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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP’s family have uninvited my DLabrador from Christmas

1000 replies

Hols25 · 05/12/2025 18:15

Feeling a bit pissed off. First Christmas with DP and he invited me to his parents house. They live a few hours away so I haven’t been there before, but have met them once for a meal where we live.

DP knows I have sole custody of my DL following breaking up with my ex last year, and he hates going into kennels. When he asked me about Christmas, I checked about whether DL could join and he said yes.

Fast forward to today and he’s told me his parents aren’t able to accommodate DL. They aren’t really dog people and are worried about their cream carpets.

It turns out he hadn’t actually checked with them before and only spoke to them last night.

This means I can’t go and won’t be spending Christmas with DP or the days either side as he’s travelling the morning before.

He says its just one of those things.

AIBU to feel upset with him?

OP posts:
Silverbirchleaf · 06/12/2025 17:50

Unlikely to get kennels now, unless they have a cancellation. They’ll all be booked up.

Tezzag · 06/12/2025 17:50

Labradors are the most amazing dogs but as owners we are immune to their smell and I having owned 3 now know they did smell as people told me when the last one died. They definitely do shed a lot too. I do think its a bit like a kid that hates school they go and probably don't have as bad a time as you think but they certainly.complaon about.it. if you really are prepared to compromise put the dog in kennels for a short period and enjoy your time. Don't fret about the dog. Then maybe you need a conversation about how important your dog is to you with your partner.

GertieET · 06/12/2025 17:51

Hols25 · 05/12/2025 18:21

My DL really doesn’t smell. And shedding is minimal if anything at the moment. So I think that’s a very sweeping statement.

Show quote history

Regardless its their home. Some people don't want animals in their home and some dont like kids either. Its up to you whether you find an alternative for your dog...if not kennels a dog sitter in your home OR dont go to their home and enjoy your time with your dog.
You have options and can't blame everyone else.

Pineapplewaves · 06/12/2025 17:53

Your DP lied to you, he said his parents would be happy to have the dog when he hadn’t actually asked them. You are not unreasonable to be mad at him.

His parents are not being unreasonable to say no, it’s their home and if they don’t want a dog in it that’s fair enough.

Now you need to decide what you want to do on Christmas Day, still go and make alternative plans for the dog, or stay at home?

SpiritedFlame · 06/12/2025 17:59

I definitely think this is a DP issue.

I read some of the thread and can see you agree that it is reasonable of the in laws to say no and you understand that.

It was rubbish of your DP though to say it was okay and now to find out it isn't with just a couple of weeks to go. I know where I live there just would not be any availability for kennels and of course no opportunity to build confidence if your labrador hasn't been before. Same with any other solution.

Sending hugs.

Veryberrycherries · 06/12/2025 17:59

You're not being unreasonable. The lab is part of your family. It's your partner's fault for not checking and now you're paying for it. Wouldn't hold it against his parents but I'd be annoyed with him. Would also stay home with the dog.

Dinothepigeon · 06/12/2025 17:59

I would stay at home with my dog.

Changeforthis79 · 06/12/2025 18:01

He should cancel and stay with you because he messed up,but how this is written feels a bit of a strange post. Almost like a reverse but I'm not sure what would be the point of that

croydon15 · 06/12/2025 18:01

Not everyone wants somebody else's dog in their house you are bu. Make arrangements for your dog.
Perhaps you could have checked yourself.

PlumOrca · 06/12/2025 18:03

Hols25 · 05/12/2025 18:15

Feeling a bit pissed off. First Christmas with DP and he invited me to his parents house. They live a few hours away so I haven’t been there before, but have met them once for a meal where we live.

DP knows I have sole custody of my DL following breaking up with my ex last year, and he hates going into kennels. When he asked me about Christmas, I checked about whether DL could join and he said yes.

Fast forward to today and he’s told me his parents aren’t able to accommodate DL. They aren’t really dog people and are worried about their cream carpets.

It turns out he hadn’t actually checked with them before and only spoke to them last night.

This means I can’t go and won’t be spending Christmas with DP or the days either side as he’s travelling the morning before.

He says its just one of those things.

AIBU to feel upset with him?

It's reasonable to be upset with DP as I'm sure you'd have made alternative arrangements if he'd checked before saying yes when you first talked about it. I'd personally also be upset if my partner said 'it's just one of those things,' because it sounds like he's not taking any accountability for his part in this situation. No, it isn't 'just one of those things' to be told two weeks before Xmas that you'll have to find a kennel for your dog or your plans are going to have to change. This last minute stress and change of plans could have been avoided if he had simply asked first instead of just saying yes on behalf of his parents. My ex boyfriend was a bit like this - said yes to everything in the moment without actually thinking things through properly.

I'm very much a dog person and I understand that our dogs mean so much to us so I can empathise with your situation but it is obviously within dp parents rights to say if they want a dog in the house or not (I personally cannot fathom how ppl could think a dog would bring anything other than joy to xmas but we're all different) so it isn't really their fault, its completely DPs fault.

