done DH!!

Tell DH the Vipers love him! 🤣

Your husband is a legend. Merry Christmas to you both 🥳

Whilst we can laud your DH for telling her "too late, too bad", the thing is so often women don't push back when it's the man who says no. If you had gone back with a no, she may have pushed back, or tried to make you feel guilty or bad for pushing back, she would have told others how you're stubborn or rude. Even now, she might think that you have a hand in what your DH put on the chat, that you colluded with him or made him send that message. As it stands, she will likely gripe but would feel "told" and wouldn't speak badly of your DH behind his back. Somehow it's more serious and women feel more inclined to accept their own fault if a man tells them no. But if it's a woman - well, the other woman is at fault for not being accommodating enough.

Anyway, happy that you have a DH who is willing to engage in these sorts of things. Great result all round. Sorry about your cousin, though. Hope everything's ok with her.

What a load of rubbish - the suitable arrangement is that the family dog is spending Christmas with the family, and people who accept an invitation from a family with a dog should expect to encounter a dog. You sound like a very entitled guest

Well done to your partner on his response!

Indeed - and I strongly suspect that if they'd gone along with her coming, her version of 'working round the dog' would involve coming over all allergic and demanding that the dog be out outside.

‘The deadline has passed, no room at the inn

Perfect!

Everyone who has an "issue" with an important member of your family can find somewhere else to go altogether! Simple. They are supposed to be "guests" and should not be setting rules for your home. It is your home so your rules. They accept or not. End of story,