DP’s family have uninvited my DLabrador from Christmas

[Hols25]

Feeling a bit pissed off. First Christmas with DP and he invited me to his parents house. They live a few hours away so I haven’t been there before, but have met them once for a meal where we live.

DP knows I have sole custody of my DL following breaking up with my ex last year, and he hates going into kennels. When he asked me about Christmas, I checked about whether DL could join and he said yes.

Fast forward to today and he’s told me his parents aren’t able to accommodate DL. They aren’t really dog people and are worried about their cream carpets.

It turns out he hadn’t actually checked with them before and only spoke to them last night.

This means I can’t go and won’t be spending Christmas with DP or the days either side as he’s travelling the morning before.

He says its just one of those things.

AIBU to feel upset with him?

A dog?! Fair enough.. Respect other people's boundaries

When posting on MN, you really need to be open to hearing that you are unreasonable, otherwise it’s pointless. Nothing you have said matters or has any relevance because your DPs parents don’t want your dog in their house. Totally reasonable by them, not unreasonable for you to ask, but unreasonable to be annoyed. Also if you’ve only officially been in a relationship since June, I’d actually put you in the CF category for your reaction. You can be totally pissed of with your partner, but that’s completely on him, the dog was never invited, so can’t be uninvited. Your partner misled you at best, at worst he lied to you.

I adore animals to my very soul but this is one of the maddest threads I've seen about a dog. You know people routinely show far less consideration to their actual kids? Guessing it's a mega wind up.

Yep that would be my thinking especially over Christmas when I suspect the dog would get bare minimum attention.
my ex in-laws live 3.5 hours away, I made it clear I wouldn’t leave my dog and cats over Xmas.
My Mum could pet sit but no way I’d ask her to and leave her over Christmas either!
The year the dog died and coincidently my Mum was away I conceded we could go as a friend could pop in on the cats (my cats were far more independent than the dog) but despite telling the in-laws this we didn’t get an invite!!
so thankfully we never had to spend Christmas with the in (out!) laws!

Hrft but this would be my suggestion.
Years past I used to have dogs and often left them in the car while I dined with non dog friends.
Walk before and after. Water in the car and food on my return all went well.
These days I would use a camera to watch them.
There's alot of politics over leaving dogs in cars but honestly mine preferred it to meeting non dog people.

I'm with you. I would hate to be without my dog and find going for a walk without them very odd. Additionally i doubt you'd find a suitable kennels this late in the day.

OP, do you never have a day out or a night out or whatever without your dog? @Hols25

@Wyddfa

what about when you go out with your friends?? I’m sure you’re not missing your dog then, and hating being without them- you’re enjoying your time with your pals! Which is a good thing!

LAbradors are big excitable dogs who are obsessed by food. They are not known for cleanliness on cream carpets. That your DPs family have cream carpets tells you a lot about what their house will be like ie totally unsuitable for a dog and in particular a labrador. I love labradors but if i had cream carpets and a nice house i would also not want one to visit.

Your DP should have asked sooner rather than assuming. But it is what it is. Now your choices are to not go or to find a kennels or dog sitter over xmas. It should still be posslble. if the dog doesnt like kennels a dog sitter can cope. Thats it really. It isnt an invite its a miscommunication.

Sadly thiscis a choice you are msking. Your doh would becfine in a boarding kennel.bthe reason he doesnt like itvis because he isnt used to it. You cannot expect people who fo not have dogs to accomadateca dog in thrir home. My home is dog free, I don't like the way dogs smell, also i have an older cat who rally hates dogs and they mske him extremrly anxious. My mum snd partner are invited for christmas day and their dog obviuosly id bring left home in kennels. Should your DP check earlier, yes but thats on him not the hosts.

You say he doesn't smell, most dog owners would say the same, but trust me, a dog in a non dog house is an evil to the senses, it's no fault on anyone's part. You chose to have a dog and with that comes invitation limitations

I’d feel the same as you.

If I was in your situation I would plan a lovely walk with my Dspaniel (I see you) and have a nice dinner (both of us) and watch a lovely film and have a baileys and call your loved ones.

Dogs are family and you and your Dlab deserve to spend the day together x

Don’t go

it’s only Christmas stay with your dog and do your own thing

some people don’t like dogs around when busy and harassed cooking

let him do Christmas with them and you can chill and cuddle DL

Because I find it hard to get on with people who don’t like dogs or don’t want them in their house. We clearly have very different values.

YANBU to be upset with him for lying to you.

Good luck with making arrangements now. I'd be so pissed off with him.

@sesamecroissant

you can be a lovely, kind person, who contributes a lot to society AND not likes dogs.
Dog lovers are not some superior type of person.

I also have a black Labrador can you not just leave him in the house for the day?

@DeeKitch

cuddle dog alllll day?? How boring! 🥱 😂

You’re highly ignorant. Good kennels are hard to find and both kennels and sitters are expensive. I sometimes pay more for petsitters than my friends pay for babysitters. Having a dog is a massive responsibility and it can be difficult to manage on your own

What about a home dog sitter? I know dog walkers who are invited to homes for overnights & day sits With pets who cant be left alone?

It can be hard when you adore your dog to stop and think what a big ask it is to bring it to a household that isn’t a dog household. It’s disappointing for you but you were asking a lot.

Yes, like not walking around putting poo in little bags then hanging it from trees in public places. Definitely not one of my values.

People who don’t like animals always worry me. I personally wouldn’t want to spend time with them if I can avoid it.

Ehm most dog owners don’t do this? What a daft comment honestly. Judging a whole species because some humans don’t clean up after their dogs.

Why do some people get so unhinged about other people loving their dogs?