On a more practical level, have you tried trusted house sitters? I used to do it as a sitter and found it great! Basically, it's an exchange website where you are offering your home to someone and in exchange they look after your pet. It is short notice but it could still work.

PlumOrca · 06/12/2025 18:05

croydon15 · 06/12/2025 18:01

Not everyone wants somebody else's dog in their house you are bu. Make arrangements for your dog.
Perhaps you could have checked yourself.

She should have checked with his parents? Absolutely not. He's a grown man. He should have checked with his own parents first before saying yes because now she has to either find a dog sitter at short notice and over the Xmas period which will be extortionate or change her plans also at short notice.

The parents aren't in the wrong, it's their house and if they don't want a dog that's their right. But the partner is absolutely the one who is in the wrong and caused all this last minute stress because he told Op yes to the dog without checking first.

tabbycatcuddles · 06/12/2025 18:05

Pet ownership comes with responsibilities and sacrifices. You can't always do what you would like, and no one is obligated to have your dog over. I like dogs but wouldn't want a large, unknown dog at mine for days.

They're not unreasonable.

Hellohello48 · 06/12/2025 18:06

The dog wasn't uninvited, your partner never checked in the first place so it would be unreasonable to annoyed with his parents. Be annoyed with him for not finding this out sooner.
I can't get my head around people who think the dog should go where they go and everyone be fine with it. I wouldn't rock up to someone's house with a pet rabbit in tow.

PlumOrca · 06/12/2025 18:07

GertieET · 06/12/2025 17:51

Regardless its their home. Some people don't want animals in their home and some dont like kids either. Its up to you whether you find an alternative for your dog...if not kennels a dog sitter in your home OR dont go to their home and enjoy your time with your dog.
You have options and can't blame everyone else.

Show quote history

She can blame DP though as his lack of thought has caused this entire situation.

2021mumma · 06/12/2025 18:08

Perhaps he’s using the dog as an excuse not to spend Xmas with you….

MSport · 06/12/2025 18:10

I am alone for Christmas, with my cat and dog. If you would like to come to my place, your DL is very welcome.

StressedOutButProudMama · 06/12/2025 18:11

Your title implies they invited your Labrador then invited him. In reality your Partner never asked them assumed and they said no when he did get round to asking them. There choice entirely they don't have to allow your dog. In fact they don't have to allow you even but we're good enough to invite you. I wouldn't want someone's dog bouncing around my home at Christmas. Your partner should have asked and told you the truth form the start it's him that's out of order. Parents have done no wrong here.

Livpool · 06/12/2025 18:11

I wouldn’t want a dog in my house either. This is on your partner

knor · 06/12/2025 18:12

It’s annoying he said it was fine but actually didn’t ask but can’t be annoyed with the parents, I’m not a doggy person and wouldn’t want a dog at my house

GlitteryRainbow · 06/12/2025 18:12

Can’t you invite the DPs to have Christmas with you instead?

August1980 · 06/12/2025 18:16

Op, as a mum of a 10 year old Labrador myself please ignore the anti dog comments. I too have cream carpets - we engaged the services of an interior designer before moving in so it’s a very very put together house - however, dogs, are always welcome here. I won’t be taking the cream carpets with me when I die.
please don’t put DDog in kennels. It’s his Christmas too. And you and him are family so spend it together. My parents are abroad. I don’t visit at Christmas as I won’t leave my dog and you know what they don’t come to me either - because they won’t leave their dog! Don't fall out with DP or his parents over this. They csn decide who they invite Just hold firm on your boundaries and do go or pine to spend time with DP - it’s just one day and he can spend it with his folks who mean something to him, you spend the time with someone who means something to you

Cherrytree86 · 06/12/2025 18:18

How shallow they are! Cream carpets! Tells you a lot about their values doesn’t it…
you just snuggle up at home Christmas Day OP, just you and the dog and enjoy the doggy cuddles
@Hols25

CommonAsMucklowe · 06/12/2025 18:19

ACatNamedRobin · 05/12/2025 18:18

He doesn't like kennels, but it won't do him any harm.
You're right to be annoyed with your DP, but I'd put the dog in kennels.

I wonder how you'd like it?

AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 06/12/2025 18:19

I would be more pissed off that my boyfriend was perfectly happy for me to be alone on Christmas Day - this is his fuck up, he should not have assumed and should be changing his plans to ensure you’re not on your own for Christmas with just your Ddog for company!

cherrycherryblossom · 06/12/2025 18:21

As a dog owner myself, I think if your dog comes first and is your life as you say, then you have to accept that not everyone understands this. And that even other dog owners don’t feel the same as you. In these kind of situations (if you don’t want to leave your dog) then you’re going to have to miss out.

I’m relieved to see you don’t have an issue with DP parents. It’s their home and if they don’t want a dog in it, then good on them for being honest. Too many dog owners (not you OP) have a sense of entitlement when it comes to their dogs.

Your DP is at fault here for not checking when he said he did.

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