DP’s family have uninvited my DLabrador from Christmas

[Hols25]

Feeling a bit pissed off. First Christmas with DP and he invited me to his parents house. They live a few hours away so I haven’t been there before, but have met them once for a meal where we live.

DP knows I have sole custody of my DL following breaking up with my ex last year, and he hates going into kennels. When he asked me about Christmas, I checked about whether DL could join and he said yes.

Fast forward to today and he’s told me his parents aren’t able to accommodate DL. They aren’t really dog people and are worried about their cream carpets.

It turns out he hadn’t actually checked with them before and only spoke to them last night.

This means I can’t go and won’t be spending Christmas with DP or the days either side as he’s travelling the morning before.

He says its just one of those things.

AIBU to feel upset with him?

This.

Any chance a friend could have him, or could you find a dog boarder? My two go to a lovely woman and it really is like home from home (apart from the fact they’re allowed on her bed — whereas they’re not allowed upstairs in our house!)…

There is a site where people host your dog in their home ? Would that be an option my ( not so darling retriever have 2 that host her and she loves it. Site is official most have reviews ect obviously do your own research

I’d put the boyfriend in kennels and have a lovely Christmas with my lab.

Until they die & are easily replaced (as has been the case of everyone I know who has a fur baby & then gets a new one within weeks of losing one!)

Yes, I’d be very annoyed about this. It was wrong of him to do that. I wonder if you can find someone among your local dog walking friends who’ll have him?

Ok, you are being unreasonable, just for talking about your dog like its a child ("sole custody", "DL").

Having sole custody has nothing to do with speaking like the dog is a child.

You made that silly connection.

For serious, decent dog owners it just means that either one person will take the dog and the associated costs on for the rest of its life after a relationship breakdown, or they'll share the responsibilities together.

He should have asked his parents about the dog joining before saying it was ok (though you didn't say how long ago you were invited so it's hard to tell how much of a difference that would have made to the effect on your plans). He should apologize for that

But his parents haven't uninvited your labrador and it's utterly reasonable for people to not want houseguests bringing dogs, especially unfamiliar ones during busy family gatherings. I am an assistance dog handler (of a lab) and people's homes are one of the few places I don't presume he's welcome, to the point that I proactively volunteer to leave him behind and let the hosts tell me if he's actually welcome.

I have sole custody of my DL following breaking up with my ex last year

I know that this isn't the point of the thread, but as someone who adores dogs and has one touching me almost every waking minute I physically cringed when I read this. You have a dog. Talking about sole custody after a breakup like he's a human child will not give most people any faith that you'll be great about any boundaries a non-dog-loving host would like maintained.

I don’t think it’s possible to multi quote (please correct me if wrong!) but I’ll try to cover main questions I’ve seen below:

-I am not blaming his parents. It’s their house. Please re-read my OP if you think this.

-DP and I officially in a relationship since June

-Finding somewhere near where I could stay would still have the same issues. DL alone whilst we are having dinner etc. just unfair on him and cruel, he’d still be alone in an unfamiliar place.

-Why ‘D’L? It’s not that deep really, people call their in laws ‘D’ and dogs are family so DLab it is 😊

Damn, you read my mind, it's so fucking aggravating.

Op, your partner sounds like a bellend. I'd be staying at home with the dog.

I’m thinking of uninviting my own Labrador and I’m hosting! So YABU

People are entitled to make their own rules in their own house. I know that, for some people, dogs are more important than people, but if your DP’s parents don’t want dogs in their home, that’s their prerogative.

You may think your dog doesn’t smell, doesn’t shed and is utterly delightful, but others may differ. Some people have allergic reactions to dog hair and dander and even if that doesn’t apply, the parents don’t want to feel uncomfortable in their own home.

We have neighbours who own four large boisterous dogs, in a small house. I have asthma and would struggle with the jumping up, aside from the shedding and the smell.

All dogs smell, OP. You just can't smell it.

I would be at annoyed at your DP for saying its fine without even checking and leaving you to sort petcare with less than a month's notice.

Talking about sole custody after a breakup like he's a human child will not give most people any faith that you'll be great about any boundaries a non-dog-loving host would like maintained.

But she has sole custody because she no longer shares the dog with the previous other owner.

I expect the OP only mentioned it so people don't ask why her ex can't look after the dog they shared.

The thought of asking a new partner’s family if they can accommodate a dog over Christmas is giving me some quite extreme secondhand embarrassment.

If I were you I’d stick the dog in a kennel and spend Christmas trying to prove to them you’re normal.

Why would anyone here ask about sharing custody with an ex we didn't have any need to know of?

She has a dog. He bf's parents know she has a dog. That is a complete explanation for absolutely everyone.

Sole custody…..bloody hell.

‘DLabrador’ 😂. Isn’t it easier to just put ‘dog’?

Anyway, he wasn’t uninvited, was he?

Dog People don’t smell their dogs.
They do smell. Of dog. Because they’re a dog.

He has let you down. You are facing Christmas on your own with your dog as it's almost certainly too late to make alternative arrangements. After misleading you, he now plans to waltz off to his parents saying it is one of those things as if he had no responsibility for the whole thing. I loathe undependable unkind men and he is both. I suggest you give him the boot now so you can save the expense of buying him a Christmas present.

Why would anyone here ask about sharing custody with an ex we didn't have any need to know of?

The ex was mentioned in the OP. Therefore, I'm sure some posters would've asked why he can't look after the dog at Christmas.

In fact despite the OP mentioning she has sole custody now, someone already asked further upthread.

Yeah you’ve got a DP problem. Stay at home with the dog.

I agree. We as owners just can’t smell them as we are used to it.

I think this might be one for classics

Someone you've been seeing since June is not a "DP"

And you can't be taking a dog to someone's house.

DP and I officially in a relationship since June

@Hols25 when were you invited to Christmas? Did his screw up in not talking to his parents about the dog before actually change the outcome in terms of options to celebrate with other family or care for your dog that you would have found?

He shouldn't have told you yes without speaking to them, but I think the appropriate level of anger is different if he invited you 2 weeks ago vs in September, for example.

Exactly, the relationship has barely been 6 months.